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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24519745">Roll of the Dice (With Some Crime)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakfastoversugar/pseuds/breakfastoversugar'>breakfastoversugar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Falsettos - Lapine/Finn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Dungeons &amp; Dragons, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Characters Play Dungeons &amp; Dragons, Cheating, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Toxic Masculinity, you dont have to play d&amp;d to understand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:20:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>41,824</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24519745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakfastoversugar/pseuds/breakfastoversugar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cordelia nodded, her blond curls bobbing, “Uh, yeah! We’re the D&amp;D club.” She raised an eyebrow skeptically. The hand that gripped Charlotte’s held on a little tighter. “If I may ask, uh, why are you here?”</p><p>The boy smiled, bright and full of teeth but not in a way that had any malice. A genuine one. One that radiated through the whole room and entranced Marvin upon seeing it. He was lightheaded. “I was looking to play, but it’s not really something anyone I’m currently friends with is interested in. I think it’s cool, all the fantasy and fighting and stuff.” He looked around the table and skimmed his fingers along it. “Can I sit?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Marvin said almost immediately.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dr. Charlotte/Cordelia (Falsettos), Marvin/Trina (Falsettos), Trina/Mendel Weisenbachfeld, Whizzer Brown/Marvin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. caroline the destroyer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>listen this is very self indulgent it is just for me and i am fine with that. i love dnd and the next chaps will be more dnd friendly.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“The rain is coming down in thick sheets. It is pouring outside; like cats and dogs. The sky is tinted a dark, deep red. In the distance, around 100 feet away, you see a silhouette of a figure riding horseback. They’re holding a sword in the air. Through the distant roaring of the storm, you can hear a chant. It is Caroline the destroyer, she has come back for you. What do you do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck, Caroline?! I thought she was dead!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, wait, I totally thought we killed her!”</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t tell me the classmate that you hate is the big bad.”</p><p> </p><p>“I cast Pass Without Trace.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, wait, shit, what does that one do?” The man sitting at the head of the table asked, peering to one of his friends. </p><p> </p><p>She grinned and held up one of her notecards. “It gives me and whoever I choose a plus ten to stealth checks. Which means all of us, yes, but also Artemis.” She shrugged, turning to a page in her notes. Another girl made an aww-ing noise and put a hand over her heart. ”Also, the way our last fight ended was pretty ambiguous, so I wrote down that I figured he was saving her for something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, what level spell is that, Charlotte?”</p><p> </p><p>“Second level.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>“Druids, man,” Another male said and blew a curl up onto his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, better than a bard!” The girl who awed giggled, slapping his arm playfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, fuck off! It’s hard to be the bard!”</p><p> </p><p>“You know what it’s hard to be?” The last girl said, slapping her hand onto the table. “A kenku! The ‘only being able to use sounds and words you’ve heard and know well’ is a big issue if your character spent most of their life away from others! I love to talk, but I can barely do it...” She then pointed at a plate on the table, “Also, I did make those brownies for you. Please eat them. I’ve been practicing!”</p><p> </p><p>The diligent note-taker of the group took one and bit into it slowly. She winced a little but hid it behind a smile. “They’re amazing, babe. You’re a fantastic cook.”</p><p> </p><p>“Guys,” Mendel, their Dungeon Master and one of Marvin’s best friends, said, “Can we get back on track?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, sorry Mendel,” Trina smiled and brushed some hair behind her ears. “Yeah, go ahead!”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so, Root you cast this spell. And your silhouettes disappear into the pouring rain. Caroline, though, already knew you were there and had been tipped off beforehand,” The room erupts into chaos as the players at the table wonder who tipped them off. Charlotte desperately flips through her notes. Marvin slams his hands down on the table. Trina sits in shock. Cordelia is trying to get them to revolt against Mendel personally, “So, I want you all to make some stealth checks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Plus ten, right? Because I will seriously take over this campaign.” Cordelia said and crossed her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Plus ten, promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Trina picked up her light pink dice and rolled them. “I rolled a twenty-five!” She cheers, pumps her fists, laughs, and looks over at Charlotte to mouth a ‘thank you’.</p><p> </p><p>Charlotte gripped her brightly saturated orange set of dice and rolled them. “So, it’s nineteen plus ten, twenty-nine.”</p><p> </p><p>Cordelia glanced at her neat multi-colored d20. “Ok, so I rolled a fifteen. That’s plus the bonus. Charlotte, darling, thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nat one,” Marvin said suddenly. He stared down at his red die, feeling very much like it betrayed him. He would have to get a new set; this one was very obviously cursed. He raised his gaze to meet the looks of his party.</p><p> </p><p>All of their faces were no longer smiling … except Mendel’s. He grinned at his friend. Mendel pulled his binder in front of him and flipped a couple of pages frantically. While the girls at the table glared and wished death on Marvin, Mendel laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Marvin, sweetie, I’m going to destroy you. Roll for initiative because you’re fighting me.” Trina hissed, cracking her knuckles.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe this. How could you do this to us?” Cordelia cried out, slamming her fist on the table, “Valar, my elf son, died last fight with Caroline!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not responsible,” Marvin said quickly, putting his hands up, “I’m not the one who brought her back from the dead. I’m as outraged as you!”</p><p> </p><p>“Guys,” Charlotte said with a small smile, “I’m sure there are other ways to settle this. Maybe since her real beef is with Perkin, she’ll leave William alone?”</p><p> </p><p>Cordelia set her hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Ever the optimist,” She said, shaking her puffy blond curls. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, so you rolled a nat one. You critically failed. Fantastic. You, not only manage to get the attention of Caroline the destroyer, but you try to alert your friends that she is coming and end up falling on your ass, hard. You take,” Mendel pauses to roll some die behind his big, stupid dungeon master vision blocker, “Eight damage and are made prone. Caroline approaches you and laughs at your sad state. What do you do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, fuck.” Marvin curses. “Okay, I-”</p><p> </p><p>“Do the character voice, Marv!” Trina urges, putting a hand on his arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Marvin started slowly, before taking a deep breath slipping into a smooth rock sounding British man, “Well, hello darling. How are you today? It’s been a dreadfully long time.”</p><p> </p><p>Mendel cleared his voice and pitched it as high as he could. “Nice to see you, Will. Except it is terrible to see you. Because last time I saw you, you almost killed me. With vicious mockery- whatever. Would you please tell me where your friend Perkin is? I believe I have some unfinished business with them and Artemis that I can’t just overlook.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Marvin gave an easy smile, easily falling into character, “I’m afraid I have no clue where Perkin is. I can’t tell you anything about it, sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Gonna need you to roll for deception, Marv.” </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you Mendel,” Marvin said in his regular voice. He picked up his dice and rolled them. The cursed dice. They would probably fuck this up somehow. “A seven, fuck!” It was totally the dice.</p><p> </p><p>Mendel smiled to himself and rolled the dice for himself. “Yeah, no she sees through that completely. So, she glares at you and she’s like,” He stopped to fix his voice into something shrill and a little annoying, “Wow, Will, if you’re going to lie to me, you could at least do it well. I don’t have the time to do this with you or your friends again. I can finish you off just like I did your other friend, Valar.” And then Mendel fixed his voice. The next time he spoke he was filled with so much, insanely unearned pride, joy, and excitement. “And she points her sword at your neck. I’m going to need you to roll initiative, Marv.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shit. Are you guys not going to help me?” Marvin asks, whipping his head around to look at his friends when he makes eye contact with a very tall, very pretty boy, leaning against the closed door of their club room. He had beautiful tan skin and dark brown hair and eyes. He dressed quite fashionably and it looked like he was holding some sort of sports bag beside him. He was beautiful, Marvin realized. Beautiful and wearing a tiny gay pride pin. Marvin’s heart leapt through the roof. His palms began to sweat. He felt his whole face heat up. This beautiful guy was gay? If guys like him were gay, maybe it would be alright if Marvin was … The boy smiled at him and waved after a few seconds of staring. Marvin furrowed his eyebrows at him. He nodded his head toward the blue eyed boys friends. The boy in question opened his mouth to ask something but was cut off.</p><p> </p><p>“If we help,” Trina inquired, looking over to Mendel, “Then Caroline is surprised, right? So she doesn’t get a turn?” She turned to the other girls at the table, and to Marvin, too, but his attention was elsewhere. “Alright, so, hypothetically if we all roll for initiative but one of us comes in after each turn, we could just have three turns of her being surprised?”</p><p> </p><p>Mendel blinked, opening his mouth, “Well, if one of you was hidden, I don’t think it would be much of a stretch for her to expect the other two to be around.” He hummed and tapped the end of his pencil to his lips. “Although, Trina, I will give you some inspiration. Good thinking!”</p><p> </p><p>Charlotte pouted, “So she gets inspiration for that but when I suggested tying Will to the ceiling to drop him on the enemy like a spider, I was told I couldn’t and that it would kill him.” She crossed her arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I didn’t tell you that you couldn’t do that! That was Marvin!”</p><p> </p><p>“I think it was a wonderful idea, dear.” Cordelia mused and kissed her girlfriend’s cheek tenderly. She grabbed her hand and ran her thumb over the smooth skin over her knuckles. Charlotte giggled and pecked her girlfriend on the lips. The boy at the door smiled at them softly. Marvin sucked in a sharp breath at his face. God, he really was beautiful.</p><p> </p><p>“So, initiative. Marv, did you roll yet?”</p><p> </p><p>They waited. </p><p> </p><p>“Marv, sweetie,” Trina hummed, putting a hand on his arm and squeezing. Noticing his staring, she followed his eyesight. “Oh!” She exclaimed softly. A light pink filled her cheeks and she played nervously with her hair. “Hi! Are you lost?”</p><p> </p><p>The boy shook his head. “No, this is the D&amp;D club, right?” He pushed himself off of the door frame and walked toward the table. He lingered, though, not sitting down and not touching it.</p><p> </p><p>Cordelia nodded, her blond curls bobbing, “Uh, yeah! We’re the D&amp;D club.” She raised an eyebrow skeptically. The hand that gripped Charlotte’s held on a little tighter. “If I may ask, why are you here?”</p><p> </p><p>The boy smiled, bright and full of teeth but not in a way that had any malice. A genuine one. One that radiated through the whole room and entranced Marvin upon seeing it. He was lightheaded. “I was looking to play, but it’s not really something anyone I’m currently friends with is interested in. I think it’s cool, all the fantasy and fighting and stuff.” He looked around the table and skimmed his fingers along it. “Can I sit?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Marvin said almost immediately. All of his friends turned to him quickly. Anxious looks passed over their faces. They were never the most popular of kids, the six of them were actually loners before they were all drawn to the club for different reasons. Most of them had no friends before joining this club, so seeing a pretty boy like him flash a big smile at them probably made them scared of potential bullying. “Yeah, have a seat. You’re good.” Marvin assured him and motioned to the open seat directly across from Mendel at the head of the table. “So, you said you wanted to play D&amp;D? Why?” He questioned with a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>The boy took the seat offered to him and hummed. “My brother plays it at college with his friends. He says it’s actually really fun when everyone is there.”</p><p> </p><p>Some of the tension left from Charlotte’s shoulders. “Oh! I thought you were just going to make fun of us for being nerds and playing,” She stopped and made her voice appropriately nerdy, “Dungeons and Dragons. Because only nerds play D&amp;D.” Cordelia giggled at her girlfriend’s silly antics. Charlotte leaned over and kissed her girlfriends cheek gently.</p><p> </p><p>“No, no.” The boy shook his head, his hair bouncing a little with it. Marvin noted how soft it looked. He wondered what it would be like to run his hair through it. “That’s not the case at all! It just … looked fun.” He shrugged a little and looked around the table. “Can I have one of those?” The mysterious pretty boy motioned to the brownies. At Cordelia’s enthusiastic nod, he grabbed one and took a bite. The pretty boy’s eyes widened and he froze almost instantly. Slowly, he swallowed large, set the brownie down, and smiled. “Delicious. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>Almost everyone at the table, sans Cordelia, relaxed almost instantly. They all knew at once that he wasn’t someone who wanted to come in there and hurt them, or mock them, or make fun of them. Someone who wanted that wouldn’t have complimented Cordelia’s baking.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m Whizzer, by the way,” He said, extending his hand with a smile, “Nice to meet you.”</p><p> </p><p>Mendel smiled at him hesitantly and shook his hand. “Hi! I’m Mendel, your dungeon master! This is Trina, her boyfriend Marvin,” Marvin winced just a little and hoped no one would notice. Whizzer raised an eyebrow but said nothing to him in response to his reaction, “Those two over there are Charlotte and Cordelia.”</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer waved at all five of them. “It’s nice to meet all of you. I’ve been trying to work up the courage to come in here for months,” He laughed, but it sounded humorless. Nothing at all like the laugh that stunned Marvin so much just moments ago. “So, I don’t really know how to play. Is it okay if I ask some questions while you’re playing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Marvin said, again very quickly, “Yeah, don’t worry about it. We all had to start somewhere, right?” He asked and smiled a shy, genuine smile. He then turned away and quickly dug through his bag. “Here,” He slid a thick book across the table to him, “This the Player’s Handbook. It’s not super mandatory to read, but it is a nice thing to have around.”</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer cracked it open slowly and whistled real low. It made Marvin’s heart race for very unexplainable reasons. “Wow, it’s, uh, kinda intimidating.” </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry about reading it right away,” Mendel mused, picking up a set of dice and rattling them in his hand. “You can just watch and observe for right now, okay?” Whizzer nodded, hesitant, and Mendel nodded back at him, so much more sure and firm. “Alrighty then! Guys, roll for initiative.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is initiative?” Whizzer asked quickly. </p><p> </p><p>All four of them realized at once that this would, perhaps be a lot more work than they thought. </p><p> </p><p>“When you fight you have to have an order.” Charlotte explained with a smile. “Whoever rolls the highest goes first. Everyone goes in the order of their roll on a scale of highest to lowest.” She looked around at her friend’s dice on the table. “So, like, Trina goes first, then me, then Marvin, then Cordelia.” </p><p> </p><p>The boy nodded enthusiastically. </p><p> </p><p>As it turns out, Whizzer is quite the attentive listener. He asks many good questions and even takes notes on particular ideas he doesn’t quite understand. During the most dramatic of times, he gasps and awes and listens like it’s the most interesting thing he has ever heard. Marvin finds it adorable and endearing. He wishes that he could have Whizzer there all the time, asking questions and making little words of awe and commentary.</p><p> </p><p>When they start to wrap up, Whizzer looks a little sad, actually. His shoulders drooped when Mendel announced that the session was over. He poked out his bottom lip just a little. Marvin thinks about how soft it probably is. “I was really interested. When are you guys playing next?”</p><p> </p><p>“Next Thursday, after school.” Mendel said with a smile. He wrung his hands together anxiously. “Would you like to come to that one, too? Or maybe even play it yourself? One of us could help you with character creation so you could play next time.”</p><p> </p><p>The tall boy’s whole face lit up like a light. “Wait, really?!” He asked loudly, excitedly. It reminded Marvin of a puppy. “I still don’t understand, like, anything but you’d let me play!”</p><p> </p><p>Cordelia smiled at him in that sugary sweet way she has. “Of course, Whizzer! The more the merrier, right guys?” She asked, turning to her friends. They all nodded emphatically. “Here, we can add you to our group chat so that you can keep in contact with us and make plans to help with your character sheet and stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer nodded and took out his phone. He gave Cordelia his contact information, who promptly added him to the group chat.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> baking bad has added Whizzer to tight knit dumbasses. </em>
</p><p> </p><p><b>lil marv:</b> wait what</p><p> </p><p><b>lil marv:</b> also please, please stop changing my name to lil marv i cannot take this discrimination. </p><p> </p><p>“Little Marv?” Whizzer questioned, looking up and into Marvin’s blue eyes. Marvin swears he could drown in the deep brown of Whizzer’s eyes. The edges of his lips quirked up in a questioning smirk. “Whoever they are, they don't seem to be too fond of that name, <em> Marv </em>.” He drawled, purposely emphasizing the Marv. Marvin hoped, desperately that no one else in the room could hear his heart battering against his ribcage like a jackhammer.</p><p> </p><p>Marvin laughed, running a hand through his thick curls and getting scared his hand would get stuck. He withdrew his hand before it could, though. Didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of this pretty boy right now, after all. “He’s my little brother, Jason. He looks just like me, apparently. So, Trina calls him my mini-me.” </p><p> </p><p>“He acts just like you too,” Trina murmured. At Marvin’s glare, she elbowed him in the ribs. “Cheer up! Your brother takes after you! I don’t think that's a bad thing,” She cooed and leaned in. He quickly averted his gaze and entire face away from Trina’s invasive lips that she always insisted belonged to him. Instead, he took the time to look at Whizzer. Trina sighed and looked at the taller male also. “He used to be part of our group but, uh … he was banned.”</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer blinked. “Why was he banned?”</p><p> </p><p>The whole table sat there in remembrance. Whizzer would swear later that all five of them had glazed over eyes at that moment. What happened on that day … Another reason not to mess with Jason… </p><p> </p><p>“He … well, he is a dangerously good wizard.” </p><p> </p><p>Whizzer laughed uneasily, but nodded all the same. “Okay, I feel like that means only bad things happened with him.” He pulled out his phone and typed a response to Marvin’s brother. </p><p> </p><p><b>Whizzer:</b> haha ur lil marv. he is already pretty short so i wldnt wanna see a smaller one</p><p> </p><p><b>linguini:</b> Okay, First Of All, Rude.</p><p> </p><p><b>lil marv:</b> well, marvin...</p><p> </p><p><b>Whizzer:</b> why the hell is ur name linguini.</p><p> </p><p><b>linguini:</b> excuse me do u have a problem with linguini. i love linguini</p><p> </p><p><b>lil marv:</b> we know</p><p> </p><p><b>baking bad:</b> we know</p><p> </p><p><b>simp ceo:</b> we know</p><p> </p><p><b>the smart one:</b> we know</p><p> </p><p><b>mom friend:</b> we know</p><p> </p><p><b>Whizzer:</b> WHO IS SIMP CEO.</p><p> </p><p><b>simp ceo:</b> THE DM. do they know i can kill them...</p><p> </p><p><b>linguini:</b> im still waiting for mendel and trina to both die on may 27th at 8.</p><p> </p><p><b>mom friend:</b> marv quit threatening our deaths. </p><p> </p><p><b>linguini:</b> no.</p><p> </p><p>When Marvin looked up from his phone, he could swear he saw Whizzer grinning, happy and wide at his phone before pocketing it. He caught Marvin staring at him and laughed a loud, boisterous laugh that could keep a whole room captive and the sound twinkled like bells in his ears. His heart beat to the sound of his laugh. Whizzer being here, in there club … This could be a really, really good idea.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up, Marv? Like what you see?”</p><p> </p><p>Scratch those former thoughts, this was going to be hell.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>marvins character is not supposed to be from something rotten its more of just like a reference to him. i had marvin playing a bard before i remembered abt shakespeare so. yeah!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. tight knit family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“So,” Whizzer began, putting his hands on his hips and turning back to the short twelve year old in front of him, “You got kicked out of D&amp;D club. How?”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i played dnd today with some friends!! it reminded me oh god im writing a thing abt dnd now bc im a giant nerd !! i cant believe this startling new development!!! </p><p>anyways, i hope u all enjoy the chapter! it has the baby, the myth, the legend, the one that was kicked out of dnd club ... Jason.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Despite the group of five - no, six now - not meeting up again for Dungeons and Dragons again that week, they kept connected through Discord, which was where their group chat was hosted. Whizzer blended in really well with everyone. It was a </span>
  <em>
    <span>big</span>
  </em>
  <span> surprise, but they all agreed, privately, that Whizzer actually might be a really good fit for the group. Mendel and Trina were happy to get another friend. Charlotte and Cordelia were thrilled to get another </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay</span>
  </em>
  <span> friend. Jason adored Whizzer, despite never even meeting him before. And Marvin … well, Whizzer was certainly eye candy...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, Marvin was basically fucked. Whizzer was fun, and beautiful, and snarky and it made his stomach turn into knots. Whizzer could make him laugh, and things were really good with him around. Even when they argued, things were so, so good. Marvin doesn’t think he has ever felt like this before … Which is terrible, considering he has a girlfriend. Marvin tries not to think about that. He probably wouldn’t even be dating Trina if he didn’t feel like he had to. What was Marvin thinking? Are you having gay thoughts, try dating a girl today! Give him a break. But Marvin was currently enacting a way he could maybe hang out with Whizzer alone, just one on one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><b>linguini:</b> <em><span>@wozzer</span></em><span> whizzer. Whizzer. Whizzzzzer.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> hey marv! if u @ me ever again ill personally end your life! :)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lil marv:</b>
  <span> pls whizzer i would do anything for that</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> IGNORING JASON. i have to pick up some new dice. i was wondering if u wanted to come with to get some dice and work on ur character sheet?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> oh yeah actually thatd be great marvin! lets meet up in an hour-ish at barnes and nobles!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lil marv:</b>
  <span> CAN I COME PLEASE I WANNA MEET WHIZZER</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> only if u tell me how u got banned from d&amp;d club</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lil marv:</b>
  <span> DEAL. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> nice!!! marvin u gotta bring jason now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> :(</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Okay, so that was a fabulous flop. He would still get to hang out with Whizzer, sure but his little brother was going to be there. Marvin loves his little brother, adores him. His heart bursts at the seams for little Jason, but at the same time, Jason come on. Marvin is trying to hang out with a cute boy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin throws himself on his bed dramatically and huffs. Things weren’t going as planned, but this could still be okay. He was still going to hang out with him, mostly alone. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>most importantly</span>
  </em>
  <span>, without Trina around. Marvin already felt like it was obvious he was … interested in men and unhappy in his current relationship, but Whizzer made him feel totally transparent about it. It was as if those pretty eyes peered into his soul, digging for some kind of secret and he had found just that. So, no Trina for now is good. Or at least until Marvin can behave himself a little better.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin!” Jason called, his socked feet pounding against the hardwood floors. “Come on, hurry up! We’re going to go meet Whizzer!” He whined holding out the ‘r’ sound in Whizzer for far too long. Marvin huffed a little as a response. The younger one stared at him for a few moments before padding over there. “Now!” He flicked Marvin’s forehead and skittered back off to his room with his lanky limbs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin rubbed his forehead and fumbled to right himself, “Ow! Jason, what the hell!” He yelled. He pulled himself out of his bed and slid down the hallway to Jason’s door. “What did I do to deserve that?” He tried jiggling the doorknob to talk to him. “Open up! Why did you flick me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope, not opening!” Jason’s slightly muffled voice said, not too far from the door on the other side. “Also, you were moping. You have to get a move on! Lazybones, you better not make us late.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t make us late,” The older grumbled and started shuffling away from the door. “Whizzer will probably be late somehow with his hair or clothes or sports or something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But despite that, Marvin still diligently got ready for his certainly-not-date-but-still-a-hangout with Whizzer … </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jason. It wasn’t going to be that bad. Probably.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not that long later, Marvin found himself in Barnes and Nobles, strolling through the aisles anxiously. Would Whizzer really want to play? Would he be happy hanging out with him? What if Whizzer actually secretly hated Marvin and wanted nothing to do with him and he just agreed because it would be awkward declining when he still needed to make a character? What if he only came for Jason? No… Whizzer agreed to go before Jason demanded to… but Whizzer still seemed to be pretty excited about seeing him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin?” Jason called, tugging on the sleeve of Marvin’s favorite oversized red hoodie. “Can I go look at some books? I don’t have any money, though,” He said and kicked his feet a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t have money, then why would you want to look? I’m not gonna buy you anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason gasped, looking absolutely horrified. “Marvin! Please!” He gave him big, brown puppy dog eyes. Marvin knew at that moment that he would end up spending money on Jason, but he supposed there was nothing wrong with letting him dangle for a few minutes. “Come on, I’ll do anything! I’ll let you win at chess! I won’t make you come to my baseball games!” He tugged on his arm a little more, “Please! I would ask Trina, but she isn’t here!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin sighed and shoved his hands in his hoodie’s front pockets so Jason would stop tugging on his sleeves. “Alright, okay. I’ll pay for it. What do you spend your allowance on anyways, Jason?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“V-Bucks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, well, don’t do that ever again, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin!” Another voice called out. It was higher than Marvin’s himself but lower than Jason’s. But, to be fair, anything was really lower than Jason’s voice, he had the voice of a</span>
  <em>
    <span> flute</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “Thanks for inviting me out to get some supplies and getting that character made.” Whizzer preened and saddled up next to him. Slowly he looked at Jason, and his eyebrows furrowed together. “Wait, are you Jason? How old are you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Twelve,” Jason responded with a grin. He stuck his hand out and puffed out his chest. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jason. I assume you’re Whizzer? It’s good to meet you!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer laughed, a loud and boisterous sound. Jason grinned brighter. Marvin tried his hardest not to swoon to the sound. Calm down, Marvin, he can’t know that you’re any less than a heterosexual. Start again. Marvin stood there absolutely calm and completely unaffected. Yeah, that’ll fool ‘em. “Twelve? That’s a little young to be playing D&amp;D with a bunch of high school seniors, isn’t it?” Despite his words, he grabbed and shook Jason’s hand, swinging them up and down almost comically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” Jason said, helplessly swinging his arm along with Whizzer’s, “I am! But playing with older kids like that just makes me cool! Except for the whole brother part. But having friends that are seniors is really cool!” For some reason the both of them continued to swing their hands for a good few more seconds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer nodded and finally retracted his hand. “I guess it is, huh?” He looked at Marvin and smiled. His eyes crinkled at the edges and Marvin was helpless to not smile back. “So,” Whizzer began, putting his hands on his hips and turning back to the short twelve year old in front of him, “You got kicked out of D&amp;D club. How?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason’s cheeks pinked a little at that. “Well, everyone was arguing about what to do for this one puzzle and I knew what to do the whole time, but no one was listening to me because of the argument so I,” He scuffed his shoes along the carpet of the bookstore, looking uncharacteristically sheepish for Jason and very much so like a small scolded child, “I started to fight everyone. And I won the fight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What does that </span>
  <em>
    <span>mean</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He TPK-ed us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What does </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> mean?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He killed our entire party. Which he was a member of.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer stood there for a few moments with his mouth open. “How did he do that? Did you guys fight back?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Marvin said with a sigh, “We didn’t want to kill his character. All of ours tried to be peaceful but it just didn’t end up working out. Jason quit the campaign voluntarily after that, but we like to pick on him by saying he’s banned.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not my fault I’m too smart for my own good--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you’re too good for your sorry little life, we know.” Marvin said exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in the air. Jason stuck his tongue out at him. Whizzer giggled, but covered it behind his hand. Marvin hated how his heart fluttered in his chest. A cute boy giggling is not something to lose your shit over, Marv. “So, there are some dice over here if you wanna check them out, Whizzer.” Marvin said, directing his attention back to the reason he was there in the first place. Not that his attention had been many other places since meeting Whizzer, but that isn’t the point.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer hummed and nodded, following Marvin to where they kept their dice. He inspected a nice mint green set. “While we’re here, I wanna pick up a player’s handbook of my own,” He turned to Marvin and smirked at him, “I know you’re probably so tired of me using yours. You probably wanna reread the racial stats on elves again, like a nerd.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, wait a minute I don’t do that! And you’re joining D&amp;D club, you’re also a nerd!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer laughed and pushed him gently by the shoulder. “Sure, sure, of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason stared at them for a few seconds before nudging Marvin gently. “Hey, I’m gonna go look for that book now! I’ll have my phone on me, so just text me when you’re getting ready to leave!” He turned to Whizzer and smiled the brightest smile Marvin has ever seen him make. “Bye, Whizzer! It was great to meet you! We’re friends now, by the way. You can’t take that back, you made a promise the second I told you about my super secret reason as to why I got banned from D&amp;D club!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I never made that promise!” Whizzer defended, but then ruffled Jason’s thick curly hair. “But sure, kid. We’re friends.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason after that scampered off. Marvin watched him disappear into the large isles of books, having no doubt that one will catch his eye soon and he’ll be stuck with his nose in them until they drag him out of the story.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He reminds me of you,” Whizzer said, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “But nicer and all around better. Not asshole-y.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am not asshole-y!” Marvin screeched. People turned to them and gave them the stink eye. It may not have been a library but being in a place filled with so many books and being loud felt wrong. Marvin flushed a bright pink as Whizzer laughed. But after a few seconds, he once again found himself helpless to not smile or laugh back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it felt … natural. Nice. They bickered but it was playful and fun. Whizzer would make a snarky comment, Marvin would combat his reply with something snide, Whizzer would smirk or laugh or roll his eyes. It made Marvin feel alive in ways he hadn’t before. It felt right, interacting with him like this. It felt normal and natural and good, actually. Damn did it feel good. So Marvin was more than willing to invite Whizzer back over to his house to actually work on his character.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they got back to Marvin and Jason’s house, Jason ran off quickly, saying something about reading up on his newest chess strategy guide that his older brother bought for him. Marvin didn’t really think he needed any strategy tips; Jason was the best chess player Marvin had ever seen, after all. But nonetheless, Jason got excited at the book and Marvin is so, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> weak for his little brother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Whizzer whistled real low as he toed his shoes off by the door, “Big place you got here.” He walked around, gazing at all of Marvin’s upper class luxuries. “Are your parents okay with me being here?” He asked, turning to Marvin who was situating himself on the couch languidly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The shorter man paused. “Well, uh, they’re not around a lot. Work and stuff,” He trailed off and took out some character sheets he had printed off earlier, “They just get busy.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Too busy to go to like ... your theater performances and stuff?” Whizzer asked, leaning forward a little. His face was carefully neutral. Marvin felt like there was suddenly a spotlight on him, like he was being interrogated. His palms began to sweat. Maybe Marvin wasn’t wrong when he assessed that Whizzer could see through his carefully manufactured facade. He swallowed, hard. “Sorry if that’s presumptuous of me, but I’ve never seen them at the shows.” Whizzer explained. He must have been able to sense how uncomfortable the blue eyed boy was, because he backed off a little, physically easing his body away from him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You go to those? Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer blinked and flashed an awkward, lopsided smile that was full of teeth. Marvin felt like he was going to be devoured whole.  “Got some friends that are thespians. I’ve noticed you on stage before. You’re good. A good actor, a good singer.” He patted Marvin’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t be saying that if I didn’t mean it, Marv. Serious.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin sat there, staring at Whizzer for a few moments. “Thanks,” He mumbled quietly before handing the taller boy the character sheet. Whizzer took it and hummed. He looked over it really quickly before making a loud, noncommittal humming noise. “I still don’t really get it. You wouldn’t mind explaining it again, would you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin looked at him. Whizzer was a new player, new players sometimes took awhile to understand. God knows Marvin did. So he took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, yeah of course.” He scooted closer, just a little. If he got too close, Whizzer might notice his heart pounding in his chest. He might notice the way Marvin’s eyes lingered on him for a little too long. His hands shook as he placed one in between them and leaned onto it. “Is there any specific idea you have for a character?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer shook his head and pursed his lips. “No, not really.” He directed his gaze to Marvin. The experienced player felt Whizzer’s brown eyes see right through him. Like he was made of glass. He couldn’t bring himself to meet them, but god did he want to. “I was wondering if you would tell me a bit about your character’s backstory?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Marvin’s whole face lit up. “Yeah, hold on!” He jumped up from his spot by Whizzer on the couch and dug through his bag nearby for his D&amp;D binder. When he found it, he made his way back to Whizzer and sat closer than before. Marvin pretends it was intentional and it didn’t make his stomach turn for … well, a couple of different reasons. He cracked open the binder and grinned. “My character William is a bard. He loves music, but he was always discouraged from playing it when he was younger. His parents thought that it was just noise, and that it wasn’t important. But he had this friend,” Marvin said, taking a deep breath. He played with the edges of his sleeves. The part to Marvin that was most important about his character’s backstory: Isaac. None of the others seemed to realize how much that one character meant to Marvin, but it meant so much to him. Honestly, he did. He felt a nervous energy curling in his gut when he thought about telling Whizzer about him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“His friend was named Isaac, but he went by Ike for short. Ike himself wasn’t a bard, but his mother was a bard and she taught him music and magic. They were both always there to support Will.” He ran his fingers along the character sheet. “Eventually that friendship blossomed into something more, and they realized they were in love.” He heard Whizzer’s small gasp of ‘iconic’ but ignored it. “So they dated, and the three of them: Will, Ike, and Ike’s mother were like a little tight knit family. But a disastrous regime befell the town and it was ripped apart. Will left to join the fight, but when he got back Ike and his mother were nowhere to be seen. He’s been searching for them ever since. Will is still out searching for them - that’s his main goal with the whole adventuring thing. If he gets fame for that, well, that’s a bonus.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer was staring at Marvin’s papers with a glint in his eyes that Marvin couldn’t quite place. He turned to Marvin and smirked. “How would you feel if I played a character from your backstory?” He cooed slyly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin blinked owlishly. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Either he wasn’t to play his character’s boyfriend or his character’s boyfriend’s mother. Both of which… Marvin didn’t quite understand why he would want to play either one of them. “What?” He asked after a moment of hesitation. “You want to play one of them?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Whizzer said excitedly. “If it’s okay with you, I think it would be really fun to play Ike!” He threw his hands up a little, then turned them over themselves in exaggerated motions. He was very obviously speaking with them. Marvin noticed he also did that when he first met Whizzer and they told him he could play with them. It must be something he does when he is excited.“First off, he’s gay and I am too, so jot that down.” Marvin did not. “And secondly, I really resonate with that story. It’s heartwarming, you know? The three of them making their own family. Adorable. I’d like to see at least a part of Will’s little family back together, and then they could both go on the hunt for Ike’s mom!” His smile and enthusiasm dropped a little as he forced his hand back into his lap and gripped onto them tightly. “If that’s alright with you, I mean. I don’t want to step on your toes, or like, try to take over your character.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin felt. Conflicted. On one hand, he was incredibly overwhelmed at the idea of Whizzer playing a character he made that was so near-and-dear to his heart. On the other hand, Whizzer understanding and emphasizing with the characters made Marvin’s heart twist in his chest. Maybe they were a lot more alike than they both thought. He smiled at Whizzer and nodded. “Alright,” He said, getting out a pencil, “Yeah, let’s start work on Ike, then.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. to survive the night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Well, uh, Ike here was once…” Marvin trailed off flustered. He fiddled with the ends of his hoodie. He wanted to be able to say it, to test how the words sounded on his tongue, but he just couldn’t get the words out. “He was my… Uh.”</p><p>“Boyfriend,” Whizzer finished for him easily.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i cant believe they actually played dnd this chapter wow !</p><p>also u get an introduction to the other player characters so hell yeah!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The room they had chosen for their Dungeons and Dragons club room was small and dusty. When Mendel picked out a club room for it, he suggested they choose somewhere with not much for traffic. For a few reasons, one was a lack of noise. The less outside noise, the less chance of being pulled out of your immersion. Being taken out of a moment where emotions run high is one of the ways to kill all the player’s and dungeon master’s enthusiasm in the moment.  The second reason was because … well, it was D&amp;D club. And kids were cruel sometimes. So it made sense to not choose somewhere large and easily identifiable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The downside of these things … Well, it was tough to fit six eighteen year olds around the small table in the cramped room. It hadn’t been so bad sophomore year when a ten year old Jason was still playing with them. They found out when Whizzer sat in, though, that he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>much larger</span>
  </em>
  <span> than Jason. His shoulders were much more broad, he was much taller, he wasn’t as thin and lanky as Jason. Marvin actually thought Whizzer has quite the muscles. He wondered if he could touch his chest- </span>
  <em>
    <span>No, Marvin.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Marvin, your girlfriend is </span>
  <em>
    <span>right beside you.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starting over and getting back on topic: Whizzer is much larger than Jason. They found out last session that squeezing Whizzer at their little table and still giving Mendel the space he needs to DM was a little difficult.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As it was, though, Whizzer was running a little late. He had contacted them over their Discord group to let them know he would be perhaps a little behind, but he would certainly be there. Trina checked the time on her phone and hummed. “It’s a little strange, right?” She asked, turning to Marvin specifically, “Whizzer … being in the club?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” He questioned, leaning away from her. “I thought he fit in well with the group. He’s pretty nice, and he seems like a good person. I don’t see why he wouldn’t belong here Trina.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina waved her hands in front of herself, as if dispelling the thought of him not being wonderful. “It’s not that, geez, Marv,” She insists, resting one her hands on his forearm now. Marvin tried to school his face into some sort of easy frown and try not to show that he felt physically nauseous. “It’s just … he seems really popular, right? Plus, he’s the crown jewel of the baseball team. Their star pitcher.” She mused absentmindedly, “I just don’t get why someone like that would join a club like this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re one to talk,” Marvin said. He mostly intended on calling her out for playing D&amp;D, but he soon realized that there might be a better chance to cover his whole </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I am very gay’</span>
  </em>
  <span> tracks. “I mean, what’s a pretty girl like you doing playing D&amp;D?” The words almost didn’t sound fake to him. And he only outwardly cringed a little. He still inwardly cringed a lot, though. So, progress, maybe?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina blushed a light red color. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed his cheek. Marvin felt nothing, not really. He didn’t even do anything in response. He just sat with her arms around him doing nothing. Like a rag-doll, or a limp noodle. It made him feel bad for her. Trina cared so much about everyone in her life. She was the perfect Jewish girlfriend and yet Marvin felt absolutely no romantic attraction toward her. She was a good friend and a wonderful woman, but Marvin just couldn’t force himself to love her. He was too scared to leave her, though. Trina was security. It was the knowledge that no one would ask questions. He felt terrible, for leading her on, for the way his stomach tried to dispel its contents when she kissed him, for ever agreeing to become more than friends with her in the first place, but she was safe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Whizzer said as he walked into the room, shutting it quickly behind him and snapping Marvin out of his introspection about sexuality and Trina. “I had to talk with my coach about something,” He faltered seeing Marvin and Trina, but quickly continued as if he didn’t, Marvin pretended, for his own sake, to not notice, “So, are we ready to fight a dragon? I … am not, personally. Combat is still confusing.” He laughed a little sheepishly at himself. Whizzer rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, gently disrupting the short hairs at the nape of his neck. Marvin grinned at him and gently broke away from Trina. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, there goes this session's plans,” Mendel said exasperatedly, then cackled as if he was Jimmy Falon and his guest said … anything. “No, I’m kidding! I wouldn’t have you fight a dragon on your first session, Whizzer!” He laughed, going through some of his notes a little frantically. There was a gentle scratch of a pencil against paper and a slightly overwhelmed huff. Did … </span>
  <em>
    <span>Did he have a fight with a dragon planned?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin frantically pulled out his copy of the Monster Manual. Whizzer peaked over his shoulder curiously. “What is that book?” He asked, watching the shorter male skim the table of contents, running his finger down the page. When Marvin got to the one he wanted, he flipped the pages desperately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s the Monster Manual,” Marvin explained without looking up. “It shows all the stats for potential enemies. Enemies that you don’t make yourself, of course. You don’t really need the book unless you’re planning to DM.” He then turned to Mendel. Marvin’s eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the short man from across the table. “Mendel, bud. One of the dragons in here has almost 500 HP.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is HP?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hit points!” Charlotte explained with a smile. Cordelia unwrapped some hors d’oeuvres and set them out on the table. “They’re how much damage you can take before you die.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer nodded. “So that dragon has to take 500 points of damage before we kill it? Is that a lot?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guys! This plate is gefilte fish! This one is rugelach! I wasn’t going to bring a dessert, but then I decided to. We deserve it! Besides, who doesn’t like some sweets with their bloodshed? Enjoy!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Trina said with a laugh. Marvin felt nothing toward the sound. He tried to quiet his guilt. “It’s a lot. Even for experienced players.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I see.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mendel,” Marvin calls out impatiently. “Please tell me you weren’t going to make us fight a dragon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel hid his face behind his Dungeon Master blocker thing. He hides behind it so much. Marvin wished he didn’t, but DMs are very secretive. He has to keep his dice rolls hidden, along with any campaign notes he has behind there. “In my defense, it was a baby dragon…” He trailed off sheepishly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even a baby dragon would be a really, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> hard encounter for a new player,” Marvin called out and pointed his finger accusingly at the short man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to </span>
  <em>
    <span>kill a baby dragon,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mendel. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not a monster.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Should I bring canadelach next time?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that's a good food for D&amp;D, babe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We aren’t going to be fighting any dragons,” Mendel said, popping back up from his hiding spot. He looked a little more frazzled than when he hid. Marvin smirked a little. “Anyways, moving swiftly onward, is everyone ready? Got stuff to drink, snacks to eat?” He surveyed the room. At everyone's nods and ‘yeah’s and ‘don’t forget the fish’ he began to get into his DM mode. “Alright so…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“After your long battle with Caroline the Destroyer, you take refuge in a nearby village. It is a small town, with only a few hundred inhabitants. It is the kind of town where the locals know each other by name. They don’t see a lot of company there. The few stragglers on the street stare as you pass by them. When you find your way to the local inn, the keep there seems to be surprised that they have company. She looks at you all, and she says,” He fixes his voice to be higher and puts on a North England accent, “Oi, I wasn’t expectin’ more people so soon. What brings ‘ye here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We fought a long, hard fight,” Trina says, making her voice a little deeper to fit with her character, Perkin, who is a nonbinary halfling cleric, “We’re looking for a safe place to get a good night’s rest, ma’am.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That I can give to ‘ye. It’ll be one silver per room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Clatter,” Charlotte said in the voice of her character, Root, a earth genasi druid (Marvin found those things put together to be a little bit of a no-brainer, but he said nothing) woman, “Do you still have any silver from the time we looted a store- I mean, bought things from that store like totally respectable and trustworthy people who would never, ever steal?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cordelia checked her character sheet really quickly. Her bright blue eyes lit up excitedly, “I do!” She cried out, “I do have silver still! I have two silver!” She said all of this in her normal voice, because of the race of her character. Her character was a kenku paladin. Her being a kenku, especially an isolated kenku like her background suggests means that her character could barely communicate with words. Because kenku’s as a race were cursed and are now only able to parrot words and phrases they’ve already heard. “Okay, so I take out my two silver and hold them up to Root.” She beamed at her girlfriend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charlotte grinned back at her lover and gave her a high five. Marvin didn’t miss the way that she mouthed a quick ‘I love you’ to the blond before speaking. “Way to go, Clatter! I knew you could do it!” And then she righted her voice back to her normal tone, “And then I give her a big smooch on her bird beak.” Cordelia giggles. Marvin wonders what it feels like to be that in love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You guys are so cute and I love you,” Whizzer said, putting a hand on his chest and smiling at the loving lesbians. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We love you too, Whizzer!” Cordelia said, perking up at the casual affection. Marvin, Mendel, and Trina were never much for casual affection, but Cordelia thrives off of it. Her grin stretched larger across her face. She reached across the table and grabbed the hand that wasn't on Whizzer’s chest. Whizzer grinned at her, just as bright. Those two are probably going to end up as really, really good friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The mlm and wlw solidarity I feel in this room is astounding,” Marvin said, pronouncing mlm like mm-lem and wlw like wooloo the Pokemon. Whizzer barked out a laugh, throwing his head back. His brown hair was disrupted from its usual position as it swept backwards. Marvin’s breath hitched and turned away quickly. He didn’t wanna be caught staring, but he felt like he could for days.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So if we have two silver,” Trina began, gently steering the group back on track, “Then Root and Clatter can share a room, Artemis and I can share a room and …” Trina paused, looking up at Marvin. “Maybe Will can sleep on the floor?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel smiled and tried to hide it behind his papers. Marvin wasn’t sure if he was smiling at his DMing or at something else. He didn’t question it. He knows he wouldn’t like the answer. “Before you can get any farther in the conversation, you all notice a figure approaching from the hallway. Root, Clatter, Perkin, what do you do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I look at him and make a noise like some pots crashing to the ground, to alert the others.” Cordelia says with a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Very eloquent. You’re so well spoken Clatter,” Marvin mused, using his character voice that the others simultaneously loved and loathed. Cordelia slapped him on the shoulder playfully. He grabbed her hand and squeezed before brushing it off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charlotte huffed at Marvin but brushed off his remarks. “Hi, there! I assume you’re the other person staying at the inn that the innkeeper had mentioned? I’m Root! This is my girlfriend, Clatter. These three are my friends Artemis, Perkin, and William.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I smile at him and wave and then I say,” Trina stops dramatically, “Hi! I’m Perkins! Artemis is my </span>
  <em>
    <span>good friend.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Best </span>
  <em>
    <span>friend,</span>
  </em>
  <span> even.” She looks over at Mendel and snickers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel looks away and hides the bottom on his face with a large book. “Uh, Artemis elbows you and laughs.” He mumbles, a little flustered. Marvin doesn’t understand why he seems to get so worked up over the fact that an NPC and Trina’s character are basically dating. It isn’t that big a deal to him, is it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Whizzer says, leaning on his hand. “You four seem to be really friendly with each other. Nice to meet you all! I’m Isaac, but you can call me Ike.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Cordelia says suddenly, turning toward Marvin. All of the other players turn toward Marvin suddenly as they realize who Whizzer was </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> playing. Marvin, out of character, talked about his character’s backstory a lot. Or, well, enough to where his friends recognized the name. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He nodded at his friends, but then quickly turned his attention to the tall man sitting beside him. “Ike? What are you doing here?” Marvin asks, feigning disbelief and trying his best not to grin at Whizzer as brightly as he wants, but that was futile. Marvin beamed at Whizzer, who beamed right back at him. He felt silly, but it was like they were revealing a big surprise after a lot of hard work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What am I doing here? What are you doing here, Will?” Whizzer asks, placing a hand over his chest dramatically, “I haven’t seen you since …”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Artemis looks between you guys like this,” Mendel says, quickly looking between them with his whole head. It reminded Marvin of a dog shaking itself dry. It was endearing, Marvin guessed, or perhaps just silly. Well, Mendel is a bit of a goofy guy, so it couldn’t be too terribly out of character for him to do goofy things. “And then he says this: Will, do you know this guy?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure seems like you know this guy.” Charlotte hums as Root, “So, will you tell us how you’re acquainted?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, uh, Ike here was once…” Marvin trailed off flustered. He fiddled with the ends of his hoodie. He wanted to be able to say it, to test how the words sounded on his tongue, but he just couldn’t get the words out. “He was my… Uh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Boyfriend,” Whizzer finished for him easily. “Will and I were together for a long time, but there was ... an incident. I can’t get into it now, for my own sake. But, Will, I can’t believe you’re here! I’ve been looking for you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, babe, I’ve been looking for you. When I came back, you were gone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You came back?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I came back,” Marvin said as Will, faking being appalled, “Why wouldn’t I have come back for you?” He placed his hand over his own chest and watched Whizzer’s expression intently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The taller male looked away from Marvin and his voice got softer, “I thought you got tired of me, or that you died or something.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The whole table reacted by showing sympathy. It even tugged on Marvin’s heartstrings. Whizzer was … good. And this was his first time playing? Wow. He got into character really well and really quickly. Introductions normally didn’t take such a personal turn so quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not! Babe I … well,” Marvin shrugged, using all his strength to avert his gaze from Whizzer, “You know.” He moved his hands over themselves. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It was a character, Marvin.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It wasn’t as if you were going to tell this boy that you barely know that you love him. Your characters loved each other, and there can be a distance from that. He can separate himself from his half-elf bard. You can say that you loved a boy, because it wouldn’t be you saying it, it would be Will.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait! This is great news!” Marvin was wretched from the moment at the sound of his girlfriend’s character voice. It was like a bucket of ice was thrown onto his head and chilled him down to his bones. Right, girlfriend. He had one of those. “Will can room with Ike! Then we have the money for all of us to get a long rest </span>
  <em>
    <span>in a bed!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> She clapped happily. Charlotte whooped excitedly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, well, Perkin, dear, that’s up to Ike. I wouldn’t just want to impose on his private room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pfft, it never mattered with anyone else,” Charlotte snickered. Cordelia laughed, too, as she picked up some of her fish and ate it. She was surprisingly unaffected. Charlotte gave her an uneasy look. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’ll be fine, Will. Plus, if you need a long rest that badly, I might be your only chance to survive the night!” Whizzer elbowed him. Despite the pain, Marvin grinned. “I just can’t believe it’s really you! We should catch up. Or do something! Or hang out sometime! Or kis- hey, wait, you guys are adventuring, right? I was on my own before this, can I join you all?” Marvin had no idea what Whizzer was going to say, but he felt his heart stop despite that. Wait, no Marvin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Girlfriend,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Marvin! That, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>it was just a character.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He was just </span>
  <em>
    <span>in character.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I nod!” Cordelia shouts into the air. “And then I make the noise of rats scratching on wood!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to take that last part.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina laughed a little. “Of course you can come adventuring with us, Ike! The more the merrier! Plus, we could always use some extra hands and strength!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And just like that, Whizzer had assembled completely into their little group. Sure, there were small things that kept them all aware that there was someone new in the group, but Whizzer dazzled. He shined. Everything Whizzer did captured the attention of the room. It wasn’t just Marvin’s either, but he had that completely, it was everyone’s. In all terms, it should have been a slower session. There were very little checks or dice rolls at all. There was absolutely no combat, but Whizzer thrilled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin had no idea how he had convinced Whizzer to play his character’s main love interest. He also didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse. On one hand, this could be </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> bad. Like, really, really bad. Marvin could accidentally out himself. He could ruin his relationships, his friendships. He could lose all security in his relationship, lose his sense of footing. But, on the other hand… Seeing Whizzer chuckle and smirk and shoot out witty responses to his in-character flirting was amazing. And also, appropriate, because it was now in character. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I put a hand on Will’s arm and I say,” Whizzer beamed at Marvin. Marvin’s legs turned to jelly under the table, he was half sure the world stopped existing, “Wow, Will, even after all this time you’re still the handsome charmer I remember.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are as well,” Marvin said easily, much, much too easily. The words rolled off of his tongue and he felt … good. Flirting with Whizzer felt good. It shouldn’t, Marvin decided at that moment. But it still did. “That’s dangerous, I should really keep a lookout. Or make an alarm.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer laughed a hearty laugh straight from his chest. He threw his head back and lightly slapped a hand on Marvin’s shoulder. Marvin’s skin tingled and felt like it was set ablaze where Whizzer touched it. He almost completely pulled away, but he stayed there for now, basking in the feeling of his hand literally anywhere. Marvin wondered if he was just that badly touch-starved. “For what? Charms?” Whizzer asked incredulously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. I gotta keep a close eye on you, darling.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You absolutely do not!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not to break up a moment,” Mendel said, pushing something back into his pocket. If Marvin had to guess it would probably be his phone. “We’re out of time! I’ve got to be home in thirty minutes to help my mother with her latest project,” He sighed, deep and heavy, “Why does she want a rock garden so badly? Not even like a zen garden, but like rocks- Whatever,” He waved his in front of himself and stood, “But same time next week? Bring your best dice!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please tell me we aren’t fighting a dragon,” Whizzer pleaded, “I’m certainly not ready for that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bring </span>
  <em>
    <span>a</span>
  </em>
  <span> set of dice!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The group laughed as Mendel hurriedly gathered his things. After that, things were slower. Cordelia took her time wrapping back up the food that she had brought that went mostly untouched. Charlotte finalized her notes. Trina placed all her papers neatly in a group and put them in the perfect order. Marvin shoved his papers in his binder, but lingered so he wouldn’t leave first. He tried to make it at least look like he was busy, so hopefully they were buying it. Whizzer still had an excited energy radiating off of him as he placed his things back where they were and jotted some things down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon, it was only the two males left. As Whizzer turned to leave, Marvin grabbed him gently by the crook of his elbow. Whizzer turned, first with his face, then his upper body, and then using his whole body. “You did really good today.” Marvin said with a small grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer laughed a little, “Thanks! I was kinda worried about it, at first, but once you get into the swing of things, it gets easier.” He scuffed one of his shoes around the floor of the room. “Thanks for being so helpful with all the stuff, Marv. Don’t know if I would have any clue what I was doing if it wasn’t for you.” He placed a hand on Marvin’s shoulder and hesitated before giving it a resounding pat. “See you around!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin felt like he was on cloud nine.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope i captured their chaotic energy well i tried my best</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. feel alright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i . rlly like this chapter. but there is very little d&amp;d anything in it so.</p><p>also! just wanted to pop in and say to please support the black lives matter movement! there are playlists on youtube where you can watch the videos to donate. signing petitions takes only a few moments! if you have a few minutes, please sign as many as possible. outrage fatigue is so common these days, but we cannot let this issue die out! innocent peoples lives are at stake</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Whizzer was enigmatic. Marvin realized that as he stared off at the baseball team practicing. This wasn’t abnormal for Marvin - thinking about boys, or Whizzer specifically. The baseball part was abnormal, though. Marvin wouldn’t be out here if he didn’t have to be. Now, don’t get him wrong; The asses of guys in baseball pants were nice, but there was another reason Marvin was out there. He was waiting on Whizzer. They were going to hang out after he got done with practice, and Marvin had nothing better to do. So there Marvin sat, on the first row of the bleachers watching Whizzer toss a ball back and forth with another pretty boy in tight pants. Occasionally Whizzer would look over at Marvin and wave and grin or stick his tongue out. It made butterflies float in the curly haired boy's stomach as he nervously waved back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin thinks he is an asshole, sometimes. Pretty often, actually. When Whizzer would pass him in the hallway and whisper in his ear with some remark like </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Really, those pants, Marv?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> or something snide like that, he would fume. Whizzer knew that too, he knew how he would react. He poked fun at Marvin specifically because he wanted to get a rise out of him. They played games like that. Games where they would argue and jab at each other and bicker. Despite that, though, Marvin liked having Whizzer around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Too much. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He liked it too much.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Liking someone this much probably wasn’t good for him. Ignoring the fact that it was a boy that he liked, and that he had a girlfriend who adored him. This wasn’t going to end up well for Marvin, just based on the fact that he liked Whizzer so much. Marvin ran his hand down his face as Whizzer wiped some sweat off his brow bone. God he looked glorious. Yeah, Marvin is totally screwed. It was really only worsened by their weekly D&amp;D sessions where they pretended to be very in love. Because they both decided that was what would be good for their characters. Them both very in love after a long time apart, but acting as if no time had passed at all between them. It makes Marvin nervous. He’d never imagine he would be in this position of having to (getting to?) roleplay with a pretty boy that they were really, really in love. It threw him for a loop. The purity of the affection between their characters scared Marvin a little, too. It was a love he always wanted to believe in, but one he had never seen actually achieved by anyone in his life. Actually, now that he’s thinking about it, Charlotte and Cordelia had that kind of love … He didn’t know if it was possible for someone like him and another boy to have a love like that. Marvin wasn’t a Cordelia or a Charlotte. He was a rotten brat of a boy, nothing like the empathetic sunshine lesbians he called his best friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The person Whizzer was tossing the ball to opened his mouth and said something. Whizzer threw the ball back harder in response. His face was red, probably just with sweat. It caught Marvin’s eye anyways.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could Marvin end up in this situation? He didn’t even like baseball, but here he was, waiting on someone who was apparently a legend on their team. Whizzer genuinely, seemed to be too good to be true. He’s popular, athletic, pretty, nice, a little indiscreet, and mean enough to hold Marvin’s attention. Also he liked boys. That’s a big plus in Marvin’s mind. Because he liked boys. Or, wait, no-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin!” Whizzer shouted, jogging up to him. “You good? You still with us?” He asked, tilting his head. Marvin watched his perfect hair swish to the side. The sweat must’ve loosened the product. He watched small beads of sweat trail down Whizzer’s face and neck. He wiped his palms on his jeans and nodded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Marvin murmured. He forced himself to look right between Whizzer’s eyes. He was afraid to look at his sweating face in fear that he might do or say something completely inappropriate. And eye prolonged eye contact was awkward and intimate. “You ready to leave? It’s hot as hell out here, Whizzer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer laughed. Marvin blushed lightly but tried to hide it behind an annoyed huff. God, he hates how every little thing Whizzer did was amazing in his eyes. “Yep! I’m ready to go.” Whizzer held his hand out, and it took Marvin a little too long to realize he wasn’t just offering his hand to Marvin, but a bottle of water. It was half empty. Or full? Marvin wasn’t an optimist: empty. “You want some?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin shook his head and shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. If he did drink some that’d be like … an indirect kiss... Wait, what is he talking about? He isn’t in fourth grade, there aren't any indirect kisses. It’s just not sanitary. Plus kissing Whizzer? Marvin </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely didn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to do that. …</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> He is very convincing. He almost convinced himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What, if you drink it, are you gonna melt? Are you like a witch or somethin’?” Whizzer said with a laugh. Marvin rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine,” He huffed, “Just let me change out of these sweaty clothes and we’ll go, alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whizz,” One of the other members of the baseball team ran up to him.  Something uneasy settled in Marvin’s gut. This guy was also very pretty, and his smile was bright. Marvin didn’t like him. “Are you sure you don’t wanna hang out? I could buy lunch.” He said with a grin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer shook his head and held up a hand. “No. I’ve got plans with this asshole,” He motioned to Marvin dramatically. Marvin nodded at the other boy as a greeting but made no plans to actually speak to him. He really didn’t like the thought of Whizzer being close to someone else while they bought him food, laughed with him, and- Wait. Was Marvin</span>
  <em>
    <span> jealous?</span>
  </em>
  <span> No, no, he couldn’t be. Because that would be stupid. Whizzer was his friend only, and he could do whatever he wanted. Because they were friends.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Is this Marvin, then? Nice to meet you!” The other boy said, waving a little. He glanced at Whizzer and raised an eyebrow. Whizzer shrugged in response. Marvin felt hopelessly out of the loop. If Whizzer and this other guy were so close that they were having half a conversation without speaking a word, Marvin was screwed. He didn’t stand a chance. But once again, Marvin has a girlfriend who he loves and he does not like Whizzer. So it didn’t matter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wait how did that guy know Marvin’s name?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer elbowed Marvin. “Alright, I’m gonna go get changed. Try not to look like you’re doing to die or boredom or, God forbid, heat stroke. Take off that damn hoodie, Marvin! It’s so hot!” He groaned. Marvin shook his head and laughed. The tall male sighed exaggeratedly and left. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So then it was just Marvin and the other guy. He smiled at Marvin, gently. Marvin cleared his throat a little. “So, you’re Whizzer’s new friend? He seems to enjoy having you around,” The no-named guy said. How does someone say that casually? Is that something you could say casually? Should Marvin read into that? No, Marvin can’t afford to get his hopes up. Or, uh, he can’t think that Whizzer likes him more than others because that would be weird because they are friends who are friendly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Marvin croaked out eventually. He belatedly realized he hadn’t said anything to this guy before that. “Yeah, Whizzer is … pretty great,” A small, shy smile graced Marvin’s face for a moment. A fleeting moment, but a moment too long. He schooled it back into something careful, neutral, perhaps even mean. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The person in front of him smirks to themself and nods. “Nice chat, Marvin!” He says, waving his hand. “I should really be changing too, but it was nice to meet you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What is is about baseball players that made Marvin feel so insecure about his sexuality. Or, uh, how well he is hiding it. This must be why he hates baseball. That and because it’s very, very boring. Hit a ball with a stick, scramble for ball, run around square-thing, throw ball around. Not exactly Marvin’s style. But it was Whizzer’s and, speaking of which. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer was now standing next to him, by the bleachers again. He looked great, but he always looked good. “Ready to go?” He asked with a smile full of teeth. “Or do you wanna stick around here a little longer. I’m always one for ogling guys, but these are my teammates.” He laughed, “Would be kinda weird in the locker room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin sputtered indignantly, “That’s not what I’m doing!” He hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt, but he knew that it was probably a bright red. “Whatever, Whizzer. Let’s go.” He stood quickly and kicked his foot lightly. “Come on, asshole.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the asshole!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmhmm, yeah, okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh god, befriending you was regrettable. I cannot take this, Marvin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin laughed at his antics. “So what did you wanna do, Whizzer? You didn’t just invite me to hang out with no plans did you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer hummed in faux thought as he led Marvin out of the school. “I did, actually, so rude.” He turned and smirked at him. “I just wanted to hang out with you, because I actually like being around you for some </span>
  <em>
    <span>unknowable</span>
  </em>
  <span> reason.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin’s heart raced just a little as he got into the passenger seat of Whizzer’s car. Marvin didn’t understand why he said things like that. Or why it was just so easy for him to. It made Marvin’s heart sputter in his chest like a dying car engine. Or a chainsaw. You know how you have to pull on the chain of a chainsaw a few times before it comes to life? That’s Marvin’s heart right now. He tried to brush off Whizzer’s remark with a laugh. “It’s just you. No one else wants to hang out with me for extended periods of time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s gotta be someone!” Whizzer put the key in the ignition, “I mean, there’s Trina, right? She’s your girlfriend!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin hopes he doesn’t look as affected by those words as he feels. He looks away from Whizzer, instead opting to look out his rearview mirror. He shrugged noncommittally. Marvin’s throat feels dry. He wishes he accepted that water from before. Whizzer puts a hand on his shoulder and pats slowly. Then, he starts the car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And they just drive. It doesn’t really seem like Whizzer has a destination in mind. He just listens to soft indie music and hums. It sounded like love songs. He taps his fingers on the steering wheel, or the middle console. Occasionally he taps his fingers somewhere on Marvin, like his arm or hand. It makes Marvin’s breathing go kinda funny, but he is very careful not to react to it, because it isn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that big of a deal, Marvin, calm the fuck down.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your music taste is shit.” Marvin says after a long while. He wouldn’t be able to tell how long it had been exactly. All he knows is that the sun is setting, and the orange light illuminating Whizzer from the side looks beautiful. It takes Marvin’s breath away as Whizzer grins while looking at the road. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First time you talk for hours and it's just to insult my music taste?” He glances over at Marvin quickly, “Real classy, asshole.” His eyes are back on the road now, Marvin goes back to silent admiration. “What do you listen to, then?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Musicals.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin laughed as Whizzer came to a stop somewhere quiet and secluded. Whizzer turned to face Marvin and just watched him as he laughed. Then he patted Marvin on the leg. “Get out,” He urged, “Sunsets too pretty to just be sitting in a car.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, Marvin followed Whizzer a few feet from his car. Whizzer sat gently on the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees. Marvin sat next to him, careful to leave some space between them. Whizzer was even more gorgeous outside. The orange caught and reflected from his hair and his eyes as he gazed out. Marvin couldn’t look away from him. Whizzer wasn’t supposed to be the view he was getting an eyeful of, but yet his lips parted slightly at the brown haired man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s so pretty,” Whizzer said on an exhale. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Marvin agreed, talking about something entirely different. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer’s gaze shifted to him. He didn’t turn his head, but his eyes moved his way so he looked at him with his peripherals. He let out a loud sudden exhale and turned his whole body toward Marvin. “I have to ask you a question.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin was so distracted by the way Whizzer now looked haloed by the lighting. His face was a little dark but he lit up around the edges. His face was serious, with furrowed eyebrows and serious chocolate brown eyes. His lips were just slightly parted. Marvin bet that they were soft. And that they probably tasted like some nice chapstick. Marvin’s blue eyes lingered on Whizzer’s lips too long. He doubted Whizzer didn’t notice. His brain didn’t actually process what Whizzer had said until he licked the lips Marvin was staring at. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you like boys?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All romanticism was thrown out of Marvin’s head at that moment. He felt like an electroshock ran through him. He was instantly dizzy, but not a good kind of dizzy. The kind of dizzy you feel when you’re in deep shit - that kind of dizzy. He sat there, shell shocked. He knew he wasn’t being very discreet, but… He looked at Whizzer for a moment, panic settling over his features. Whizzer reached out and touched right above his knee. Marvin hated how it almost calmed him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just,” Whizzer started, softer this time, “I’ve noticed that things between you and Trina aren’t great. I just … wanted to know if I had a shot, I guess?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With me?” Marvin croaked. He blinked rapidly a few times. “Why? I’m - I ... You know?” He motioned to himself and the mess that he was. With his unkempt hair and unflattering pants and his red hoodie he wore every single day. And all his nerdy interests like D&amp;D and musicals. Whizzer… Wanted a shot with Marvin? Whizzer could have a shot with literally anyone he wanted! On Earth, probably.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer laughed and scooted a little closer. “Yeah,” He mused quietly. “Don’t know why, either. Like I said, though, I like spending time with you. You’re nice, a little rude, and fun.” He nudged Marvin gently with his foot. “I like the games we play.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Trina and I … aren’t doing great. But it’s not because of her. Trina’s great. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect...</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Marvin took a deep breath. He held it in his chest as if he was trying to physically gather courage. He tried to still the anxiety swirling around his head. He ran his hands over the rough texture of his jeans. “But, yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, like boys. Exclusively, I think.” Marvin twisted his hands together nervously. “That’s why my relationship with Trina isn’t working out. I like boys.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer scooted closer again. Marvin thought he was going to go into cardiac arrest. He doesn’t think he has ever felt this much ever in his life. Ever. About anything. Whizzer’s fingers drifted over Marvin’s gently, as if he was a ghost. “Can I kiss you?” He whispered. Marvin nodded very quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well, Whizzer’s lips were soft. And they did taste like a nice chapstick. A cherry one, specifically. His hand drifted into Marvin’s hair and his fingers twisted themselves into the thick curls. The kiss was soft and slow. Marvin didn’t know kissing </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> feel like that. Like he could feel like flying when he kissed him. Maybe the movie cliches about fireworks weren’t true, but when Whizzer’s lips pressed against Marvin’s he felt like, maybe, everything would feel alright.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Whizzer pulled back, he only did so a little bit. Their lips still brushed together with the next words he spoke. “Wow,” He whispered as if speaking too loud would shatter the atmosphere they created in that moment. Marvin agreed: </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Didn’t think I would be kissing a giant nerd today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin shoved Whizzer away playfully. Whizzer laughed as he leaned away from him voluntarily. “Alright, asshole, let’s go. I have a Jason to get back to.” He smirked as Whizzer stood up and brushed his pants off. The taller one extended his hand to Marvin, who took it. Whizzer pulled him to his feet with ease, but they both lingered near each other for a moment. “I have to get home,” Marvin whispered. Whizzer nodded hesitantly. They slowly got back into his car. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ride back was littered with playful bickering. As if they weren’t making out under a sunset a few minutes ago. Marvin liked that. Well, of course he liked the making out, but also the fact that things right now were easy with Whizzer. In the back of his head, a voice screamed at him that it wasn’t that easy. There was Trina. There were his friends. They would all be shocked and disappointed to learn what he just did, but sitting with Whizzer like this was just nice and natural and good. How could their group ever recover from this? Their teeny tiny band of D&amp;D nerds probably wouldn’t be the same if they learned Marvin just did what he did. While he was dating Trina. Trina. Marvin’s stomach turned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Redirecting his attention back to his conversation with Whizzer, Marvin huffed a little. “I’m just saying,” He said, raising his hands, “Aliens absolutely</span>
  <em>
    <span> do not exist.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s impossible!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin, you fucking bitch,” Whizzer hissed, “How could you think that? Why would you think that we’re the only planet that life can inhabit? There are so many planets out of our solar system. Do you know how many galaxies there are?” He asked, desperately keeping his eyes on the road, even if he was glancing over every few seconds. “I mean, come on! It is practically impossible that Earth is alone in the universe! We aren’t that special, Marv!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin laughed, watching Whizzer scrunch up his nose as they argued. “God, you’re really passionate about this, aren’t you?” He rested his elbow on the console between them and placed his palm on his chin. Whizzer was very cute. Very, very. Marvin now has the opportunity to really bask in that. He pushed the guilt to the back of his mind, stubbornly. Trina would probably understand if he explained things to her. That didn’t mean she would forgive him, or that things would go back to normal. But she might understand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m passionate about everything,” Whizzer defended himself. He glanced over at Marvin who was smirking at him like a cat who got the cream. Whizzer huffed lightly and smirked right back at him. “What? Like what you’re looking at?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Whizzer said in a mixture of a sigh and a word, turning his eyes back to the road. Marvin smirked more. Whizzer bit his lip while he drove. Marvin stared at him like he was the most interesting movie he had ever seen. He leaned back in his seat so he could be more comfortable while just watching and observing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re really pretty.” Marvin said absentmindedly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer nodded and smirked, “Get that a lot, Marvin.” He reached over and placed a hand on Marvin’s knee and squeezed. Marvin put a hand over Whizzer’s. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is dangerous, I need both hands to drive.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have put your hand there if you wanted it back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Asshole.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer beamed at the road from the driver’s seat. Marvin squeezed his hand lightly. Then he pinched the skin at the top of it. Whizzer flung his hand away from him, as if Marvin burned him and didn’t just lightly pinch him. “Ow! Asshole! What was that for?” He cried out, moving the hand to his chest dramatically like he was a dog with a wounded paw. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wanted your hand back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This was a big mistake. Let’s pretend like today never happened,” Whizzer joked, looking over at Marvin for a few seconds. “I hate you now, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin shook his head, then brushed the curls that fell loose out of his face. “Nope. You’re stuck with me now, Whizzer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, I regret all of my life choices that have led me to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Very reassuring to hear from the guy you just made out with.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the ride to Marvin’s house went very similarly. With Whizzer’s shitty indie love songs and now star-dotted sky setting the mood, the romantic in Marvin was desperate to shine through. He kept that carefully under wraps, though. You don’t kiss one boy and then profess your undying love for him. There wasn’t even an undying love for him. Marvin liked him, a whole bunch - but he wasn’t in love with him. Still, everything about this moment, this day, was practically something out of a fairy tale. Like a narrative Mendel would craft up for two characters that fell really in love.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat in Marvin’s driveway for a while. “Well,” Marvin started quietly, staring at Whizzer. The taller male stared right back at him with his lips slightly parted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something, but the only thing he got out was a quiet, “Well...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you later, Whizzer.” Marvin said, grabbing the door handle and starting to push it open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, Marvin!” Whizzer said, quickly reaching out and grabbing his cheek. His lips met Marvin’s again, for a quick moment before letting him go. Marvin smiled against him, very gently. “Alright! Go on, get home dickhead.” He smirked and waved his hand. “Tell Jason I said hi!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin was a little dazed from the kiss, but he left Whizzer. When he got to his door, he waved at Whizzer as he backed out of the driveway. Whizzer waved back the best he could while he was leaving. He flipped the bird at Marvin as he drove away from his house. Marvin was left with the sound of Whizzer’s laugh twinkling in his ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he swung the door open, he saw Jason sitting by a window facing the driveway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, shit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Marvin…” Jason said slowly. He scrambled up from his spot. “I was going to annoy you about being out so late, but ... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I saw something I shouldn’t have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin’s heart dropped into his stomach. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, fuck. Jason saw him kiss Whizzer. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marvin’s nausea returned stronger than ever. He leaned against the door just so he wouldn’t collapse. He prayed to a God he didn't really believe in that his legs wouldn’t buckle and send him straight into his hardwood.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” Jason said, swinging his leg in front of him, “Are you, like … </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Also will you order pizza? I’m broke and hungry. I like cheese.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. nothing to you/me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Yes, Marvin, oh my god. Trust me, I’m good. I don’t want something more than that, so I’m relieved that you don’t either.” He brushed Marvin’s hands off of his hips and moved across his room. “It’s not that big of a deal to me. I’ve been a fuck buddy with plenty of guys before. It’s nothing to me.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! this one hurt a little bit to write!</p><p>also im going to be moving house soon so if the updates slow down thats why! im not planning on abandoning this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I’ll accept you if you’re gay you know. You’re still my brother. I’ll love you no matter what, I think. Even if it’s against my better judgement, I think legally I have to love you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it could’ve gone worse.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but that fucker made me buy him a pizza.” Marvin huffed against Whizzer’s chest. They were currently in Whizzer’s bed, with Whizzer’s arms wrapped tightly around him. Their relationship had … </span>
  <em>
    <span>escalated</span>
  </em>
  <span> quickly. To say the absolute least. Marvin traced little stars on Whizzer’s chest. “I thought he was going to be homophobic or expose me to my friends or something like that, but he just wanted a fucking cheese pizza. The worst he did was ask me if he was … if he was going to, you know,” Marvin pulled his hand off of Whizzer’s chest and motioned it in the air, dramatically,  “Like boys because I do. Then he remembered Heather Levin and said nevermind.” He placed his hand back on the strong upper body underneath him and went back to making shapes lackadaisically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, I love that little terror. How does he get money? He’s twelve. And what does he even spend it on?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Allowance. And V-bucks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer laughed. Marvin felt his frame shake with the sound. He placed his head over Whizzer’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. “Stupid rich kids. God, that sounds just like you. In another life, Jason would be your son, not your brother.” He ran his fingers absentmindedly through Marvin’s dark curls. Marvin leaned into the touch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s … a really weird thing to say, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, now that I’m think ‘bout it, it kinda is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin hummed as a response and closed his eyes. This was nice. Whizzer was warm, and when his arms were circling Marvin things were okay. There was no need for guilt, or regret, or the little voice that screams at him that he is wrong and bad. His breathing started to even out and the finger that drew little shapes on the taller’s chest slowed to a stop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin,” Whizzer whispered, shifting a little from underneath him. Marvin gave a noise between a ‘hmmm’ and a groan. The brown eyed man laughed a breathy little noise that made Marvin’s pulse quicken. “I just wanted to ask,” He said, carding his fingers lazily through Marvin’s hair and massaging his scalp, “If you’re gay,” Marvin tried his best to hide how he winced, “Why are you still with Trina?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin frowned and picked his head up off Whizzer’s chest. It felt like it weighed around 100 pounds. He wanted to put it back down and have it stay there.“Whizz-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not trying to start a fight,” He said a bit defensively. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Marvin said, pulling himself out of Whizzer’s warm embrace. It took all of Marvin to do so. “She’s safe, I guess. No one questions anything if you’re dating a sweet, wholesome girl like Trina.” He made himself sit up, on the edge of Whizzer’s bed, letting his feet hit the cold floor. He wishes that there was still a carpet there or that they were still entangled with Whizzer’s, but he’s made his choice now. If he went back he feels like it would be losing. And Marvin couldn’t lose. Especially not to Whizzer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bed shifted behind him. Warm hands suddenly found themselves pressed against Marvin’s chest, and another person was flush to his back. “I get if you’re not ready to come out, but … maybe stringing her along is the best idea.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not-!” Marvin stopped to collect himself, to stop himself from suddenly shouting. Whizzer didn’t do anything wrong. Marvin’s just more sensitive than he would like to admit. The pretty boy doesn’t deserve his temper, so he desperately tried to reel it in. “I’m not stringing her along, Whizzer. Our relationship doesn’t mean nothing to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what are we?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin pulled away from his embrace and glanced at him from over his shoulder. “What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer moved back onto his bed more. His expression was closed off, calculated, careful. Blank. That … scared Marvin. Usually the Whizzer he has seen has been so full of life. He laughed, smiled, dazzled, thrilled. He was a splash of bright color in Marvin’s dark, monochrome life. But this Whizzer … Marvin didn’t know him. He kept his distance and watched as the other man’s bright shine dulled to a flicker. He glanced out his window, absolutely uninterested in Marvin’s feelings at that moment. “Is this nothing to you, Marvin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whizzer, I didn’t-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span> if that’s the case. I’m not really a serious type anyways. It would be better that way, for both of us.” Whizzer smiled at him, but it was wrong. When he showed his teeth it felt like he was looking at the face of a man who could kill him at any moment. Nothing at all like the sweet boy that wanted to play D&amp;D with a small group of nerds just a few weeks ago. “That way you could still have your </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span> girlfriend and the boy you fuck on the side. It’s not a big deal. We’re not really anything, anyways. Not really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That … would actually be good for Marvin. Was this a trick? Was Whizzer actually offering him a way to get everything he wants? He looked at the other boy. The taller boy’s expression was carefully schooled into looking like nothing again. He looked at Marvin and raised an eyebrow. Whizzer shifted his head forward on his shoulders and shook it a little, in a mock </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Well?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Marvin could almost hear. If the shorter one was a better man, he would try to decide based on what was the least morally reprehensible, but Marvin was not a better man. “Are you serious?” He asked, hesitantly. Was taking the out the other left for him really a good idea?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I‘m serious. I wouldn’t be your boyfriend or anything, just a guy you’re fucking on the side, you know?” He picked himself up off his bed and threw on some clothing. “My parents are gonna be home soon, so you need to get dressed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin slowly dressed back in his clothes. Whizzer grabbed the collar of his shirt and sighed dramatically. Then shook his head disapprovingly. The shorter or the two slipped his hands on the other’s hips and held him for a moment. They both just stood there, with each other. Marvin didn’t know how long it was, but it didn’t feel like long enough. Despite Marvin not wanting the moment to end, Whizzer raised his eyebrow and the curly haired man let out a big breath.“Are you okay with that, Whizzer?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Marvin, </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh my god.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Trust me, I’m good. I don’t want something more than that, so I’m relieved that you don’t either.” He brushed Marvin’s hands off of his hips and moved across his room. “It’s not that big of a deal to me. I’ve been a fuck buddy with plenty of guys before. It’s nothing to me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that…  well, that didn’t sit right with Marvin. Was that all they would be to each other? Friends turned fuck buddies? It would solve his problems, probably. Just having fun with Whizzer while still having the safety of Trina’s actual companionship. It would solve his problems but Marvin couldn’t help how shitty it made him feel. He should want what Whizzer is offering. It's the answer he had been looking for since he met Whizzer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, he accepted. “Okay.” Marvin said quietly. Whizzer nodded curtly at him. It was a sure, firm nod. It left no room for questions. Fuck buddies it was then. Marvin grabbed Whizzer’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Whizzer looked at him for a moment, and smiled a smile that was far too barbed to be genuine and then he pulled his hand back abruptly. He shoved his hands in his pants pockets and stepped far enough away from Marvin so that he couldn’t reach out and touch or hold him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Whizzer parroted, then turned away from him. “Seriously, though, if you don’t want my parents to think you’re gay, you should probably go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so, he went.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything had changed since their last session together. That was an objective fact. But sitting around the table with everyone, Marvin felt very much the same. Everyone was in the spots they had adopted since Whizzer’s joining. They were packing in like sardines around the small table. Several shoulders brushed up against each other in the small room. In the middle of the table sat a plate of bourekas that everyone but the tall, spunky blond woman were afraid of touching. Mendel smiled at everyone from the head of the table. He had several pieces of chicken-scratch littered parchment scattered around him. All the players made an effort to not look at the papers, even if they were completely visible. Charlotte held tightly onto the hand of her girlfriend, Cordelia, who urged the others </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘come on, it’s spinach! It’s good for you!’</span>
  </em>
  <span> with a little shimmy of her shoulders. Marvin was in between Whizzer and Trina. Trina clung to his arm like a lifeline, like she was afraid he would disappear if she wasn’t touching him. Whizzer carefully averted his eyes from Marvin and Trina, choosing instead to stare at the food on the table and wonder if he should risk it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything felt so suffocatingly normal that Marvin had to take a moment to ask himself whether anything had happened at all. If his fairytale kiss under the sunset and subsequent agreeing of </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘it’s not that serious’</span>
  </em>
  <span> was something that happened in reality or if Marvin dreamt it in a homosexual fever dream. It wouldn’t be his first gay fever dream. Wouldn’t even be his first one about Whizzer. Should Marvin feel shame for that?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then Whizzer looked over at him and smiled a bit too sharply. His foot connected gently with Marvin’s leg underneath the table. Not hard and obviously not with the intention of hurting him. Just enough to make sure that Whizzer had Marvin’s attention. Marvin knew at that moment that nothing could ever really be the same between the six people in the room. Hell, Jason was dragged into his friend group, seven people. One of which was not in the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Earth to Marvin?” Whizzer asked, waving his hands in front of Marvin’s face, “You still with us?” He smirked at him. Marvin wants to grab his hand and just hold it. It was probably very warm, and inviting and accepting. It was probably calloused from baseball and other things Whizzer liked. His hand was probably hard, just hard enough to remind Marvin that yes, he was a man. Just that was enough to make his heart race. But that wasn’t an option for him now. Because of his girlfriend on his other arm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” He instead opted to answer and grab Trina’s hand. He interlocked their fingers and pretended she was Whizzer. Trina beamed up at him like it meant the world to her. Marvin did his best to ignore the hopeful look in her eyes. It killed him a little. The fact that he couldn’t love her. Well, not like how Trina wanted to be loved by Marvin. Marvin did love her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he did.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Just … platonically. He smiled down at her as sweet as he could and pretended that there was no nausea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From beside him, Whizzer made a small noise. Marvin ignored it the best that he could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You guys ready to play some Dungeons and Dra-” Mendel stopped himself abruptly, looking at his scattered papers, “Oh my god, please tell me you guys didn’t look at these.” He scrambled to gather them up after drawing so much attention to them. Once he had gotten them all together he tapped them on the table three times to get them all in a line. He gave his friends a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina laughed a nice, high pitched noise that made Marvin feel like he sucked on an old lemon. Mendel’s lips twitched upwards, though, and the short jewish man was immediately enraptured in the girl clinging to Marvin’s arm. “Don’t worry, Mendel! I know I made a conscious effort to not look!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I tried to look, but I couldn’t read anything from across the table,” Whizzer commented with a shrug and a smirk. He leaned an elbow on the table and nudged Charlotte, who laughed but tried to stifle it behind her hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cordelia blinked at Mendel, “No! I was preoccupied by the bourekas! Did you leave the papers out again?” Marvin huffed out some boisterous laughter at blond’s bluntness. The girl in question faced Marvin now and wagged her finger in front of him. “Now, hey! Don’t make fun of him! Remember that time you tried to DM and you got frustrated and banished Mendel’s character to another plane? For no reason? You weren’t even frustrated </span>
  <em>
    <span>because of Mendel!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Then you tried to justify it by saying his character ate dirt. Then you accused </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mendel himself</span>
  </em>
  <span> of eating dirt!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer slammed his hand against the table and cackled. Charlotte sighed and ran a hand down her face. Trina giggled and squeezed onto Marvin’s arm affectionately. Mendel saluted to remember his fallen player character. “Yeah, I remember,” Marvin muttered, shrugging Trina off finally. He felt much better. Unconsciously, he rubbed where she had been clinging to. “Sorry about that, again, Mendel.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel waved his hand out in front of himself, “Water under the bridge now, Marvin! Don’t worry about it!” He beamed at him. Well, mostly at him. Mendel beamed a little at Trina too, but Marvin ignored that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know who that sounds just like?” Whizzer asked, nudging Marvin. Marvin’s head whipped around quickly to him. It made him a little dizzy, but he did his absolute best to ignore it. Whizzer grinned at him. His lips quirked upwards in return. Mostly against his will. “Jason.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right?” Trina asked, leaning around Marvin to get a better look at Whizzer. “I swear! Jason is just like a smaller Marvin!” She slammed her hand down on the table. Marvin wondered if it actually hurt her. She was a fragile girl, probably. It might’ve stung. “I mean, is it </span>
  <em>
    <span>genetic?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Did Marvin teach him to be a menace?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer scrunched up his face. “Menace?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guys, we should really get back on track.” Charlotte said, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend’s knuckles. She turned to Mendel and smiled. “What do you have for us today, bud?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel nodded, looking down at some papers. “Okay,” He said, dragging out the ‘o’ for entirely too long. He glanced back up at his friends. “So, last time we left off, you were all talking about what to do about the baby dragon that you’ve found that Ike </span>
  <em>
    <span>refuses</span>
  </em>
  <span> to fight. We said we would resolve that this session, so let’s get into that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer nodded. “Guys, I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past week. I know you said you didn’t want me to have a dragon familiar, but I wanna know who specifically said that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did,” Marvin pipped in. “It might go sideways and then we would have to fight the dragon and you wouldn’t want that. I say we should just leave it alone and continue on our way.” He laced his fingers together in front of him and looked at Whizzer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tallest person in the room nodded. “I hear you. But I don’t like what I’m hearing. So I cast Hold Person on Will.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whizzer, oh my god!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what did you do to him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay,” Mendel said, looking up at Whizzer with wide eyes. “What does that spell do?” He anxiously wrung his hands together at the absolutely victorious look the tall man had on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin, dear,” Whizzer said with a voice as sweet as sugar. Marvin’s head turned to mush at the endearment. He wanted to kiss him desperately. But Marvin was not so unwise, not so foolish to do so in front of everyone. But he really, really wanted to. “Make a Wisdom saving throw? I think? If he fails, he is paralyzed.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you have to roll anything Whizzer? And, what's your spell DC?” Mendel asked hurriedly. He looked a little overwhelmed already, and no one had done anything yet. Maybe DMing isn’t good for his health. Marvin hoped he didn’t stay up even later planning their campaign. Mendel was already an insomniac, he didn’t need to have any more reasons to be up at night. “Marv, buddy, go ahead and be rolling that saving throw.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh,” Whizzer checked his spell index card again. It was something Marvin remembers Charlotte helping him with one day after a session. The grumpy man’s heart swelled with affection because of his friends. “I don’t think I have to cast anything…” He looked up. Confusion was clear on his face. Marvin thought it was very, very endearing. And cute. God, even when Whizzer was attacking him, he was so cute. “Spell DC is… um …” He trailed off. Charlotte leaned over and motioned to where he could find it. “Oh! Thirteen! My spell DC is thirteen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so I need to beat a thirteen,” Marvin mused to himself. He took the dice in his hand and shook them. Marvin rolled them and held his breath as his new d20 that had never failed him rolled across the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Twelve!” Whizzer exclaimed, happily. He turned to Marvin and breathed in, “Alright, so I-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait a second, Whizz,” Marvin said with a smirk. “That’s not plus my modifier. It’s actually a fourteen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer’s happy expression fell. “I always forget about modifiers. Why do you have to add anything to a dice roll at all? Why can’t you just go with the number the dice gives you? I call bullshit.” He huffed and crossed his arms. Marvin just shook his head at him. The taller one kicked him under the table, nothing like the gentle nudge from earlier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Luckily for Ike, Will loves him and will overlook this for him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, thank you Marv,” Whizzer faux gushed, very smarmy sounding. “Okay. So, since that spell failed, I guess I’ll …” He trailed off, “Well, I would cast charm person but I’ve kinda got that down pat, huh?” The table laughed, but Whizzer made eye contact with Marvin. While everyone else was distracted, the tall boy winked at the shorter one. Marvin’s face heated up. His world swayed and spun out of control for a moment. He kicked Whizzer back. “Ow!” Whizzer said with a hiss, “Hey, this asshole kicked me!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You kicked me first!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No I didn’t!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, you did!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Children, please,” Mendel said with a loud, dramatic sigh. “No kicking. We aren’t ten!” He glared at the two men sitting at the other end of the table. At Marvin and Whizzer’s matching pouts, he nodded. “Alright, good. Now are you two going to behave?” Marvin made a noncommittal noise. Whizzer shrugged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, this is why I don’t like men. I say we just drag them both away from the dragon.” Cordelia proposed, glancing around to the other women at the table. Charlotte and Trina nodded in agreement. “Alright, I grab both of them by the collars and start to drag them away.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Roll strength, ‘Delia. Marv, Whizzer, roll dexterity.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin glanced over at Whizzer’s character sheet. “This one’s your dex modifier, so you’ll add three to your roll,” He pointed out helpfully. Whizzer’s expression softened a little. He opened his mouth, like he wanted to speak. But then his chocolate eyes flickered to Trina. It was so small and quick no one but Marvin himself picked up on it. Instead of saying anything, he gave Marvin a tight smile. The blue eyed man furrowed his eyebrows at him, but gave him a confused smile in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nat 20!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, nevermind that advice Whizzer. What the fuck, ‘Delia?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not my fault, Marvin! It’s the dice! It’s what they wanted! Blame the dice!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, she got a critical success?” Whizzer asked, looking at Marvin, “There’s nothing we can do? We just have to leave this baby dragon alone?” Marvin shrugged a little. The taller man pouted at this and slumped back in his chair. His eyes were cast away from the table and he crossed his arms over his leather jacket clad chest. Marvin’s heart ached at the sight. God, why was he so soft for him? He shouldn’t be. Whizzer is an asshole.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, so you guys get your asses dragged away by Clatter.” Mendel says, looking much too happy. Marvin wishes he would stop. His happiness is making Whizzer unhappy. He says nothing, though, and just turns back to the pretty boy by his side.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Putting on his most exaggerated version of his character voice, Marvin nudged his … uh … guy that he had kissed with his elbow, “Well, baby,” Marvin drawled out. Whizzer’s lips twitched upwards for a mere second but he hid it with another pout, “Now you know you won’t have to fight a dragon if trying to tame it failed. I’d hate to see you upset after that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer let out an exhale through his nose. Slowly, a real smile made its way onto his face. “Yeah, maybe this is for the best. Wouldn’t want to give our all knowing God the satisfaction of making me fight it.” Marvin gave a loud laugh and threw his head back. “Thanks for looking out for me, darling.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And oh, that hit different. Marvin should’ve realized how differently their flirting would feel now, but for some reason he didn’t think of that at all until Whizzer had responded to his own flirting. He felt like he had no breath left in his lungs, and he prayed he didn’t look as shocked and flustered as he felt in that moment. Marvin hung his head to hide his face behind his mess of floppy curls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, man,” Mendel groaned with a sigh, “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted you to fight that dragon.” He complained loudly. He shuffled a few pages really loudly before looking back up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they all continued to play, Marvin could barely keep his attention on the game. Every little glance Whizzer sent his way made him feel like his brain fried. Everytime Whizzer would call Marvin - no Ike called Will - terms of endearment it made him go weak in the knees. When Whizzer would laugh with Cordelia, Marvin’s whole world would sway. When he would get outraged with Trina, Marvin’s pulse would soar. When he would try the food with Charlotte, Marvin almost swooned. When he made the campaign harder for Mendel, Marvin swore he had never liked someone more. Which … you know. Girlfriend. Problem. Was he being redundant at this point?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the end of the session, they waited for each other. Marvin noticed it right before the lesbians left, that Whizzer was lagging. So Marvin lagged with him. Even brushed Trina’s invitation to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘anything, really, let’s just spend time together, Marv’.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Marvin would rather be murdered by Whizzer right there in that dusty club room than hang out alone with his girlfriend. Wow, to everyone that didn’t know Marvin liked men, that must be seen as a real shitty thing to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it’s seen as a shitty thing to do, anyways. Maybe having a girlfriend when he liked men was seen as shitty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he was … afraid. That wasn’t his fault. Coming out of the closet was hard. Trina would understand. Probably. Trina was sweet, of course she’d understand. She would, right? </span>
  <em>
    <span>She would.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin,” Whizzer cooed out now that they were alone. He slipped his arms around Marvin’s neck and played with the curls around his nape. Marvin’s stomach flooded with butterflies and his whole body heated up. “You weren’t very discreet, you know? I doubt the others picked up on it, but seeing you all flustered the whole game was really cute.” Whizzer kissed him on the cheek. It was a chaste, quick kiss. Marvin smiled at him, probably very dopily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well,” Marvin slid his arm around Whizzer’s torso, pulling him closer. “It’s hard to get a grip with you around. You’re very, </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> pretty Whizzer Brown.” He mused, leaning in for a kiss. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer kissed him. It was a good kiss, with just the right amount of pressure and passion and-. The tall man pulled back abruptly, a smirk coloring his features. Marvin tried to follow after him, causing laughter to twinkle out Whizzer. “I gotta go, Marv! I’ll see you later, maybe!” He slipped out of Marvin’s embrace then, and started to head toward the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Marvin called out. He took a few step forwards and reached his hand out, trying to grab him. “Whizzer,” He whined, watching as Whizzer stood with one hand on the doorknob. “Don’t go. I still wanna kiss, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tall boy laughed again and shook his head. “Sorry, Marvin, that’s it. I’ll think about later, though.” He opened the door. “Be on your best behavior, and I’ll think I’ll probably do it, alright?” And just like that, he was gone. The door shut too loudly behind him, and it made Marvin wince just a little bit. He stood there, alone in their club room that he adores so much. This … must really mean nothing to Whizzer. If the taller man can kiss him and so quickly leave, as if it didn’t matter at all… Even though he agreed to it, he can’t help but feel sad and disappointed. He didn’t make the wrong choice. He couldn’t have. But ...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin feels like sea foam left after a wave crashes to shore and makes its retreat. He stands there, for a good few minutes before deciding that he does need to get home. He grabs his books and makes his way back to his younger brother.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if u wanna talk to me abt falsettos u can find me on breakfastoversugar on tumblr! i love. speaking.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. we'd make a scene</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“You’re so self-absorbed.” Jason said, voice cold. “You don’t care about how your actions affect others as long as you benefit from them. You need to leave people out of your egomaniacal fantasies. Let people live their own lives.” He moved to leave the room. “You’re going to end up hurting everyone around you if you don’t stop, and soon. And for the record, I care because they’re my friends, too. I don’t want to see my friends getting hurt because of your terrible choices. I don't want Trina to get hurt because you’re selfish.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi ! this chpter was a little later than the others ! im still in the process of moving and stress and stuff, but i hope its still good!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dark. It was dark. So dark that it was hard to see. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>How eloquent! Very intelligent and well-spoken. Congrats on the astute observations. Ms. Goldberg would be rolling in her grave if she even knew that there were such simple thoughts in his simple head. Not that the woman was dead, no she was alive and fine, hell she even still taught at his school ... but, y’know … Rolling in her grave.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin was currently staring at his ceiling. He was exhausted. It was six in the morning - maybe six fifteen. He had been laying in bed for the best six hours. He occasionally got up to do normal human things like go to the bathroom. Around an hour ago, he got a nice cup of tea. It didn’t help. Whizzer always insisted tea would help. Maybe he lied to Marvin...</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin was not normally an insomniac, no those titles were taken by Jason and Mendel. More often than not, Marvin found himself being able to sleep. They were normally dreamless slumber, but he slept nonetheless. He often overslept, actually. But at times like this, he couldn’t will himself to sleep at all. He turned onto his side. The guilt was eating away at him. He should just end things with Whizzer and be a good boyfriend to Trina. That’s what everyone wanted and expected of him. That was what he wanted and expected of himself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Life wasn’t that easy, though. Marvin wishes, desperately, that he could like Trina the way she craved him to. She would smile at him and give all of her love and he just took, and took, and took. But it isn’t his fault he can’t return them! He wants to, desperately. So, it really isn’t his fault that Trina gives her love to him on a silver platter. Maybe one day, he’ll actually convince himself to love her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Whizzer. Oh, Whizzer. The amount Marvin feels for him isn’t good. He shouldn’t be anything more than a friend, but Marvin finds himself in his arms more than anywhere else nowadays. Well, despite his better judgement, he found himself trying to be in Whizzer’s arms more often. Whizzer always pulled away from any real affection. Marvin had no idea why. He quite liked it. The quiet moments filled with only breathing, occasional humming of a stupid little song that was stuck in Marvin’s head at the moment. But Whizzer always pulled out of his embrace very quickly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And another thing about Whizzer. Marvin thinks he is being cheated on. (Which should be the least of his worries, considering he has a girlfriend </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> someone who he desperately tries to fit into the mold of his boyfriend, but Marvin is far too arrogant and self-obsessed to see the hypocrisy with his own eyes.) It's just little things. Like hickeys that Marvin certainly didn’t give him. Or how he seems a bit too friendly with other guys before he notices the shorter man. And it stinks. How could this mean nothing to Whizzer? How could he deny what they have like that? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Didn’t he … like Marvin? Didn’t he want a shot with Marvin? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin huffed and rolled himself onto his stomach to plant his face into his plush pillows. He was reminded of how Whizzer’s pillows were terrible. Would it be rude to buy him better pillows? He needed them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he should count sheep. That might solve his problem.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As long as he got to sleep, it would be fine. He did have a date with Trina today, but it wasn’t until five in the afternoon. That was what was causing all of his sleeping issues. This date with Trina. He should go on less dates with Trina. No. Marvin can’t stop doing something he doesn’t really ever do in the first place. Trina had begged him after school for a date. She was practically going to tear her hair out. Marvin only agreed to avoid causing a scene. Normally he wouldn’t have a problem with causing a scene, but he didn’t want people to know that he was having relationship problems. If they knew it probably wasn’t that large of a leap to figure out that he … Well. It doesn’t matter right now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What matters right now is that Marvin needs to sleep. These thoughts were loud and distracting. They were not what he wanted to be thinking. He didn’t want to be thinking anything, actually. He wanted to be asleep. He sighed and pulled out his phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Whizzer - Direct Messages </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> whizzer are you up?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> at nearly seven in the am? yeah? up for the day</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> wtf why do u wake up so early</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> i have a routine! i am not an animal!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> i like to bathe and drink tea. and get in some reading when its quiet. im actually taking ap eng lit! </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> learning how to speak the language. proud of u whizz</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> is there something you needed marvin?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin hesitated. He could admit to Whizzer that he couldn’t sleep. He could tell him about everything that had been plaguing his thoughts. He could be open and honest and vulnerable. He could tell Whizzer how he longed to be held by him. For just one second, one minute, one hour more. But Marvin is not that kind of man. Marvin is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>masculine man</span>
  </em>
  <span> who hides his feelings and certainly does not tell them to a romantic, vicious, sweet, mean man that would probably laugh at his face when he tried to bring them up. He frowned down at his phone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> just wanted to see how u were doing this morning pretty boy</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> nice love being insulted and then called pretty. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> so why dont u tell me abt why ur rlly talking to me</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> can i come over later?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> oh. i shouldve known. yeah you can</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> thanks. is around eight ish good for you?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> yeah. see u then. look cute</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin’s heart fluttered in his chest. He hated how Whizzer could do practically nothing and have the shorter man in the palm of his hand. He wonders distantly if he loves Whizzer. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> Whizzer. He liked his smirks when Whizzer knew he had a good comeback in an argument. He liked Whizzer’s hair. How it would occasionally flop in his face and how he would groan like it was a personal attack. Marvin liked how if you got him flustered he would blush all the way down to his shoulders. How he could just effortlessly say snappy little comments from out of nowhere. How he would actually laugh and smile at Marvin sometimes, if the short man said or did just the right thing. How he was radiant and good with their friends, amazing with Jason. Those were things Marvin liked. Of course, those were only some things of many that he liked about him, but … </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he did love Whizzer. That would be … bad. Marvin should be scared of that, right? Why isn’t Marvin more afraid of being in love with someone who he means nothing to? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But then again, maybe he didn’t love Whizzer. Their … </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> had been going on for a few months now, at this point, but it still felt much too soon to call love. Maybe he loved the fact that Whizzer was a man. He was athletic and boyish in ways Marvin just wasn’t. Maybe that was what Marvin really loved. Maybe the boy that it was didn’t actually matter at all. Maybe it was arbitrary. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But ever since meeting Whizzer, he couldn’t imagine it being anyone but him. No one except Whizzer. He couldn’t imagine spending hours with someone who’s laugh didn’t ring in his ears like Whizzer’s. He couldn’t imagine another hand in his. He couldn’t imagine another smirk that would piss him off to no end. He couldn’t imagine smiling at someone from across the room for no reason. When he thought of his future, there was also Whizzer. He couldn’t imagine anyone but him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin looked at the clock and sighed. The sun was already coming out and shining far too brightly in his eyes. It was time to get up and face the day ahead of him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin was running on fumes, and it wasn’t even quite time for his date with Trina. He was sitting on the couch, counting the minutes he had left to live. Every date with her felt like his last night on Earth. Each time with them alone, he felt like he was on the precipice of death. But death never came. Marvin didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” Jason said, hopping next to him on the couch. He gave his brother a one-over and raised his eyebrow. “You going somewhere?” He asked, tilting his head at his older brother. Jason was an adorable kid, with his mop of brown curls and toothy grin. Marvin’s heart swelled with affection and pride when he did anything.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin nodded in response to the little man. “Got a date tonight.” He debated throwing on his red hood. It would make him feel better. He would be able to toy at his sleeves. But, no, no he really shouldn’t. Probably. It wouldn’t make him look nice, and Trina loved appearances. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“With Whizzer?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He snapped his head to the younger boy and sputtered. With Whizzer? No. He wished, but no. Trina was his girlfriend. Why would he be going out with Whizzer? Marvin wrung his hands together and furrowed his eyebrows together. “What? Why would I be going out with Whizzer?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You guys are dating, right?” Jason swung his little legs. They thumped against the couch loudly. “I mean … you guys kissed and everything, right?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin’s whole face was bright red. It should not be this  warm, just from this. He cleared his throat and looked away. “Uh, no. Um, Whizzer and I aren’t dating. I’m going out with Trina. My girlfriend. Whom I am dating.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason’s whole face pinched together. “But you kissed Whizzer?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And you like boys?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, I mean … I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Only boys?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve been through this, Jason; yes.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason turned his body away from him. His eyebrows were pulled together and his features were stretched thin across his face. “So why are you still dating Trina? That’s not right, Marvin.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know the whole story!” Marvin said, reeling his head away from his younger brother. “It’s not that simpl-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It is, though, Marvin!” Jason raised his voice. He stood and stomped his sock-clad foot hard against their hardwood flooring. His temper could be just as bad as Marvin’s himself. Just as explosive. “It really is that simple! You’re leading her on when you don’t - </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> - love her, and it’s wrong!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin raised his hands, in an attempt to calm the other. “You don’t understand, bud. It’s not-! It’s hard!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not saying you have to come kicking and screaming out of the closet, Marvin, but you’re wasting Trina’s time!” The young boy shouted, balling his fists at his side. “Let me put this in a way that might actually get through to you, Marvin: You’re wasting your own time! There’s no point in being with her! Break up with her, set her free, and move on. Why are you still with her if you’re not happy?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not wasting my time!” Marvin shouted back. He took a deep breath. Yelling at his brother wouldn’t solve anything, it would just get them both more heated. “My relationship with Trina isn’t nothing, Jason. Trina matters. Why should it even matter to you anyways?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> her. You don’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s not importan-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And you do like Whizzer.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whizzer has nothing to do with this.” Marvin said defensively. His shoulders stiffened and his face pinched like he had eaten a lemon. “Listen, kid, it’s scary. Being gay. Trina would understand and stick by me if I explained it to her. She’s sweet and understanding.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so self-absorbed.” Jason said, voice cold. “You don’t care about how your actions affect others as long as you benefit from them. You need to leave people out of your egomaniacal fantasies. Let people live their own lives.” He moved to leave the room. “You’re going to end up hurting everyone around you if you don’t stop, and soon. And for the record, I care because they’re my friends, too. I don’t want to see my friends getting hurt because of your terrible choices. I don't want Trina to get hurt because you’re selfish.” And just like that, he left like a violent and angry storm that beat down on Marvin and left him defenseless. Marvin listened to every angry thump of small feet against the stairs. He slumped back against the couch, feeling more like a small, scolded child than he had in years.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Was he really in the wrong here? Could it really, really be that simple? Maybe Marvin really is in the wrong… Maybe he shou-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The doorbell rang, high pitched and annoying, and most importantly, snapping Marvin out of his self-reflecting stupor. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin realized that the hellish part of his night wasn’t over yet.. It was really just beginning.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He dragged himself to the door and prayed it wasn’t who he thought it was. He doesn’t know how he would handle it if it was Trina. He feels nauseous just at the thought of her. He willed his hands to not shake as he turned the doorknob and pulled the door open.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The nausea increased tenfold at the sight of her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>To anyone else, Trina would look bright and radiant. She was in a yellow dress that stretched down to about mid-calf with a white cardigan on top. Her hair was half up and half down and she was currently tucking a strand behind her ear.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At Marvin’s unintentional staring, her face pinked lightly. It reminded him of a wedding, her the blushing bride and him the unwilling, frumpy groom. He almost doubled over. “Hi, Marv,” She chirped softly. Trina looked at his face, and her features contorted a little. “Are you alright, Marvin?” She asked, putting her hands on his arms and grabbing. She was trying to stabilize him. She was trying to be nice. It made him feel so much worse.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m okay,” He snapped, jerking back as quickly as possible. “I’m alright. I’m just … ready to go.” He said with a sigh. Just being near her like this was draining. He ruffled a hand through his curls and plastered a tight, fake smile to his face. “You ready?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Trina nodded and led him out. They got in her large silver soccer mom van, Marvin shutting the door a bit too harshly on his side. Trina got in at the driver’s side. She was the mostly self appointed driver of the group. Mostly because her best friend is Mendel, and he panics whenever he is behind the wheel. She rubbed a hand in what should be a soothing motion on his arm. Marvin tensed and he pulled away a little. Trina nodded, though her face turned with worry. She didn’t mention it, though. Maybe she knew better than to mention it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The drive to the place they agreed upon - a small, quiet 24 hour diner - was absolutely silent. And awkward. Damn was it awkward. So… not really looking great for a whole evening alone together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t until they actually got their drinks that Trina spoke again. She added some fake sugar that Marvin always found so dreadfully redundant to some unsweetened tea and smiled at him. “How have you been lately, Marv?” She asked, moving the straw in a circular motion around her cup, even after the not-sugar dissolved into the liquid. “I feel like you’ve been so distant lately. I mean … we’ve both been around. We’ve exchanged pleasantries and such. We’ve gone to D&amp;D but … I don’t think we’ve actually talked in a while?” Despite her words not actually being structured like a sentence, they were said like one. Her eyebrows, though upturned, rose on her forehead and her lips quirked upwards questioningly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin shrugged and sipped his drink. “I don’t know.” He said, curt, blunt, frank, uninterested. “I don’t think that’s the case, Trina.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Trina’s smile stretched tighter on her face. She glanced out a window, her eyes a little empty and vacant.. Her incessant stirring sped up, rather than stopped. Marvin wishes she would stop.“I did.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin hummed as the waiter approached. He got their orders quickly and fled, leaving a blanket of silence over the two. Marvin ordered a burger, Trina a salad. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Marvin, be honest with me,” Trina said, turning her attention back to her boyfriend sitting across from her. She reached out and grabbed Marvin’s forearm. Her thumb stroked it, gently. Marvin didn’t know if he could hold down his burger. “Are you cheating on me with another woman?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Marvin asked, louder than intended. He pulled his arm away as the gentle, caring woman in front of him burnt him. “What are you talking about?” He asked with the same volume. His chest was puffed. He was ready for an argument.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Trina frowned, leaning forward in the booth. She placed both of her hands on the table, too. This was not a good place for an argument. It was a terrible place for one, actually. “Are you cheating on me with another woman?” She asked again, voice also getting louder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course not, Trina! Fuck!” He said, leaning away from her. “Why would you think that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re not cheating on me, then what is going on with you?” She cried out. All her bravado was gone, suddenly, as she curled up on herself. She was choking up on her words as she desperately tried to wipe tears from her eyes. “You never hold me! You never kiss me!” She gave up wiping away her tears and just cupped her hands over her face and let out a cry. “Why, Marvin?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin huffed, shaking his head. “Not everything is about you, Trina!” He said, matching her volume. “It’s not about you! It just isn’t! I’ve had things going on. I’ve been trying to figure things out with me.” He balled up his fits and dug his nails into his skin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s always about you, Marvin!” She said through tears. “When does it get to be about others? When does it finally get to be about me?” She slammed her hands down on the table. Her unsweetened tea wobbled unsteadily. Marvin reached out to steady it and then sent a glare toward his girlfriend. “When does it get to be about anyone but Marvin?” She hissed, balling her hands up on the table.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t make a scene, Trina, jesus!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re the one that started shouting, Marvin!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Excuse me, is, uh, everything alright?” Their terrified waiter interrupted. Marvin watched as all fight drained out of Trina and shame reddened her cheeks. The waiter looked between them for a few moments before clearing his throat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Marvin said, “We’ll go.” He pulled out some cash from his wallet and handed it to him. “That should be enough for the drinks. Keep the rest as a tip.” Marvin stood then, beckoning Trina to do the same. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Trina fiddled with her long, flowing skirt as they walked out. She breathed as she got into the car. She waited a beat before resting her head on the steering wheel. “One night out, Marv. Is that too much to ask?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re the one that started it.” He said defensively. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter who started it,” She sighed. Trina sounded so dejected. She shook her head against her steering wheel. “It doesn’t matter.” She reiterated, and started the engine. “I just wanted to spend one good night with you, Marvin, but you act like I disgust you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin looked out the window, deciding once and for all to take his eyes off his sad girlfriend. “You don’t.” He crossed his arms over his chest, “You don’t disgust me, Trina.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what is wrong with you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At Marvin’s silence, she sighed loud and long. Marvin could picture the grip on her steering wheel tightening. He could imagine her eyebrows furrowing together and how deeply she would frown. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m trying to understand, Marvin, I am. But you have to tell me something!” She cried out, anguish lacing her tone, “You have to let me help you!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t need help, Trina.” He said, cold and calm. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Trina sucked in a breath. The only things that were heard on the way back to Marvin’s house were the sound of bad pop songs Trina liked and the sound of her crying. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Marvin felt terrible. It confirmed to him that everything Jason had told him was right. He was hurting everyone around him. But he was afraid, and he couldn’t admit that to anyone. He knew he was being selfish. He knew it was wrong. And he felt guilty. But above all of that guilt was a fear he covered with arrogance and an uncouth attitude. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Get out of my car,” Trina said. Marvin looked at her, suddenly. “We’re at your house, Marvin.” She said, curt. Her brave facade broke when she sniffled, though. She covered it up with a cough the best she could, but Marivn heard it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Listen Trina…” Marvin said, turning his body toward her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What are we doing anymore, Marv?” She asked, not changing her posture in the slightest. “We’re not happy. Do you even love me?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No. That was the answer. There were no long paragraphs weighing the reasons why he is or isn’t in love with her. It was just a simple answer. No, he wasn’t. He never has been. He doesn’t think he ever could be. Not romantically. Not like she wanted him to be. Not like she needed him to be. Not like others could love her. No, he didn’t love her romantically at all. The thought of holding and kissing her made his stomach churn. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” He lied easily enough, but the words sat heavy on his tongue. “Of course I love you, Trina.” Marvin wanted to reach out, to hold her like a good boyfriend would. Hell, like a good friend would. But he didn’t, because he couldn’t.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But it was enough to placate her. She smiled at him, uneasy and unsure. “I love you, too, Marv. I’m sorry our date was such a disaster.” She took her hands off the steering wheel, finally, to rub her arms. “You’ve never even looked at other girls the entire time we’ve been dating. I don’t know why I was so convinced you were cheating on me. I feel so silly.” She laughed at herself, a shrill and humorless and hollow sounding little laugh. Marvin was reminded of Whizzer’s, which was the exact opposite. Whizzer’s laugh was warm and deep and it felt like sunshine gleaming down on you. He was reminded that he was going to see Whizzer soon.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He probably shouldn’t be thinking about his … whatever he and Whizzer were while trying to comfort his distraught girlfriend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“There are no other girls,” He assured her. And well, it was true. But the cost felt heavy. “There are no other girls I like as much as you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Trina wrapped her small arms around his neck. She held him and squeezed him gently. Marvin slowly placed his hands on her back and rubbed. She pressed her face into his shoulder and let out a big sigh. “I love you, Marvin.” She muttered into his shoulder before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Good night, I’ll see you at school.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Marvin got out of the car. He wandered inside, feeling absolutely numb. It was still a while until he got to see Whizzer. He didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. He sat down, alone, on a seat and his living room. Where did everything go so off the rails? He just wanted things to be simple and easy. Was that too much to ask? Was the God Marvin doesn’t really believe in going to strike him down for wanting too much? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What did Marvin want? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All. He wants it all. He wants his friends. He wants his brother. He wants his girlfriend. He wants Whizzer. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t a crime. Marvin needs love. This way he gets the love he needs and craves. This is fine, this is good. This would keep everyone happy, right? Everyone would be in the right, right? Remembering the two separate fights he had with Jason and Trina, it’s hard to imagine Marvin being in the right, but he knows he is. He is doing this for everyone as much as he is doing it for himself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And sleep. Marvin wants sleep. He desperately wants to go to sleep. He hasn’t slept at all, and he is ready to fall over from exhaustion. But he couldn’t sleep now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Whizzer - Direct Messages</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> had a rlly shitty day. can i come over early?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Whizzer:</b>
  <span> yeah. head over whenever</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So Marvin did. He got in his own car and left for Whizzer’s house. His house was homey and large. All of his siblings were out of the house now, since he was the youngest, so it was a little lonely. But even at its most lonely and cold, it was so much warmer than a family full at Marvin’s home. He felt safe and welcomed there. He felt safe with Whizzer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He knocked on the door, and after a few minutes Whizzer opened it. He was dressed really casually. Just jeans and a pink polo, but the smirk on his face really elevates the look into something much more than just jeans and a polo. He stepped aside and held the door open a little.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You look like shit,” Whizzer laughed. Marvin’s body warmed. He felt like he was being dethawed after an ice age. “You doing alright, Marv?” He asked. After Marvin stepped in, he closed his front door and slung his arms around Marvin’s neck. He pressed himself against the shorter man’s back and hummed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin sighed, long and loud and grabbed one of Whizzer’s hands that was now resting comfortably on his chest. “It’s been a long day.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you wanna talk about it?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Marvin said quickly. Because he shouldn’t talk about his feelings. He shouldn’t - couldn’t be so vulnerable around Whizzer. He didn’t know that it wouldn’t grow teeth and attack him later. He pressed Whizzer’s knuckles against his lips gently. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay.” Whizzer hummed, moving himself around to face Marvin. He brought his hands up to cup Marvin’s jaw. He used his chin to gently stroke his cheek. Marvin leaned into the gentle touch. He could almost convince himself it was a loving one. Whizzer pressed his lips against Marvin’s, softly. It made him feel like everything about this terrible day was alright. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mere, up the stairs.” Whizzer said once he pulled back. He let go of Marvin completely and headed up. “Don’t be slow, idiot. You’ll probably get lost somehow.” He laughed as he went upstairs. Marvin felt like he was being revived. He went after Whizzer, quickly, as if letting him out of his sight would make him disappear forever. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Whizzer left his bedroom door ajar. When Marvin walked in, an ad for Spotify Premium played through the small, shitty speaker on his phone. Whizzer looked up and grinned, almost sheepish but certainly charming. “Sorry,” He said easily, “I meant for you to be a little slower, actually, Marv. I planned on the music already being on when you walked in.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin threw his head back and laughed. He walked to the taller man and shimmied his shoulders, just a little. “What’s all this about, Whizzer?” He asked with a smile.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” He started, shimming his own shoulders back at Marvin. “You just … looked like you could use some company. I mean, everything we do is nice and all, but I feel like we could do something else right now.” He slung his long, strong arms around Marvin’s shoulder and stepped so close that they were almost chest to chest. “So, let’s dance, okay? Just us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just us?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dancing?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Just us. Dancing.” Whizzer said with a chuckle. He shook his head. Marvin noticed, distantly, that there wasn't any product in his hair. So his hair moved with him when he moved his head. Marvin’s heart swelled. It shouldn’t mean much, but it did. It meant so much to Marvin.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have two left feet.” Marvin pointed out. He didn’t feel very smart. He usually felt so smart. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I can teach you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can teach me how to dance?” Marvin asked, laughing a little and sliding his own arms around the taller man’s torso. Whizzer hummed in acknowledgement and swayed them a little.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And that was all it was. Swaying to music with Whizzer there. It shouldn’t feel so special. But that was one of the most special moments of Marvin’s life. Occasionally the taller man would hum and sing along to lyrics Marvin didn’t know. Marvin was so filled with emotions, there in Whizzer’s arms. He felt more alive than he had ever felt in his life. “This is …” Marvin trailed off, not being able to find the words.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice,” Whizzer said on a whimsical exhale.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nice,” Marvin parroted back to him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They swayed for a while. Until another ad came on and Whizzer pulled away in embarrassment, mumbling something about how much he detested Spotify. When Whizzer came back to him, after trying to turn the ad off, but to no avail, Marvin kissed him. It was sweet, and gentle. It was something that their passion didn’t normally have room for. Marvin’s hands shook as he held Whizzer’s strong frame. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Marv,” Whizzer said on an exhale. He averted his gaze, but the small smile on his face spoke more words than either of them could find at the moment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Despite the mental and physical exhaustion he was experiencing, Marvin felt like he hadn’t been happier in his life. Here, in Whizzer’s warm home, in Whizzer’s warm arms. Maybe he could love Whizzer. He wouldn’t tell him, but maybe … Maybe this was love.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then Whizzer smiled at him, a smile that wasn’t quite like others. It was unsure, but happy. It was full of an unbridled mirth. His eyes shone with unspoken emotions. And Marvin’s world tilted on its axis. He stared, helplessly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And he was sure he was in love. And he was screwed.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. i love him.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“You love me?” Marvin said, feeling far too quiet and far too loud. He stared, wide eyed ahead. He was afraid to look over and see the expression on Whizzer’s face. To shatter the perception of this moment. Because that was all it took, one unpleasant look, or a sneer or a smile that was too barbed, too mocking. But he wanted to believe it, so badly.</p><p>“Oh my god,” Cordelia whispered to Charlotte, “He loves him.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this one took so long!!! this chapter is mostly setting up a bigger one for next time so apologies over the filler!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Alright, so you do what now?” Mendel said, sounding exhausted by the group’s antics this week. He had one hand in his curls and the other played out, hidden from view by his DM screen. He was normally such a high energy man, so to see him so tired and stressed like this gave Marvin a bit of a rush. He felt bad, Mendel was his friend and the person he confided in most - apart from maybe Whizzer, now - but he was still Marvin. And a chaotic D&amp;D player.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I cast Charm Person on the Goblin.” Marvin repeats himself, a little louder this time. Mendel visibly sinks further behind his screen. He runs both his hands through his hair before sighing and popping back up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold off on that, Mendel. Marvin, if you cast Charm Person, Marvin, I swear,” Cordelia said, giving him the stink eye. “We can’t just Charm Person out of all of our problems!” She put her hands on the table and leaned forward. The tall girl puffed her cheeks out and pouted at him. Charlotte rubbed her arm to calm her girlfriend. Marvin didn’t know if it was to protect her best friend, himself, or if it was just so Cordelia wouldn’t bite his head off. Either way, he was grateful because Cordelia instantly melted into her soft touch. He sat all the way back in her chair and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. Charlotte laughed against her mouth and laced their fingers together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Vicious mockery?” Marvin offered with a raise of his eyebrow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer grinned. “I love vicious mockery. You just say insults to someone and then they die? That’s so rad.” He propped his chair up on two legs for a moment. He teetered like that before Marvin set his hand on his leg and forced it back on all four. Whizzer tutted at Marvin, brushing the shorter’s hand off his leg with ease. “If I could actually have vicious mockery, Marvin would be gone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin sputtered, indignant and just a little offended, “Why would you use it on me?” He said, more shrill than he would have liked. He jabbed Whizzer with a finger, poking him arm forcefully. Whizzer threw his head back and laughed at him. “I am perfectly fine, thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, shortie,” Charlotte hummed, not skipping a beat and not even looking at him. She was still looking at Cordelia, who was glancing at her character sheet and periodically looking back at her girlfriend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not to mention your sense of fashion,” Whizzer chimed in, smirking at him. He was watching him, carefully from under his lashes, but he had his hand up like he was examining his bitten nails. Marvin scowled the best he could, but Whizzer was so, so pretty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And would it kill you to do something with your hair?” Trina said exasperatedly. She smiled though, lovelorn and friendly. She cozied up to his side and Marvin pulled away. He huffed a little and pretended it was because he was upset and not that sometimes touching her was too much for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you can be so needy and greedy,” Mendel sighed. There was fondness to his tone, too. It was a mere playful jest, but Marvin frowned at him nonetheless. Mendel looked back to his papers, quickly. He shuffled the papers, more out of habit than searching. Marvin smiled like he won something, even if he didn’t really win anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And I don’t know what you’re going to do when we get older; you can’t cook at all!” Cordelia laughed, high and loud. The group looked around at each other, with varying looks of guilt. “But it’s okay, Marv. When we get older, you, Charlotte, and I will move into a really nice apartment building. And Charlotte and I will be your neighbors and we’ll come over and help you cook!” She sighed, dreamily, resting her cheek on her loving girlfriend’s shoulder. “It’ll be great.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin smiled. It did sound good, that life. A quiet life with his spunky lesbians neighbors. A quiet life with Whizzer and his best friends Charlotte and Cordelia. Marvin realized with a jolt that she didn’t mention Whizzer. Belatedly, he realized she didn’t mention Trina, either, but that wasn’t as distressing to him. Them not mentioning Trina should upset him, their lack of faith in his current relationship should upset him. It didn’t, not really, but the thought of not having Whizzer around made his stomach turn. “Yeah,” He agreed despite that. He reached over and squeezed the tall man’s knee, mostly for himself, “It sounds great.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer looked at him for a few moments, an unreadable expression on his face, before brushing Marvin’s hand off of his knee. He cast his gaze away from Marvin, over toward Mendel who just listened to his friends with an amused, happy little smile on his face. Though Marvin withered from the lack of attention from Whizzer, he looked over toward Mendal, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, since Cordelia has threatened Marvin with bodily harm if he casts Charm Person, what else do you guys want to do?” Mendel asked, glancing around the table. The table fell silent for a moment, with everyone thinking of the best way to go about a plan. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could hit him with my mace?” Whizzer said with a smile, “I’m sure that would be a great plan.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel hummed in approval, nodding along. Trina reached over, across Marvin (an action which annoyed him to absolutely no end), and set a hand on Whizzer’s. His fingers twitched almost imperceptibly and his smile stretched a bit tighter on his face. He stayed still, despite his displeasure being obvious to Marvin. “You’d have to roll initiative if you attack him.” She reminded him gently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer nodded, quickling pulling his hand away and putting it to his chin to think about his next move. He looked down at his trusty notecards. A smile crossed his face. It was one that often made Marvin swoon. It was vicious, cruel, and cunning. He looked up at Mendel, a challenge in his brown eyes. “I want to cast Banishment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel’s smile dropped. His whole posture changed. “Uh, what level is that?” He asked nervously. “And what does it do and what do I need to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fourth level,” Whizzer said easily. He gingerly plucked up the notecard and read it over. “Okay, so if you don’t pass a charisma saving throw, the target is banished to a demiplane.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina, Charlotte, Cordelia, and Marvin all wore matching grins. Marvin feels thrills whenever Whizzer does anything, but God, nothing makes his heart race like Whizzer with a good idea and a vicious smile. Charlotte lightly slapped Whizzer’s arm and grinned at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel rolled some dice behind his DM screen. Marvin waited, with bated breath. It was a long moment, far too long. Perhaps their trusty DM was stalling. Mendel looked up, and grinned sheepishly. “How is a seven against your spell DC?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a fail!” Whizzer cheered. The whole table rejoiced, loudly. Marvin gave his lover (can he call him his lover?) a high five. Whizzer held it, lingering just long enough for Marvin to crave more physical contact. It couldn’t have been more than two seconds, but those two seconds were everything to Marvin. “I say we just go and run now that he is in another dimension!” The whole table agreed, absolutely overjoyed at the fact that this spell worked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Mendel said, tapping his fingers on the table. “So you guys see Ike casting a spell. You all have no clue what it is, but the next moment, the guard is gone. He has disappeared into thin air.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, baby, what did you do?” Marvin drawled out, effortlessly pulling out his character voice. “I wanted to add him to my crowd of adoring fans.” Marvin cooed, smirking at Whizzer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The taller man grinned at him and shoved him lightly. Just enough to jostle him. Whizzer was so masculine, it made Marvin’s palms sweat. “I thought I was the only adoring fan you needed.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin’s heart skipped a beat. Unwillingly, that is. He didn’t want it to. “O-of course you are!” He said, hoping that no one else caught on to the fact that his stutter was suffocatingly real. Marvin huffs, and with his own normal, Marvin-y voice, he says, “And then I grab his hand and uh,” He coughed, pushing down any flustered energy, “Press a kiss to the back of his hand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, gay rights.” Cordelia whispered, mostly to Charlotte. Due to the close proximity of everyone in the club room, pretty much everyone heard. Whizzer threw his head back and laughed. Marvin flushed a little brighter. Charlotte smiles at her loving Cordelia and presses a kiss to her cheek. “Oh my god, they exist out of D&amp;D, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow,” Trina says in the character voice of Perkin, “I can’t believe that you two are being sappy. That’s a rare sight.” She looked toward Whizzer and Marvin, “Usually you guys are bickering.” And wow, Marvin didn’t expect Trina to call them out, but here they were. Marvin looked at her and smiled the awkward half-smile that he knew made her seemingly melt. She did just as he expected. Her features softened and she cozied up next to him. Marvin realizes that perhaps his expression backfired. He played himself, this time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Playful bickering!” Whizzer defends, in character, “It’s playful! Bickering with him is fun! Right, Will?” He turns to Marvin, a smile tugging at his lips.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin nodded, helpless to do much but agree with Whizzer in this situation. “Yeah,” He says, “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wow, you guys know that you’re supposed to be in character, and not just talking as yourselves, right?” Charlotte joked, rolling her eyes playfully at her friends. Marvin sputtered, flustered and feeling unwelcomingly called out. Whizzer just shrugged noncommittally. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel waved off Charlotte’s comment, in a nonverbal gesture of ‘ignore her’. He smiled at his friends and moved his hands over themselves a few times as if to say ‘go on’. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The bickering and arguing is just how Ike and I flirt,” Marvin said fidgeting in his seat. “It’s better than, uh,” He racked his brain, “Stuttering and singing, dare I say, roundelays.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, baby. Everyone knows you’ll fall apart if it isn’t iambic pentameter.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin cut his eyes Whizzer’s way. Whizzer smirked at him and waved with his fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel cleared his throat, getting into the voice of one of their beloved NPCs, Artemis, “Well, I just don’t get it. Why can’t you be open and direct, like Perkin and I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cordelia started to laugh, but quickly she reached her hand out and shoved whatever she brough for food in her mouth. She grinned at Mendel with a mouth full of … Marvin isn’t quite sure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Trina agreed, ignoring Cordelia’s struggle, “Artemis and I are really, really close friends and everyone knows that!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aw, Perkin, we’re more than friends!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, Artie, can’t hear you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer huffed, in character, and crossed his arms dramatically over his chest, “Will and I just have a different dynamic than you two! I don’t have to tell him that I love him!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You love me?” Marvin said, feeling far too quiet and far too loud. He stared, wide eyed ahead. He was afraid to look over and see the expression on Whizzer’s face. To shatter the perception of this moment. Because that was all it took, one unpleasant look, or a sneer or a smile that was too barbed, too mocking. But he wanted to believe it, so badly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Cordelia whispered to Charlotte, “He loves him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you two said that out loud?” Mendel asked in his Artemis voice, “That you love each other?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did it have to be?” Whizzer - No, Ike. Not Whizzer. - whined, sounding tired. “I mean … he knows, right?” His voice got a little closer. “You know that, right Will?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin swallowed an awkward lump in his throat, “No.” He said bluntly, “I didn’t know.” He glanced at Whizzer. Their eyes locked for a second. Marvin felt like all the air in his lungs was held captive by the other boy. He felt like his heart was being willed to stop.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>An unreadable expression crossed over Whizzer’s face as he leaned back. He hummed, far too casual about what he was trying to say to Marvin. “Well, I do. I love you, Will.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice that you’re in love, but Clatter and I will always be the best couple here. Perkin and Artie have already accepted that, and you have to, too!” Charlotte said with a quick laugh. The whole table, with the exception of Marvin, laughed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Marvin, well, he couldn’t hear of the sound of his heart thundering against his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whizzer!” He called, “Whizzer, wait, I wanted to talk with you before we went home!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tall man in question looked at him and sighed, loud. He raised one of his perfect eyebrows and put a hand on his hip. Marvin bent and put his hands on his knees. Whizzer pressed his lips thin. “In the car,” He instructed, then kept walking without him. Marvin groaned, helplessly. He had run after him basically through the whole school. Damn Whizzer and his long legs and his tendency to walk really, really fast. Now, once again, he was struggling to keep pace with Whizzer. He was always struggling to keep pace with Whizzer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he slipped in Whizzer’s passenger seat, he took a big gulp of air. Whizzer handed him a water bottle, it wasn’t full but it was over half way full. Marvin all of it in one go, like a man lost in a desert. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So…” Whizzer started, fiddling with his keys but not putting them in the ignition. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you mean it?” Marvin blurted suddenly. He felt like he usually had more tact than this. “What you said earlier, did you mean it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That you had a terrible sense of fashion? Marvin yes-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, not that.” Marvin waved his hand, “The other thing- You know!” He leaned a little to Whizzer, of the console of the taller man’s car, “Don’t deflect, Whizzer! Do you love me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer looked at him and worried his bottom lip. He ran his fingers over the keys. “Marvin,” He said quietly, “It was part of the game.” He turned away, abruptly, to look out the driver’s side window. “It was Ike talking to Will. It was a character saying that they love another character.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Marvin feels the heavy, heavy weight of disappointment. He doesn’t know what he expected. He knew the answer would be a ‘no’. He knew that. There was no way Whizzer felt the same way Marvin did. And even if he did, there was still Trina to worry about, and-.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You okay?” Whizzer asked, rising his hand and reaching out. He held it in the air for a few moments before letting it drop back down. Close to Marvin, but not touching him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That described how Marvin felt right now, disconnected, hollow. Alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna go.” Marvin said, opening up Whizzer’s car door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marv-” Whizzer called out. He reached out, but it was too late. Marvin closed the door before he could hear what Whizzer was going to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>On the way back to his own car, his phone lit up with messages from his friends. If there was anything that could make him feel better in that moment, it was the others. Despite them sometimes ganging up on him, he knew they loved him. Unlike Whizzer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>tight knit dumbasses</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> bad news gang</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>the smart one:</b>
  <span> if youre dying, i dont have a medical degree yet</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> im not dying luckily!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> i dont think thats very lucky, but continue</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> thanks marv! ur friendship means the world to me</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> ew! gross! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> just like u, buddy!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> MOVING ON, im not gonna be able to do the next session at our scheduled time. when do you guys have free next?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>baking bad:</b>
  <span> ive got work some days. i do have next thursday, wednesday, and saturday off tho! altho thursday is our usual day… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>mom friend:</b>
  <span> ive got babysitting monday, but i'm free the rest of the week!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> got baseball practice monday, wednesday and friday</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> yikes! doesnt seem like a great time window. marv? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> uhhh im not doing theater this year, so im free.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> we could just push it back for next week if you guys want?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> we could have it at my place on saturday? i know that delia mentioned she’d be free…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lil marv:</b>
  <span> wait… if u guys have it at whizzers house i wanna come! i love whizzer</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> jason. u are so so so so good and i love you</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>the smart one:</b>
  <span> im good with that. saturday, that is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>mom friend:</b>
  <span> i think all of our schedules align that day! so saturday next week and then after that, back to thursdays?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> afterwards we could go to a party i was invited to! jason wouldnt be able to come to that one, but i think it would be fun for the rest of us!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lil marv:</b>
  <span> this is unfair and i will cry. whizzer i trusted u…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> a party? like a real high school party?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> did u expect a fake one?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> a little.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>mom friend:</b>
  <span> i love u two. my favorite knuckleheads.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>simp ceo:</b>
  <span> oh trina !!!!!!!!!! thank u</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>baking bad:</b>
  <span> oh that sounds like so much fun!!!! yeah lets go to a party afterwards</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>the smart one:</b>
  <span> duality of ppl. we play d&amp;d and then we go to a party. love that for us.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>baking bad:</b>
  <span> i love </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>!!!!!!!!!!!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> gay</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>the smart one:</b>
  <span> marvin. ur my best friend but im not afraid to destroy u</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> no thank u. the offer is quite appealing, though</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> so! saturday d&amp;d and then party? thats good? alright! ill give u my address and dox myself in a bit so yall will know where to go</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> yall… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> ignoring him. i cant wait! i’ll provide snacks and stuff, u guys just come on down with all the stuff u need!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> i feel like this is gonna end badly</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>wozzer:</b>
  <span> dont be silly marv! since when has something i suggested ever gone badly?</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <b>linguini:</b>
  <span> i can think of a few things.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. spiky lesbians</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Marvin, I’m your best friend.” Charlotte said, calmly. She said it as a fact. Which is true. She was Marvin’s best friend. For many years, Charlotte has been his rock. She had been there when Marvin needed her all the other times before. “We don’t care if you don’t like girls, I’ll still be your best friend.” Marvin tensed and looked away from the women at the table. He didn’t know what to do with his hands. He brought them out of his hoodie and laid them in his lap, but he felt awkward and stilted. “But I want to ask you calmly. Are you cheating on Trina with Whizzer?”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>next chapter will have the promised party scene!! but this is one that needed to get in there before that happened so!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Marvin has been in a terrible mood all week. It was very obvious to those around him; much to Marvin’s displeasure. Mendel had even pulled him aside Wednesday afternoon to ask him if he was doing okay, if he needed someone to talk to. The blue eyed man had brushed him aside. He couldn’t tell Mendel why he was upset. How could he? Mendel would probably laugh at him and then steal his girlfriend.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But he also couldn’t tell Mendel partly because Marvin himself didn’t really understand the deep hurt he felt, either. The news Whizzer gave him last week in his car shouldn’t have hurt him as much as it did. He knew Whizzer probably didn’t love him. Hell, he wasn’t even dating him. That had mutually agreed on that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Both of them</span>
  </em>
  <span> agreed that it wouldn’t be serious: that being more than … whatever they currently were would be big trouble. Marvin shouldn’t be so upset that Whizzer actually stuck to their conditions. Whizzer never promised his heart to him. Whizzer never even promised to be exclusive. Which, logically, Marvin thinks is fair. He has his girlfriend </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> his lover. But emotionally? Emotionally it crushes Marvin, to think that he wasn’t good enough for the other.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, yeah, Marvin has been in a terrible mood. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You,” A voice cut through the almost abandoned school hall. The bell had rung mere minutes ago, but Marvin lingered because there was nothing waiting for him at home. There was Jason, but … Nothing really beyond Jason. Even if it was a Friday. Hell, it could be his birthday and his parents would still want nothing to do with him. “I have to talk to you.” A familiar, friendly face came into view. Charlotte. Except she didn’t seem very happy. Her face was pinched together and she was frowning. Marvin’s head filled with the worst possibilities.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” He asked his best friend, shoving his bag a bit further up his shoulder. “Is it an emergency?” He hoped not, Marvin was practically useless during emergencies. His anxiety would get the best of him and he would clam up and then explode angrily. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Charlotte shrugged, shoving her hands into the pockets of her high-waisted pants. “Maybe, that’s up to you. Is it private, though. Come on,” She urged, tilting her head down the hall. “Cordelia’s waiting in the club room.” She started walking that way without checking to make sure he was following. But Marvin knew Charlotte, and so he followed her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin laughed, uneasily. “Are you guys going to lecture me? Am I in trouble for something?” He walked behind her, matching her brisk pace. Charlotte didn’t answer, just kept facing forward in the hallway. Marvin’s stomach dropped to his shoes. He nearly faltered. “Charlotte?” He asked again, a little weaker. A little desperate to hear something good, something reassuring.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But there was still no reply. She opened the door to their club room, walking in and letting the door go behind her, leaving it to almost swing right into Marvin’s face. He yelped and slipped in after her before it swung closed. He cursed under his breath. Cordelia’s light blue eyes looked up at them. Her mouth was turned down, shoulders slumped, eyebrows furrowed. She had her head tilted toward the table as her posture curled even more in on itself. Her body language practically screamed dejected and stressed. Usually, her expressiveness was something Marvin basked in. She was usually very fun to be around, but when she was sad it was infectious as well. Marvin pushed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and tried to hide the anxiety welling in his chest.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s going on?” Marvin asked, taking a seat across the table from his closest friends. He kept his fingers in his hood and dug his fingernails into his skin. “If you’re asking me if I’m okay, yes. Mendel tried to ask me like two days ago-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you cheating on Trina?” Cordelia blurted, looking distinctly uncomfortable. She wasn’t really the type to be blunt. Both of the women across from him were more likely to sugarcoat things. “With someone we know?” She pressed on. Marvin stayed silent. All the air was immediately knocked out of him, so he doesn’t know if he could say something even if he wanted to. Charlotte also said nothing. In fact, she averted her eyes. “With Whizzer?” Cordelia asked, softer this time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At the mention of Whizzer, Marvin felt a fire ignite. The others couldn’t find out. If they thought he was cheating on Trina with another girl, that would be fine but he didn’t want Whizzer to be involved. “Where is this coming from?” He asked, licking his lips and willing his throat to work. His voice was off, though. It was a bit too high, a bit too tight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It would explain things, Marvin! You’ve never been interested in Trina-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> Trina-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“-And you got very close with Whizzer recently!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whizzer is my friend! You’ve gotten close with him recently, too, ‘Delia!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You stare at him a lot-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“-I do not! What the hell?!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re like, always touching him-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whizzer is very affectionate!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“-You rarely, ever, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> touch Trina! You look </span>
  <em>
    <span>sick</span>
  </em>
  <span> when you touch her!”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t look sick!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve gone to baseball practices! You don’t even go to the actual game, Marvin!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not that strange, </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh my God-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yes it is!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Cordelia slammed her hands down on the table, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> baseball! The only time you’ve ever gone to a baseball game is when Jason first started playing, and then you’ve only been to one! And you complained </span>
  <em>
    <span>the whole time!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin grinded his teeth. If he pushed back hard enough, they’d have to give up. They’d have to let it go. Right? “Cordelia,” He said slowly. “Nothing is going on between Whizzer and I.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Marvin, please! Whizzer really-”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Charlotte put a hand on her frazzled girlfriend’s shoulder. Cordelia melted against her touch instantly. She wrapped her own hand around Charlotte’s and pressed a kiss to the back. “Cordelia, baby, I think I should handle it from here.” Cordelia nodded, moving the shorter woman’s hand from her shoulder to her cheek. The blond woman sighed, gently pressing a kiss to her palm. Charlotte smiled at her, lovesick and dopey. Marvin’s heart panged. He wants a love that soft and gentle, but his love …</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His love didn’t love him back at all.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Marvin, I’m your best friend.” Charlotte said, calmly. She said it as a fact. Which is true. She was Marvin’s best friend. For many years, Charlotte has been his rock. She had been there when Marvin needed her all the other times before. “We don’t care if you don’t like girls, I’ll still be your best friend.” Marvin tensed and looked away from the women at the table. He didn’t know what to do with his hands. He brought them out of his hoodie and laid them in his lap, but he felt awkward and stilted. “But I want to ask you calmly. Are you cheating on Trina with Whizzer?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Charlotte…” He didn’t actually have the strength to say more. Everyone had been yelling at him for his actions. Marvin knows that they’re wrong. He knows. But when he thinks of Whizzer’s smile, of Whizzer’s laugh, of Whizzer’s arms wrapped around his neck as they swayed to the taller’s soft indie music, of Whizzer’s eyes as they were illuminated by the orange sunset, of Whizzer in general … his heart flutters.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Charlotte reached over and held her hand out. It was open on the table, palm up, for Marvin to take. Marvin hesitantly slid his hand into the shorter girl’s. It looked uncomfortable, having one hand still on Cordelia’s cheek while the other was holding Marvin’s across the table. “We don’t care if you … prefer men,” She said softly, “We just care about Trina and Whizzer. We care about you. We want to know. We don’t want to see any of our friends suffer.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin sighed, bringing his other hand to wrap his friend’s one. “I…” He began softly. He felt at such a loss for words. He bit his lips. He trusted the lesbians. He knew they wouldn’t tell anyone, and they knew the importance of not outing someone. But a nervous knot tied into his stomach. He looked up to see the earnest looks on his friend’s faces. Charlotte gave him a nervous little smile. Cordelia, still trying to completely calm herself from her and Marvin’s argument earlier, just looked at her girlfriend and held her head down. Okay, he could tell them. He trusted them. They were his rock. “Yeah,” He said, letting out a sigh, “Yeah. I have been cheating on Trina with Whizzer.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia sucked in her breath sharply. As if he confirmed a fear that she wished wasn’t true. She hung her head a little more, taking Charlotte’s hand off her cheek and cradling it between her own. Charlotte nodded, curtly. “You … you can’t keep doing this to them, Marvin,” She whispered, quiet. “Something bad is going to happen. People are going to get hurt.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Whizzer and I aren’t serious,” Marvin said, moving his hands away from Charlotte and bringing them back to himself. Charlotte moved her other hand back across the table. “We’re not like going out, or anything, it’s casual.” He rubbed his finger over his knuckles. “And, besides, he’s probably also seeing other guys. And he doesn’t even really like me that much.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia looked at him like he was crazy. “What?” She asked, sliding his head forward on her neck. She stared at him incredulously, like he was Chicken Little and he said the sky was falling. Or like he grew another head. “You’re kidding, right, Marvin?” She laughed, but it was a little sarcastic and a little biting. Maybe there was even a tad bit of sympathy behind it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No?” Marvin’s voice went up toward the end. He raised an eyebrow. “Why are you acting like that?” He questioned, “Whizzer has already told me he doesn’t give a damn.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Charlotte and Cordelia let that hang in the air for a moment. Cordelia blinked at him, slowly. “Marvin,” The blond woman frowned his way, “Whizzer really likes you. He ditches other, way more popular people to hang around you. When he sees you in the hallway or when you walk in a room, his whole face lights up. He glows, Marvin.” She slid forward in her chair, just a touch, “Glows!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin laughed, looking away tiredly. “He doesn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He does!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He doesn’t!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He does!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Guys,” Charlotte cut in, frowning at them both. They both looked at her. Marvin felt embarrassed and ashamed at his childishness, and if he had to guess, Cordelia probably did too. “Marvin, I love you, I do.” She reassured him, “But, you guys act like a couple. It wasn’t really that hard for us to figure out. Cordelia was right,” Marvin sucked in air through his teeth, “You two are very physically affectionate. And you’re always waiting for him after D&amp;D. Every week, you wait for Whizzer. Or Whizzer waits for you. But you two always stick around, and you’re alone after the room is empty.” Charlotte sighed, drooping her shoulders a little. She smiled a little at him, though. It looked a little forced. Marvin wonders if she only did it to keep him calm and collected. “Putting however Whizzer feels aside,” She waved her hands away from them, “How do you feel? About Whizzer? About Trina? About … all of it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And Marvin breathed. How could he talk about that? About what his time with Whizzer meant to him? About how he never loved Trina like he should have? About the feelings he has been struggling with since he was fourteen? About the shame he feels when he thinks about kissing and holding and loving men, versus how free he feels when he actually gets to do that with Whizzer? How could he explain that to the girls sitting across from him? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Still, they already knew the big part. They knew the big part, already, and yet... He looked at their faces and the earnest expressions on them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think … I think I love him,” Marvin said, quietly. He hung his head, feeling a large weight off his shoulders. He heard a small gasp from one or maybe both of the women sitting across from him. “I think I need him. He makes me smile and feel smart and he’s so </span>
  <em>
    <span>delightful.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marvin smiled, recalling his lover. The little things that make Whizzer tick. He knew he probably looked dumb, but he also felt dumb. Falling this head-over-heels for a man that didn’t love him. “And he’s spiteful and mean, but I am too and it makes my heart race.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Charlotte looked stunned at Marvin’s sudden confession of love. “Wow, Marvin, that’s,” She was at a loss for words. Her hand tightened around Cordelia’s, “Significant.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia’s demeanor has softened now. She can sometimes be very, very fiery and lively, but she was ultimately a sappy woman. “Aw, Marv,” She cooed. “You’re in love with him! That’s- I’m-!” She stopped for a moment to think of her next words, and when she said them the words were said with sincere love and joy, “I’m so happy for you, Marvin.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m happy for you, too,” Charlotte said, looking nervous, “But, we need to talk about what that means.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin’s butterflies and the joy of his friends' acceptance dissipates rapidly. “Charlotte,” He started, but stopped when she held up her hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not the type to get hung up over small things,” She explained, tiredly, “I’m not the kind of woman to make a mountain out of a molehill. You know that. So, when I say this, it’s a big deal and it is completely out of love.” Charlotte gave him the best smile she could, and Marvin felt his stomach drop to his knees. “You need to do the right thing. You need to break it off with Trina. She’s a nice girl, she doesn’t deserve to be cheated on.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin sighed, running a hand through his unruly curls. “I know,” He said, hastily, “I know! It’s just … Trina is safe. I love her …” At Charlotte and Cordelia’s matching look of skepticism, he continued, “As a friend. I love her as a friend. Listen, I’m just not ready to come out to everyone.” He explained quickly and rubbed his hands together nervously, “Only like… four people know, including you two.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Four?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Four.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“So me, Charlotte, Whizzer, and …”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jason,” Marvin said a bit sheepishly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jason?” Cordelia echoed. Her blue eyes widened so much Marvin was afraid they were going to bug out of her head. “Why did Jason get to know before us?” She put a hand over her heart in mock offense. She shook her head a little. “We’re your local lesbians and Marvin lovers!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t tell him!” He defended himself with a mutter, “Whizzer drove me home once and he kissed me goodbye and Jason saw.” He muttered looking away. </span>
  <span></span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He kissed you goodbye?” Cordelia said with a small smile. “That’s really cute, Marvin!” She gave a little clap, “Aw, I love you two!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Babe, he still needs to break up with Trina.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, right, yeah. Big picture. Love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, too, ‘Delia.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just not ready to come out to people,” Marvin said with a heavy sigh. His shoulders sagged, “I’m … I don’t like girls. But coming out is scary and I don’t want to be judged. And no one thinks you’re gay if you date a sweet girl like Trina.” Which … well, wasn’t true. But it was enough so people who didn’t care wouldn’t dig any further.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Charlotte nodded, a look of sympathy and understanding crossing her face. “You don’t have to come out. No one should be forced to come out before they’re ready, trust us, we know,” She rested her hand on Marvin’s again and hummed, “But Trina deserves someone who can love her. The way you love Whizzer.” Marvin flinched. “If the shoe was on the other foot, you would be miserable. And so is Trina.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Cordelia, now much calmer than earlier in the conversation smiled at Marvin and rested her hand on top of Charlotte’s. Specifically the hand that was on Marvin’s hand. So now Cordelia’s hand was on Charlotte's and Charlotte’s hand was on Marvin’s. “Well support you, Marv. We both know how scary it is to realize that you’re gay. We’re here for you, alright? But you have to do the right thing. I believe in you. We both do,” She motioned quickly between herself and Charlotte with her free hand, “You’re a good guy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin nodded, pulling his hand out from underneath the pile. “Thanks, guys.” He stood, grabbing his things to quickly get out of there. If he didn't he felt like he might hyperventilate or pass out. Marvin rubbed his sweaty hands on his jeans. He looked back at the women. “I love you. See you tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then he went home as quickly as he could. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he went home, he avoided Jason and anything else he could and went straight into his room. When he got there, Marvin instantly collapsed onto his bed. He laid there, face first in the pillows for a few moments before rolling over. His heart beat rapidly and his head felt like and his chest was aching. Marvin’s sexuality was something only he knew before. It was his secret and no one else’s. It had been since he started questioning himself at fourteen, but now everyone was finding out. It seemed like everyone around him knew. And they scolded him. Logically, he knew that they weren’t scolding him for being gay, but rather his action. He knew that, but emotionally it was too much. And that scared him. It scared him a lot, actually. It felt like everything was spiraling out of his control.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He grabbed at his hoodie with shaky hands. He shouldn’t be freaking out about this. They wouldn’t out him, and they aren’t forcing him to come out, but even thinking about it feels like a death sentence. If he is attracted to men, he is less of a man. Despite the statement being untrue, it's something Marvin can’t seem to shake off. Even though he is actually shaking, like a leaf. They stuck, and shook Marvin to his very core.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Distantly, Marvin wonders if he is having a panic attack. Every breath is hell on his chest and he feels like he is dying, so he might be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A door creaked open, slowly, and a small head with shaggy curl’s matching Marvin’s popped into the room. “Hey, do you wanna play Mario Kart?” He asked, before taking in the full state of his brother. Jason rushed into the room after that, slamming the door unconsciously behind him. Marvin winced at the noise and forced himself into a sitting position, even though it was hard on him. “Are you okay?” He asked, sitting at the foot of his bed. Marvin shook his head and Jason nervously bit his lip. “Do you want me to go away?” He asked, fidgeting. Marvin once again shook his head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason nodded, breathing in deeply. “Okay,” He said. The next few minutes were spent with Jason instructing Marvin to breathe with him and giving his older brother small encouragement. It worked, because of course it did. Because Jason is a saint and Marvin adores him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he calmed down enough to where he wasn’t actively panicking, Jason went and grabbed him some water. Marvin took it shakily and downed it. It was nice, getting the cold liquid down his throat. He smiled at his younger brother halfheartedly, “How did you know what to do?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason shrugged and ran his little hands over Marvin’s bedding. “I know some people who have the same problems, so I read up on how to help them.” He looked up at his older brother, his brown eyes searching Marvin’s blue. “Do you wanna talk about it? I’m not, like, Mendel or anything but I can be an okay listener.” He kicked his feet. Marvin heard them thump against his bed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just … scared?” Marvin said, more as a question. “Charlotte and Cordelia found out about Whizzer and I and it feels like everything is out of my control. Like my secrets aren’t mine anymore. Like I’m not a man because of it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason nodded at him. Though he could be immature at times, right now his face was one of sympathy and understanding. It shocked Marvin to see how much more mature he looked. “That must’ve been tough,” He empathized. “But you’re still a man. Even if you like other men, you’ll always be a man. I know it’s scary, but you’ll always be my older brother.” He said, a small smile blooming bashfully over his face. “And, uh, I’m sorry. For when I yelled at you. I didn’t want to upset you. I didn’t want to make you feel like this.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Marvin said quickly, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You’re right. I’ll break things off with Trina soon.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jason nodded at him, “You don’t have to come out when you do that. You could just say that you grew apart… or something.” He shrugged a little. He was trying very hard to keep up a nonchalant air, but Marvin could see him fidget just a little bit. “And if you do wanna come out… I’ll still be here for you, you know?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Marvin stared at him, a watery smile coming to his face. He enveloped his small, lanky, spindly brother in a hug and just held him for a long while.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. this had better come to a stop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They’re all on the floor of Whizzer’s living room. Marvin is sitting in between the lesbians, feeling a bit like a third wheel. Trina is sitting beside Charlotte, glancing over at Marvin with a hopeful little smile on her face. Whizzer is sitting on the other side of Cordelia, with Jason sitting right beside him. The young boy was practically clinging to him. A bit further away than normal sat Mendel, with his typical dungeon master screen set up meticulously. The overall mood was light, happy, and jovial. So why was Marvin so upset?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>without spoiling anything in this chapter - ive been waiting for this one (and the next one) for a while!! i hope u guys enjoy it!!!</p><p>black lives still matter!! please remember to sign petitions and do whatever you can!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Whizzer’s house was normally somewhere Marvin took refuge. It was once a safe spot for only he and Whizzer. There were little traces and memories everywhere. Memories of Whizzer holding him, kissing him, swaying him. So why does he feel so miserable here, now? He’s surrounded by people he loves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re all on the floor of Whizzer’s living room. Marvin is sitting in between the lesbians, feeling a bit like a third wheel. Trina is sitting beside Charlotte, glancing over at Marvin with a hopeful little smile on her face. Whizzer is sitting on the other side of Cordelia, with Jason sitting right beside him. The young boy was practically clinging to him. A bit further away than normal sat Mendel, with his typical dungeon master screen set up meticulously. The overall mood was light, happy, and jovial. So why was Marvin so upset?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer smiled at him, and Marvin simultaneously felt nauseous and got butterflies. He stared at him, blue eyes focused entirely on the brown ones in front of him. Whizzer cocked his head to the side, and that smile grew into a smirk. Unconsciously, the curly haired man licked his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Marvin!” Cordelia said, a bit too loudly, “How has your day been?” She slapped his arm in what meant to be a joking way, but it was a bit too harsh and it stung. Marvin cussed under his breath and rubbed where she hit. She winced and rubbed it with Marvin. Marvin raises his eyebrows at her, but says nothing to his bubbly friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” He raised an eyebrow at her, “Okay, I guess?” He said with a shrug. He looked away from Whizzer, down at his character sheet. He can get through this session. It’ll be fine. He just wants to get through this session and go home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whizzer,” Jason whined, bringing his knees to his chin. The man in question turned to Jason and smiled, friendly and bright. “Are you sure I can’t come to the party later? I’m mature!” Oh, shit. The party. Marvin had completely forgotten about it. He put his head in his hands and rubbed his face. Charlotte pat his knee sympathetically. He raised his head and smiled at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer laughed and rubbed Jason’s back gently. “Sorry bud,” He said with a small smile, “But you can’t! It would be irresponsible of us to let you go.” Whizzer elbowed him a little. A smile bloomed on Jason’s cheeks, “Although, I’m sure you’d be the life of the party.” Jason laughed a little and played with the ends of his jeans, looking very bashful for his normal self.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey, buddy!” Mendel said, peering at the young boy from behind his DM screen. “I made you an NPC if you want to play it!” He looked so proud of himself, standing up and giving Jason the character sheet. Jason took it and read it over real quick. “You don’t have to play it, obviously, but I thought it would be fun!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re making me play a himbo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin sputtered. Whizzer laughed. Trina gasped. Cordelia cackled. Charlotte shook her head. Mendel blinked owlishly and his face filled with color. “Uh, that character was based after me,” He muttered. It sent the entire group, minus Marvin, into hysterics. Usually something like that would make Marvin laugh, if only for the reason that Mendel was being made a fool out of. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his friend, but he also liked to pick on him. But right now … nothing made him feel happy. Marvin felt like the physical personification of gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe. He huffed a little and rolled his eyes at his friends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Charlotte swayed unsteadily next to him as she laughed. Marvin was half afraid she would tumble right into his lap. Cordelia gripped onto him so hard her knuckles turned white. Whizzer sent him a big smile before he realized Marvin wasn’t laughing. The smile dripped off his face and a questioning look filled his lovely brown eyes. He cocked his head to the side, and his fingers twitched from his lap. Marvin averted his gaze.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The game was normal, for the most part. Everyone played their roles perfectly. Charlotte as Root, a brave hero and savior. Cordelia as Clatter, a quirky but devout bird. Trina as Perkin, a headstrong person who shied away in battle. Whizzer as Ike, a fool head-over-heels for a heartbreaker. Jason’s character, though only going to be there for one session, was a good addition to the team. Mendel played everyone else flawlessly. For as scatterbrained as he was, Mendel really did make a good dungeon master and provided all his friends with a thrilling and immersive game. But every time Marvin talked, did something, said anything, he felt stilted and awkward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It made him angry. It made him feel so, so dumb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Trina nodded, using her character voice for Perkin, “So we know what everyone else is going to do. What about you, Will?” Marvin’s sweet girlfriend asked him, batting her eyelashes. She would no doubt be trying to initiate some sort of physical contact if it weren’t for Marvin’s saving grace, the lesbians.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin shrugged, noncommittal. “I don’t know,” He said, blowing a curl off his forehead, “I guess I’ll just do whatever you guys do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer hummed and sat up a little. His lips pressed in a thin line, as he reached out and graced his fingers very gently across Marvin’s knee. It was fleeting and faint, and Marvin craved the contact. He had seen Whizzer the past week, spent plenty of time with him. But yet he still craved any attention from the taller man, especially physical attention. “You doing okay, Marv?” He asked, voice soft and caring. Marvin wondered how real it was. He wondered if those words were sweet like fresh honey fresh from the hive or if they actually had the taste of bitter almonds, akin to cyanide.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You care now?” Marvin laughed, sardonic and joyless. He shifted backwards, just out of Whizzer’s reach. The tall brunette’s fingers that could comfortably brush against his knee before were now too far away to do so without seeming odd, without having to shift after and follow him. Marvin mourned their loss, but didn’t make a move to shift back forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Cordelia whipped around to face him. Shock colored her usually bubbly expression. “Marvin,” She hissed between her teeth, “What the hell?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin looked away from her, and Whizzer who was sitting at her side, and over at Mendel. “What?” He questioned with a biting tone, “It just seems weird that now he decided to care about things? He doesn’t really do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin, that’s really mean.” Trina said. Marvin could hear the fabric of her long skirt, or flowy pants, or cardigan, or whatever she was wearing - Marvin didn’t really pay any attention to her - bunch as she gripped onto it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin puffed out his chest and huffed. “I’m not wrong.” He argued, rolling his eyes at his friends that were suddenly outraged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whizzer was trying to ask you if you were okay,” Jason said, anger coloring his tone. “Why are you being such a baby?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin looked at his brother and was about to say something back to him when he saw Whizzer’s face. His face was pinched and his lips were pressed thin and turned downwards. “I care,” He said. His voice was cold and callous and just a little hurt, “I care about </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Marvin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is this coming from?” Charlotte asked, putting a hand on Marvin’s shoulder. “Why are you acting like this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin didn’t respond, but instead chose to huff and cross his arms. Mendel jumped up from his spot behind the DM screen-thing and smiled at Whizzer. “I’m gonna grab something to drink from the kitchen! I’ll be right back!” He started on his way there, but lingered, “Oh, hey, Marvin, buddy! You should join me! In case I need two hands, ‘ya know?” He smiled, cheery and cheesy. Marvin stood and followed after him. It struck him, how different they looked at that moment. Mendel, with a bright smile and perfect posture, radiating positivity. Marvin, hunched over like he were in Notre Dame and brooding and sad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel got in the kitchen and quietly closed the door. He looked at Marvin, his face twisted in concern and just a little anger. “What is going on with you?” He asked and shouldered past him on his way to Whizzer’s fridge. “And before you say nothing,  know that it isn’t nothing. Maybe if it ended on Wednesday when I first asked, I wouldn’t have said anything but you’ve been like this for a week!” Mendel looked back at Marvin, frowning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s none of your business, Mendel.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re friends, Marvin!” Mendel cried out. Marvin stepped forward quickly and put a finger to his lips. He whisper-yelled a shushing noise. If Mendel wanted to talk in private, he should at least learn to use his inside voice, right? He was just being inconsiderate otherwise. Mendel swatted his hands away from his face and sighed. “It’s my business because I care about you. And the others!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not my therapist or psychiatrist or anything you wanna do.” The taller of the two waved his hand dismissively. Mendel’s shoulders tensed. He jerked the fridge in front of him open suddenly. The air between them had turned cold, and it wasn’t because of the cold draft from the refrigerator.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel pressed his lips together, tight. He grabbed a can of soda and slammed the door shut. “You know, you’re an asshole,” He said, shocking Marvin. He expected that from others, but from Mendel and his unending optimism and annoying habit of seeing only the good in others this was quite the uncharacteristic move, “You’ve been a giant asshole to everyone lately. Not just me, who did nothing to you, but especially to Whizzer and, oh,” He sighed, shook his head, and looked very melancholy, “Trina. Poor, lovely, warm Trina. She deserves so much better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk about her that way,” Marvin snapped. He furrowed his eyebrows at his friend. Who did Mendel think he was? That was Marvin’s girlfriend. It didn’t matter that Mendel was head over heels for her. It didn’t matter that Marvin wasn’t attracted to girls. It didn’t matter that Marvin was cheating on her with Whizzer. It didn’t matter that just the day before Marvin promised Jason he would break up with her soon. That was still </span>
  <em>
    <span>his girlfriend.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He didn’t have the right to talk about her that way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mendel’s eyes widened for a moment. He wrung his hands together anxiously and looked away. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cross a line-” He cut himself off and held himself completely still. It didn’t even look like he was breathing, he was so still. “Actually, Marvin, I’m not sorry. Trina deserves someone better. Your behavior is embarrassing. I love you, really, I do, but I am ashamed of how you’ve been acting and treating Trina. You act like you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>untrained</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Mendel cracked open his soda, loudly, and took a long sip.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell?” Marvin asked, voice growing louder. “Seriously, what the fuck?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This has got to come to a stop, Marvin-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,</span>
  <em>
    <span> this</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Marvin said, motioning at the entire area around them, “Everyone ganging up on me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> had better come to a stop. I haven’t done anything wrong, Mendel!” He stormed around the shorter male in a circle once, twice, “I don’t know why everyone has suddenly decided to fuck over and get mad at Marvin, but it’s really not appreciated.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re being a jerk-!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re always a jerk.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is what I’m talking about, Marvin!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not talking about anything.” The man with shaggy hair said, shoulders shaking with rage. He pushed a finger against Mendel’s chest, staring right into his big brown eyes when he said his next words. “This conversation is over. We won’t talk about it again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he left the kitchen, fuming. Trina saw him walking out and sat up a little straighter. “Marvin?” She said as he sat down. “How was the kitchen?” She asked with a nervous smile on her face. Trina’s hands smoothed over her new jeans several times. Marvin doesn’t know why she does that, why she grips and smooths her clothes so often. It is annoying and he wishes she would stop. He should break up with her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Marvin voiced, but his voice was too cold and too angry to come off as convincing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um,” Trina craned her neck around to the kitchen, “Is Mendel coming out soon?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin laughed, a humorless and livid noise. “I don’t know. Why? Do you prefer Mendel to me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shock colored everyone’s faces. Marvin pressed his lips into a thin line. “Marvin,” Trina said quietly. She looked like she wanted to say more, but she just shook her head and then hung it sadly. Whizzer hesitantly scooted forward and grabbed her hand. That made Marvin’s blood boil. Whizzer didn’t like Trina. At all. But he would take her side over his? After everything that they’ve done and been through together? After everything he put her through.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what’s been going on with you, Marvin, but you can’t keep acting like others are responsible for your problems.” Whizzer said, not even sparing a glance toward his lover. He just kept his eyes trained on his and Trina’s hands while his thumb stroked little circles into her skin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know? How could you not know? How could you even say that?” The blue eyed man rolled his shoulders back, recoiling from words he heard. “After everything-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The door to the kitchen opened very abruptly and noisily. It caught everyone's attention. Jason stopped glaring daggers at his brother, Cordelia stopped making a horrified face at Marvin. Charlotte stopped trying to comfort Trina. Trina’s head snapped up and she pulled her hands away from Whizzer and up to her chest. Whizzer looked up and snatched his hands away from Trina, slowly scooting back to his spot next to Cordelia. A bright faced, energetic Mendel bounded out of the room, smoothing out his odd-fashioned sweater. “I’m back guys!” He said in a sing-song voice and stretched out his arms, “And I’m ready to get back into some dungeon and dragons! So let’s get back to the game, yeah?” To anyone looking close enough, they could tell he was on edge, frazzled and frustrated. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Marvin didn’t look closely. Because he was self-absorbed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you’ll take Jason home and then meet us there?” Trina asked as they all departed from the house. The other five were all taking the same car to the party and she had been appointed designated driver. Marvin was going to drive himself to the party because he needed to drop off his brother and make sure he was alright for the night. Jason was still a little upset he couldn’t go to a high school party, but no one would allow that to happen. Ideally, after Marvin found that his time to go home was nigh, he would drive himself, but the ever-generous Trina offered to drive him if he needed it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin nodded, herding Jason off toward his car, “Yep. I’ll see you guys there.” Trina stepped forward to kiss him, but Marvin stumbled backwards before her lips could make contact anywhere on him. He saw Whizzer, Charlotte, and Cordelia look away and Mendel’s jaw tighten just a little bit. Marvin ignored it, instead opting to hug his girlfriend for a brief second, before waving at the others and getting in the car to get home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason was quiet. He wasn’t a super talkative kid in the first place. No, he was often reserved and in his own little world, but this was … abnormal. Marvin glanced over at him the best he could with his eyes on the road. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a deep breath inward, Marvin asked, “You doing alright, kid? You’ve been really quiet.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is what I meant.” Jason said, refusing to answer his brother’s question. “That day you went on a date with Trina. This is what I meant.” He turned his whole tiny body away from him, instead opting to look out the window as a blur of lights from New York City at night flew past them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin took a deep breath in. It really was just a day to drag him down, huh? More than a day, really. Everyone was jumping Marvin’s shit recently and it was terrible. These personal attacks on him have been a very frequent onslaught for a while now, and Marvin was very tired of it. “What?” He asked, hesitant and careful to control his temper in front of his brother. “What are you talking about?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jason’s tiny fists curled into balls in his lap. “You remember when I said you were going to push everyone away? I said that you would end up hurting everyone around you.” His shoulders slumped and he seemed so dejected for someone so young. It made him seem even smaller than usual. “And you have, Marvin. You’ve hurt everyone. We’re not trying to hurt you, or attack you, we love you and care about you,” He said, and then made a faint ‘yuck’ noise because he is twelve years old and admitting your feelings isn’t cool, “You’re pushing everyone away and then get mad that we’re at arms length.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That couldn’t possibly be true. Marvin wasn’t really doing that, was he? He didn’t think that what he was doing was so wrong. He wanted it all, and he was getting it. He wasn’t being cruel or brash or abrasive, right? Yeah. Jason just didn’t get it. He was still a kid, after all. Marvin couldn’t be in the wrong. He just couldn’t be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they got home, Jason wordlessly slipped out of the car. He walked around to the driver side. “You’ll behave tonight, right?” He asked, quiet. Marvin nodded to his little brother. Marvin had … perfectly fine behavior. Despite what Mendel said earlier, which is still nagging at Marvin but he stubbornly is ignoring. Jason sighed a sigh much too long and heavy for a child and went inside their home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin drove to the party in silence. Usually when he drove alone he would play music, sing along to songs he liked, bob his head and enjoy himself. This time, though, he just sat in silence. He listened to the wind blowing insistently in his ears and breathed evenly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin really, really wanted to see Whizzer. He wanted to hold him and kiss him, to make the stressors of today go away. Even if Whizzer would want to pick a fight and push his buttons, being around him would be worth it. Hearing Whizzer’s voice in his ears, feeling the other’s arms around him … that would make Marvin feel better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he got to the address the party was taking place at, Marvin had the sole intention of just seeing and spending time with his lover. Which proved to be more challenging than he first anticipated. He would walk in a room and search through it for Whizzer before frustratingly moving on to the next one. While he wasn’t able to find Whizzer, he was able to find a sober Trina and a surprisingly sober Mendel chatting amicably in the kitchen area.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” He said to them, blowing out a long stream of air toward his forehead. It ended up tousling a curl off of his face. A smile bloomed on Trina’s face, and Mendel acted like he wasn’t distracted by it. Trina set down a glass of </span>
  <em>
    <span>probably</span>
  </em>
  <span> water and wrapped her arms around him. Marvin patted her back awkwardly. He pulled away and held her at arm's length. “Have you seen Whizzer?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina’s happy smile faltered. “Are you going to start a fight?” She asked, pulling herself completely from Marvin’s grip. She looked over to Mendel who shook his head and stood next to her. “Please tell me you aren’t going to start a fight here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to start a fight. I just want to hang out with him.” Marvin defended, walking past them and back into the living room that he had searched three times now. He could hear Trina and Mendel’s footsteps behind him. Which annoyed Marvin, he wasn’t a child. He didn’t have to be supervised like a child. He scanned the room, and there he found him, in a dark corner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kissing another man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Marvin knew- well, he expected. He thought. This was something that could have happened. Whizzer not being exclusive. They never agreed to be and he had no reason to be. Hell, Marvin himself wasn’t. But it made jealousy and shame bubble in his chest. His eyes stung and his feet became rooted to the ground for a moment. Whizzer, his friend, his lover was kissing another man and it killed Marvin. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before Marvin could even really realize what he was doing, his feet were on their way to Whizzer. He heard a soft ‘Marvin, no’ from behind him but didn’t actually care enough to stop and listen to them or even distinguish between the two of them. His pace picked up until he was standing right in front of his lover. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck, Whizzer?” He hissed out. He felt so betrayed. He shouldn’t. But he does. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer pulled away from whoever it was he had in his arms at this moment. The certainly-not-Marvin. He glanced at the shorter man and smiled, purposely barbed and cruel. “Hey Marv,” He drawled out. Slowly, achingly slow, he completely drew himself away from the other person and cocked his pretty head. “What’s up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A word?” Marvin seethed. He grabbed Whizzer’s wrist gently and pulled him through the house dragging him outside to the front lawn. He let him go and ran his hands through his unruly curly brown hair three times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer crossed his arms over his chest. “What, Marvin?” He asked, leaning toward him, “What do you want? I was having a good time in there.” He scoffed, glaring at the shorter man like he was chopped liver. Marvin took a large inhale, narrowed his eyes, shook his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck was that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was kissing someone. I don’t see the problem-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do!” Marvin cried out. “Does this mean nothing to you Whizzer?” He motioned between them frantically. “Do we mean nothing to you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer’s lips pushed together, tight. His shoulders drew upwards a little. His body language read as distinctly uncomfortable. “We’re not serious, Marvin. It’s not my fault that you made a mountain out of a molehill.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This doesn’t mean nothing to me, Whizzer!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer’s breath hitched in his throat. He stared, gaped with his lips slightly parted. “That’s-” He cut himself off and took a big, shuddering breath, “That’s not my problem. It’s not my responsibility, Marvin. You want me to be something I’m not.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do! You want me to be your perfect boyfriend. That’s so, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> unfair, Marvin! You can’t have a perfect life with me on the side. You can’t!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want that!” Whizzer said loudly. He turned away from him, toward the street.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin laughed, humorless, “This has gotta come to a stop, Whizzer. I can’t do this if you don’t care about me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer balled his fists. He shook his head. “Marvin, I like being with you. I do. I …” He took a breath, and it shuddered in his chest and he suddenly looked a little scared. “I care. I care a lot about you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Love me,” Marvin burst out. Shock colored Whizzer’s beautiful features. The taller’s posture became as straight as a rod and he took a step toward Marvin. Marvin took two steps backwards. “Love me, please. Or break my heart.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Marvin?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh shit.</span>
  </em>
  <span> In Marvin’s anger and haste he had completely forgotten about his audience. He and Whizzer turned slowly to face a pale faced Trina being held at the shoulders by a shocked Mendel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin felt the world fall away from beneath his feet. There was no going back from the mess he made, now.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so yeah !!! we've officially gotten to the climax of the story!! theres not much left now!! im very nervous by very excited! thanks for sticking with my labor of love</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. the sugar, please</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>in which i reference in trousers more than i might like to admit.</p><p>this is the chapter that ive been most excited to write !!! but it does mean that this is ending soon so thats really strange to me !!</p><p>reminder that the blm movement is still going on !! take some time to sign petitions !! breonna taylor's murderers still haven't been arrested.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The rest of the party was abhorrent. There wasn’t really a </span>
  <em>
    <span>rest of the party</span>
  </em>
  <span> to begin with, but for the few minutes that Marvin was still there after Trina and Mendel found out were hell. There was no pretending like what happened </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> happen. There was no way to re-contextualize it. His life was crashing around him while others were standing around, frozen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll talk about this later,” Trina had said at the time. She curled up next to Mendel. Her body was shaking so hard it was visible from where Marvin was standing. In the dark. Several feet away. “We’ll talk about this later and decide what this means for us.” She turned on her heel, getting ready to go back to the loud party. “I’m going to get Charlotte and Cordelia, and then I’m going to go home. Whizzer,” She looked over her shoulder at him, her breath caught in her throat. Her expression crumbled and any sense of bravery shattered at the broken noise she made but quickly tried to cover, “Whizzer, if you want a ride home I can take you. Just please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t go with Marvin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the time, Marvin wanted to argue. He wanted to say that it was important and they should hash it out right there, but everything about her made him stop. He watched her walk back into the house, stiff and sad. Mendel in that moment stood there and shook his head. He didn’t say a word; he didn’t judge him or comfort him or anything. He just walked after Trina after making it very known that he couldn’t believe Marvin’s actions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin,” Whizzer whispered, he had extended his hand to reach out to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin took four steps backwards. He made sure to keep himself out of Whizzer’s reach. “Don’t,” He said, walking backwards toward his car, “Just. Don’t. I can’t do this anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Marvin,” Whizzer said, a bit more frantically. He stepped forward, but Marvin just turned on his heel and walked away. “Marvin!” There was a pause, then a strained, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Fine!</span>
  </em>
  <span> I really don’t need you! I’ll be better off without you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin believed him. And Marvin didn’t look back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That moment had been on repeat in Marvin’s mind since it had happened. It was Monday morning now, just a little past midnight. Every group chat, every direct message, everyone and everything had been radio silent since it happened. Marvin didn’t know what all Charlotte and Cordelia knew of what happened, but at the moment, he couldn’t find himself to care. If they knew, well, it was all the same to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And the worst part? Oh, the worst part. Marvin didn’t feel awful. He didn’t feel awful, or even that guilty over what he did to Trina. Despite the fact that he took her heart and fractured it across the lawn of a person he’ll never meet, he didn’t feel awful. Perhaps he felt somewhat unlawful, but mostly… Mostly he just felt relieved. He didn’t have to pretend and play and act like something he wasn’t around people he cared about. He never knew being out would feel so … freeing. He was just out to the important ones, he still isn’t ready to broadcast it to everyone he might come across. But, still, maybe this could be a new chapter for Marvin. A chapter where he becomes kinder, nicer, better-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His phone buzzed on his nightstand. He grabbed at it and hissed as bright light filled his retinas. His stomach dropped when he saw who the message was from. It didn’t make sense to him. After what happened on Saturday, why would they reach out?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Trina - direct messages</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Trina:</b>
  <span> hey. i’m ready to talk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Trina:</b>
  <span> meet me at the diner where our last date was in 30 minutes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> trin, its like 12:30 in the morning</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Trina:</b>
  <span> you’re up, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MARV:</b>
  <span> and you want to talk to me?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Trina:</b>
  <span> im still upset but i think we need to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, well, damn. She had a point. Marvin frequently had trouble sleeping. Everyone that knew Marvin knew that. Because he enjoyed making his problems everyone’s problems. He didn’t think it was selfish, he just liked others being able to relate to them. Or he liked actually having his problems acknowledged by someone, not like his parents ever would.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Marvin could mope about his parents all day, and he suddenly has somewhere to be. He dragged himself out of the (slightly too large) bed. He pulled on his trusty red hood and threw on some decent-for-Marvin-standard khaki pants. He could practically hear Whizzer laugh at his outfit choices. But he shouldn’t be thinking about Whizzer. He hadn’t seen him since Saturday. He had just stopped thinking about how he broke things off with Whizzer, he didn’t need to be thinking about it again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yet, as he drove he found himself putting on a playlist of terrible indie love songs that reminded him of his lover. He listened to the music and found himself wishing that he went backwards in time. To the day Whizzer had first kissed him. But time as humans know it moves linearly, and Marvin would have those memories with no tangible way to ever go back and re-experience them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he got to the diner, Trina was waiting for him. She had her hair up and was wearing a nightgown with a black jacket over it. It was New York City at half past midnight, Marvin supposed no one would look at her funny despite her attire.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slid in the booth across from her. Her normal unsweetened ice tea had been traded in for a hot tea. She hadn’t started drinking it, she just held it cupped around her hands for warmth. “Ordered you a black coffee,” She said, certainly more curt than normal. Marvin nodded at her and they sat in silence for a few, tense moments. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, I haven’t heard from you since the party. How have you bee-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I had a dream last night,” She cut Marvin off, letting go of her cup of tea and looking at him in his eyes. Her big brown eyes looked exhausted. Trina seemed so … dejected and just a little hollow. And very tired. She seemed exhausted, like she had barely slept at all since the party. She ran a finger over the rim of her cup, “I dreamt we ran away together. Isn’t that a nice dream?” Trina gave a pathetic, small, half smile. Her eyes searched his for a sign that he would want that. “We could. We could run away. We could take your car and leave this town forever.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Trina…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In that dream … you held me, Marvin. You held me like you loved me,” Her voice cracked as she hung her head, “Please … please hold me like that. You can hold Whizzer, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>whoever else,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but please hold </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> too.” Her voice became hoarse and thick as she burst into tears spontaneously. If Marvin didn’t know Trina, he would say it was a calculated move, something done intentionally to hurt him. But this … This was just Trina genuinely </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurting</span>
  </em>
  <span> and </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marvin swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to ignore the guilt and pain at causing her to feel this way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The waiter dropped off Marvin’s black coffee. Marvin nodded at them and gave them a small smile and a nod. They nodded back at Marvin and quickly left. It was probably awkward to see a teenager crying quietly into a cup of black tea while the other watched, clearly feeling ashamed. If Marvin was waiting their table, he would have left quickly, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The sugar, please,” Marvin said after a moment. Trina looked shocked. Probably because she had just poured her heart out to him and that was all he had to say. She slid the fake sugar packets Marvin hated toward him. He opened two and dumped them into his coffee, stirring them in a bit before taking a sip. There was a tense silence after Marvin set it back down.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that it?” Trina waited. She waited for Marvin to say something, or maybe a sign from God, or maybe for someone to save her from this embarrassment. Marvin really didn’t know what she was waiting for. He could speculate all day, but in the end he didn’t find it in himself to care about what she was actually waiting for. “After the years we’ve put into this relationship? Everything we’ve done to make this work, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s it?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin took a long drink of his coffee. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Jesus,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Trina. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll come through. You’re strong and resilient and loveable. You’ll find someone else.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I won’t. I can’t. Marvin, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please,” He begged, quietly, “Drink your tea before it’s cold.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t be serious, Marvin-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can’t act like you’re dying, Trina,” He interrupted her. She furrowed her eyebrows and slid forward in her seat. “Please, Trina, please say-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please stay, Marvin!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That breaking up would be better for the both of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That this is much better for the both of us.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina spread her fingers out over the table. She hung her head and her shoulders shook as she cried. She begged him, quietly and brokenly, “Pass the sugar, please.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He slid the sugar packets over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, her brown hair swaying around her. “I just don’t understand. Why?” She put her head in her hands. Despite asking for it, she ignored the sugar that was slid her way. Trina sighed, long and loud. “Am I not good enough? Am I not pretty enough? Was I not devoted enough? I know you made comments about Mendel and I before but it’s never-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin reached out and set a hand on her shoulder. “No, Trina. It’s not that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is it, Marvin? I’m begging you to please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> not do this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m queer, Trina.” Marvin said, taking his hand away from her shoulder. He resisted the urge to curl up on himself. It’s the first time he had ever used any sort of label to describe himself. It didn’t feel so daunting, so scary, now. It still did, a little bit, but it also felt … good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re queer?” She echoed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re gay?” She said with a questioning lilt to her voice. As the silence stewed between them, her facial expression changed as she realized exactly what that meant, “You’re gay.” She said with more finality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin sipped his coffee. Trina finally dumped in some sugar packets and drank her tea. The silence between the two was heavy with the knowledge that their lives couldn’t go back to normal after this. Well, Marvin didn’t want them to. He couldn’t go back to being the sad boyfriend, and Trina did deserve better than the neglected girlfriend role. This would be better for them both. It hurt to know that, but it was the undeniable, painful truth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you ever love me?” She asked after what felt like days and seconds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I tried,” Marvin admitted, “And I wanted to. Honestly, I did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina took a sip from her tea. “And Whizzer?” She questioned. She let out a big breath, her shoulders slumping. “I heard you … begging him to love you. Do you love him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Trina nodded. Once again they were plunged into a deep silence. It felt like a period on a sentence that had been written for days now. Or maybe even years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stood abruptly, smoothing out her light red nightgown. She looked so much prettier now that she wasn’t chained to Marvin. Suddenly, she was just his friend again, someone he admired and could love </span>
  <em>
    <span>platonically</span>
  </em>
  <span> again. She smiles at Marvin, and despite her sadness, to him she glows. She kisses his cheek. “I’ll just have to let the cards fall where they may. I’m still sad you cheated on me, but I can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>make you straight.</span>
  </em>
  <span> We’ve both committed no crime.” She rubbed his shoulder sympathetically, “Me, loving you was not a crime. You being gay isn’t a crime. So no hard feelings, Marvin. No hard feelings,” She removed herself from him and pulled her purse onto her shoulder. “But … you can get the check, right? I mean … you do owe me </span>
  <em>
    <span>at least</span>
  </em>
  <span> that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin laughed, throwing his head back. It was nice to joke with her again. He missed it.“Yeah, yeah, I’ll pay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, it would take a while, but maybe his friendship with Trina wasn’t dead in the water. Marvin would need to work hard on his relationship with her, and kind of everyone, but it wasn’t totally hopeless. Not only did he need to work on his relationships, but he needed to work on himself. It dawned on Marvin as he watched Trina get in her car and wave at him that he doesn’t know how to treat the people he loves correctly. He loves them, yes, but he doesn’t know how to express things in a healthy way. But Marvin wasn’t just going to lose everyone he cares about because he had been selfish. He was going to put in the work and repair things, make them better. It was going to take some elbow grease, but it was something Marvin needed to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took almost a month, but almost everyone was ready to get back to playing D&amp;D together. Finally, getting back to dungeons and dragons. Well, keyword being almost. Everyone but Whizzer had been ready to go back. Their Discord server still sat abandoned, but Mendel had gone up to everyone in person and asked them if they were still willing to play. Except Whizzer. Whizzer had been avoiding everyone in their friend group.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That made Marvin really sad. Everyone but Marvin himself (and Jason, but he didn’t really count. No one really knows where Jason stands with Whizzer.) had tried to reach out to Whizzer. Even Trina. He wanted Whizzer to be back to playing with them, badly actually. Marvin wanted to apologize to him. But he doesn’t think - Marvin doesn’t deserve-. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jumping back into a relationship with Whizzer isn’t something Marvin is looking to do right now. Not because he doesn't love the taller man, he does. If he didn’t love Whizzer, he doesn’t think he could love anything. Whizzer taught him what love felt like. But he doesn’t want to jump into something and be selfish and hurt him. Marvin is sure he has hurt Whizzer. He doesn’t know what to do to make it better, other than try to be a better person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin stood at his locker, wondering when the day he would see all of his friends sitting around in their cramped little club room again would be. It wasn’t today, but maybe soon. Maybe next week if they roped Whizzer back in. But hopefully soon. D&amp;D is what bonded everyone in the room together in the first place, and Marvin doesn’t know how he would feel if they never played it together again. He put a calculus textbook away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” A suave voice came from his side. Marvin didn’t have to look to know who it was from. He grabbed onto his bag a little tighter and took a deep breath. The footsteps stopped about a feet from him. “I have some things to say. So, please don’t be an asshole and talk over me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin turned to him and his breath caught in his throat. He didn’t know why he thought Whizzer would be different. It had only been a month. He looked normal. He looked like Whizzer Brown, but to Marvin in that moment that was the best thing in the world. “Whizzer,” He said, swallowing a lump in his throat, “I’ll listen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Will you? I don’t think you will. You’ve got a temper that redefines temper.” Whizzer said, motioning around with his hands and trying to seem more nonchalant than he was coming off. Marvin’s heart ached painfully in his chest. After a few beats of silence where Marvin didn’t say anything, Whizzer groaned a little. “Well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin laughed a little, scratching the back of his neck. “What do you want me to say to that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The taller man in front of him stilled. He bit his lip for a moment and looked away, scuffing his nice shoes along the floor of the school. Marvin wondered if he was doing it unconsciously. The confident Whizzer he knew would never purposefully scuff his shoes. “Nothing I guess,” Whizzer replied honestly, “Or maybe anything. I don’t know. I never know when it comes to you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Listen, Marvin. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said at the party. And I wanted to say that … I do,” He looked around at the empty hallways. “I do, uh, love you.” And Marvin’s heart sped up and his stomach dropped to his feet because </span>
  <em>
    <span>he had already made up his mind.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He can’t put Whizzer through a relationship with him, not like this. “I don’t even know where to start to not love you. I saw you around in performances my friends were in, where you were the lead. I thought you were cute, maybe interesting. If you were gay, I thought maybe you and I could be casual. But then,” His shook his head. For the first time in the conversation, his eyes met Marvin’s. His warm brown eyes. Marvin could drown in them if he let himself. But he can’t. “But then you invited me to your games. I met your friends. You actually let me into your world and I liked it, I liked what I saw. I liked you.” He sighed, a soft smile gracing his lips as he took a step forward. Marvin stayed put. “You were different. You’ve always been. Stay with me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin knew what he had to say. He felt like an asshole for having to, but he knew he did. Marvin knew he had to break Whizzer’s heart. “Whizzer…” He trailed off. He needed to find the right words. He needed to explain himself. He let out a big breath of air. “I’m sorry-” He cut himself off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because immediately Whizzer’s demeanor changed. What read as hopeful and shy earlier went to shocked and dismayed and closed off. It took the air out of Marvin’s lungs again, too see the change and disappointment. “Why did you ask me if I loved you?” The taller man asked, balling his fist at his side, “So you could mock me and tell me you didn’t love me back?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, let me explain-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sick of explaining.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, Whizzer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why did I think this was a good idea?” He asked himself, ignoring Marvin now. He wrapped his arms around himself and shook his head, “I’m such an idiot. How could I fall in love with someone like you? I’ve been waiting for this, for love and it’s like this.” He motioned to everything around them, his tone increasingly frustrated, “How could I let this happen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer stopped. He let out a small broken noise. “I don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t be with you, Whizzer-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now I </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-Because I love you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer frowned. His eyebrows furrowed. “That doesn’t make any sense, Marvin. You’re just saying that to make me feel better for falling into your traps. Your charms.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin grabbed his hand, rubbed circles into his skin, and did his best to explain himself, “I … I’ve been real rotten, Whizzer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tell me about it,” Whizzer hissed and pulled his hands away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve hurt everyone I care about.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, yeah, you have. You’ve been really selfish. Mean, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to put everyone through hell for my benefit. It’s not right to anyone.” He looked at the taller man and tried to swallow a lump in his throat, “I love you, Whizzer, but I can’t love you the right way right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer stayed silent. He slowly crossed his arms over his chest. “When?” He asked, voice frustrated and sad, “When will you be able to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin shrugged, “Not sure.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a heaviness between them. Whizzer sighed and straightened his posture to be perfect. He plastered a smile on his face that looked as sweet as sugar. Marvin knew it was fake. “Well, it was nice to know you, Marvin. Maybe when you’re ready you can give me a call.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Marvin said, reaching out and resting a hand on his arm, “What are you implying? That … that sounds like a goodbye, Whizzer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer nodded, “It is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin reeled backwards. He gripped the other’s sleeve like if he didn’t his former lover would disappear in front of his eye. “What?” He asked, baffled. Why was Whizzer trying to say goodbye? No, that didn’t make anysense. “We can still be friends! We could still play D&amp;D together. We can still be around each other; you don’t have to just disappear from our lives!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I really do. I can’t do this Marvin.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, Whizzer, you mean so-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t get to pick and choose how you have someone in your life,” Whizzer snapped at him, moving his arm away. “If you’re really trying to work on yourself, then this should be step one.” He took a couple of steps back, away from Marvin. Out of arm's reach. “You can’t just put me on a shelf and come back to me later. That isn’t how life works. You can spout as many platitudes about love and change as you want, but you’re trying to put me in nearly the </span>
  <em>
    <span>exact same</span>
  </em>
  <span> situation.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The others will miss you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whizzer shrugged, the look in his eyes softening, “They’ll get over it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marvin shoved his hands in his pockets. “So then what?” He asked, trying to put on his bravest face. “We walk away? We never talk again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Whizzer said candidly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They stood there for a moment, neither one wanting to be the one to walk away first. To call it quits. There are things Marvin wanted to say, but he couldn’t find the words to get them out in the open. He had a sinking feeling he might never get to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Whizzer spoke after around three minutes of lingering. “This is goodbye, then. I might see you around,” He shrugged, gave a small sniffle and turned away quickly. “I love you.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. it’s about time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“Okay,” Mendel said with a grin, “I want to try and steal the knight’s sword.”</p><p>“Out of his hand?” Jason gawked at him. “How do you expect to be able to do that? That- I- Mendel, seriously?”</p><p>“With double proficiency in sleight of hand!” Mendel chirped, cracking his fingers. “Can I do that? Is that something I can do?” He asked excitedly. </p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Guys,” A voice said, a little annoyed. The voice went unheard and ignored as chaos happened around them. “Guys. Come on.” After being ignored more, the voice got angrier, “Hey! Fucking listen to me!”</p><p> </p><p>There were overdramatic gasps spread throughout the room. One person in particular points at the person sitting alone at the end of the table. “Hey,” She says, stern and motherly, “Don’t use words that you wouldn’t use at Temple here!”</p><p> </p><p>“But all of you say it all the time. Guys, I’m not a kid anymore,” Their new dungeon master whined, ironically sounding very childish. “I’m a high school freshman now! That basically means I’m like … a full grown adult.”</p><p> </p><p>While shooting Jason a big smile, Marvin snorted, “At 14? Kid, I’m in college and I still don’t feel like an adult.”</p><p> </p><p>A short man sitting directly to Marvin’s right put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, buddy, we can talk all about that complex later.” His girlfriend of around a year and a half laughed, a small snort escaping her unconsciously as she giggled. She put her head on her boyfriend's shoulder. The short man, Mendel looked at Trina like she was the most precious thing in the world. It warmed Marvin’s heart, to see them. He was upset when they first got together, but now he was glad that they were both happy.</p><p> </p><p>“What? It’s not a complex!”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t wanna hear about the horrors of Marvin’s psyche,” Charlotte joked, raising an eyebrow at Marvin from across the table. “I don’t wanna know what kind of monsters lurk in there.”</p><p> </p><p>Cordelia hummed, brushing her hands onto her pants. “I made mini latkes!” She chimed, a broad smile on her face, “I’ve been practicing!” She <em> had </em> been practicing. And she improved! Her food wasn’t <em> the best, </em> but it was totally edible now! it had been a while since she gave an unsuspecting person food poisoning. In fact, she hadn’t accidentally made someone sick with her food in … nearly two years. </p><p> </p><p>God, they were still in high school then. Those days were some of Marvin’s worst. He was mean and angry and rash and so, so selfish. Marvin liked to think he is a better person these days. Kinder, at the absolute least. But it wasn’t like it was hard for anyone to be better than high school Marvin. He was so terrible to everyone around him. Especially Trina and Whizzer.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh, Whizzer. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Marvin hasn’t talked to Whizzer since that day in the hallway. Occasionally, Marvin would catch Whizzer looking at him in the hallways, but he hasn’t actually spoken to the taller male. It hurt. Still hurts, if he is being honest with himself.</p><p> </p><p>Marvin thinks he might still be in love with Whizzer. Despite having a few short-lived boyfriends here and there, Marvin is almost certain he is still in love with Whizzer. Which … sucks. It’s been years since he has talked to him. Hell, he hasn’t seen Whizzer since he graduated high school! Marvin has just been pining hopelessly for two years. Whenever he remembers that, he feels like a preteen girl with a celebrity crush. Marvin knows he is just romanticizing the memories, but a relationship with Whizzer felt like such a daydream. Logically, he knows there were bad times. Marvin knows. But, if given the chance, he would do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant another shot with Whizzer.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, Marvin was the one who broke things off with Whizzer. Yes, he did refuse to get back together with him. Honestly, though, Marvin was glad he did. The road to improvement has not always been a linear one, and he’s actually really happy he didn’t put Whizzer through some of his lower moments. Even though it hurt when it happened, hurts now, and will hurt in the future, Marvin knows he did the right thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Charlotte smiled at her friends, “We should introduce our characters to each other!” She pulled out a binder and looked up at all of her friends. “My character is named Ren. They’re a halfling sorcerer!” She slid a picture she drew at the center of the table to let everyone see them.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, actually Char-”</p><p> </p><p>“Woah!” Mendel leaned in, overshadowing half of the table, “Charlotte did you draw this? It’s so good!” He smiled at it, broad and energetic and so Mendel like it made Marvin almost smile at the cheesiness of it. “I love the colors!”</p><p> </p><p>Cordelia gave a long sigh, putting her head on Charlotte’s shoulder. “My doctor is so talented! I love her so, <em> so </em> much.” She pressed a kiss on the shorter girl’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Still not a doctor yet, baby.”</p><p> </p><p>“Soon!”</p><p> </p><p>“I have like six years.”</p><p> </p><p>Trina sighed, shaking her head at everyone at the table. “My character is an android named Minnie Hallringer. She’s a bard.” She smiled to herself and glanced at her character sheet.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait,” Mendel said slowly, blinking, “I didn’t know we could do homebrew! Jason why didn’t you tell us!”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t ask, Mendel,” Marvin’s brother sighed, “Anyways, serio-”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait a second, Trina did you just make Hatsune Miku in D&amp;D?” Marvin asked, leaning over Mendel to get a peek at her character sheet. Trina held it out of his reach and laughed at him for being so short </p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god!” Cordelia gushed, clapping her hands together, “We’re gonna fight crime with Hatsune Miku!”</p><p> </p><p>Charlotte laughed, grabbing onto her girlfriend’s arm for support. “Miss Miku, I’m so glad you could join us for this adventure!”</p><p> </p><p>Trina put her hand on Marvin’s face and pushed him away. “Thank you, everyone, I can’t wait to truly be the sound of the future.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sitting in a place like this, around a table like this reminds me of high school,” Marvin blurted out, almost unconsciously. Everyone turned to look at him. Except for Jason, who just ducked inconspiciously behind his DM screen. Marvin suddenly felt very anxious under all of their gazes. “It’s just…” He trailed off, “Everyone gathered like this. It reminds me of when we would play in high school.” And it really does remind Marvin of high school.</p><p> </p><p>They’re playing in the common room at their college right now. Usually they would play in one of their dorms, but they couldn’t this time. There were too many players and Marvin actually had a roommate this year, sadly. There was something so familiar about being around a table like this, though, watching all of his friends from where they sat. Of course, this room wasn’t as dusty and deserted as their high school club room, but it still brought such a sense of nostalgia. </p><p> </p><p>Charlotte nodded. “Yeah,” She hummed, reaching out and gently grabbing Marvin’s hands, “You’re right. It does feel like back then.”</p><p> </p><p>“But things are different now,” Trina said absently glancing at Mendel with a smitten smile, “For the better.”</p><p> </p><p>“For the better,” Marvin agreed, a small smile on his face.</p><p> </p><p>Mendel pulled a only slightly crumpled paper out of his bag and smoothed it out over the table. “My character is an aasimarian man. And a rogue, which feels like a contradiction, but I thought it was a cool dynamic! He’s neat and he likes shiny things.” Mendel grinned at all of his friends, “And I have double proficiency in sleight of hand.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to try to steal a horse?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna try to steal a horse.”</p><p> </p><p>Cordelia laughed, a loud laugh. She was usually the one who found Mendel’s terrible jokes and choices funny. She slapped the short man on the arm. Probably harder than intended. He winced and rubbed his arm where she slapped him. “My character,” She said after a few seconds, “They’re a nonbinary raccoon from space! Isn’t that cool!” </p><p> </p><p>“Did you just make Rocket Raccoon?” Marvin asked while cocking an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>Cordelia suddenly stopped smiling. “Oh my god,” She said, deadly serious, “I made Rocket Raccoon.” She put her head into her hands and groaned.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright,” Charlotte rubbed her back, “You just really love Rocket. That’s alright.”</p><p> </p><p>While Charlotte comforted her grieving girlfriend, Trina directed her smile at Marvin. “What about you, Marvin? What’s your character like?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh good, they almost started without you.” Jason interrupted, but Marvin ignored.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re a frog. He used to be on a children’s television show, and he’s a warlock.” Marvin said with a smile, looking down at his own character sheet.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you make Mr. Bungee?” Cordelia asked her head snapping upwards. She stared, wide eyed at Marvin. Marvin nodded and shrugged. Cordelia smiled a little bit, her posture obviously relaxing from her previous crisis about Rocket.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, I should have known you’d make a new character based after a frog man from a musical. You’ve always been a giant theater nerd.” A voice rang out that made them all stop dead in their tracks. </p><p> </p><p>And just like that Whizzer Brown walked right back into their lives. In a way that was so similar to the first time, too. He stood at the entrance to the common room, flashing everyone a vaguely nervous smile. He had his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall. He looked… <em> amazing. </em> Dressed to the nines and handsome as always, he looked even better than Marvin remembered him. Marvin’s heart stopped and he didn’t breathe for a few moments.</p><p> </p><p>When Marvin’s brain caught up to his heart, he asked on a quiet exhale, “What is he doing here?” He asked that as if Whizzer wasn’t right in front of him, but he didn’t know if the taller man could hear him despite that. Marvin felt like he couldn’t take his eyes off Whizzer. Whizzer was right there, for the first time in years. Marvin wasn’t entirely convinced it was real.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here?” Trina hissed, grasping Mendel’s hand tightly as she asked. It would make sense that she was less than thrilled that he would be here.</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer shrugged, nonchalantly and stopped leaning on the wall. “Jason asked me to be a player for his first time as a dungeon master. I love him, so I couldn’t say no.” He crossed the room and ruffled Jason’s hair. “Hey buddy!” He chirped, a big smile growing on his face. </p><p> </p><p>“Hi Whizzer!” Jason said, jumping up and wrapping his lanky limbs around him. Whizzer wrapped the youngest member of their group in a tight and brief hug.</p><p> </p><p>Trina ran her hands down her face dramatically. “Oh great,” She groaned, “My ex-boyfriend’s ex-lover. Isn’t that what every woman dreams about having in a D&amp;D campaign?”</p><p> </p><p>Mendel smiled, rubbing his girlfriend’s shoulder nervously, “It’s great to see you, Whizzer! You look fantastic!” He then pressed a big kiss to Trina’s cheek, grabbed her hands and cooed something about everything being alright.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Marvin said, leaning back in his seat, “It’s you.” A smile bloomed on Marvin’s face. It was a little mischievous, but Marvin would like to think he had good intentions. The taller man’s deep brown eyes suddenly trained on him. His heartbeat picked up in his chest and the butterflies he hadn’t felt in years returned to his stomach. Before Marvin could forget about anyone else being in the room, he motioned around the table, “Say hello to everyone, Whizzer.”</p><p> </p><p>Reminding Whizzer of that seemed to snap him back into reality. He pulled himself from Jason and plastered a smile on his face. “Hi,” He said, shaking hands with Charlotte, Cordelia, and Mendel. Trina’s mouth twisted and her eyebrows turned up before she gently returned the handshake. Whizzer slid into an empty chair beside her. “So,” He said, trying to appear nonchalant, “Is Marvin still queer?”</p><p> </p><p>“Am I queer?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know!”</p><p> </p><p>“Does it matter?”</p><p> </p><p>Marvin shook his head a little, laughing at Whizzer’s antics. “You know, it’s been so long, I’m not even sure anymore.” Whizzer flashed him a small smile, suddenly looking a little nervous. Marvin tried to dispel the thought, quickly changing the topic. “You should sit next to me,” Marvin said and tried to nudge Mendel out of his seat next to him. “Come on, you should sit next to me, Whizzer!”</p><p> </p><p>“Marvin,” Trina let out exasperatedly, having her boyfriend being pushed into her.</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Whizzer said, raising his eyebrows and giving them a half smile, “You know how Marvin is. He always gets what he wants.” With that he stood up. Trina took Whizzer’s old chair, Mendel took Trina’s, and Whizzer took Mendel’s.</p><p> </p><p>Marvin sighed at Whizzer, trying not to look too starstruck by his sudden appearance. “God, why couldn’t you just have one imperfection?” He said, mostly to himself, “Like, maybe you could have a bald spot or something, but … nope. Perfect as always.” At Marvin’s words, Whizzer sucked in a sharp breath.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Whizzer!” Cordelia said, pushing her latkes forward just a little. Whizzer gave them an uneasy glance, “You’re going to be playing with us again? That’s awesome! What’s your character like?”</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer smiled a little bit, ignoring Marvin’s adoring gaze on him. “He’s a chaotic good elven paladin.”</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds really cool, Whizzer.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, much cooler than a children’s television frog.”</p><p> </p><p>“In my defense,” Marvin grinned at him, “Trina is playing Hatsune Miku.” Whizzer laughed and shook his head. </p><p> </p><p>“Since everyone is here now,” Jason interrupted them, glaring at Marvin for flirting with his friend, “I’m gonna start the session! Is that okay with everyone?”</p><p> </p><p>And, honestly, poor Jason. He wanted to have a good first session, but Marvin and Whizzer were a little … distracted. Just being around each other made them both so giddy. Marvin tried to fight off a smile just looking at Whizzer. Whizzer gave him a strange, soft look and turned away from him. Occasionally he would lean in and whisper little jokes to the taller man. Whizzer, in turn, would have to cover his mouth and sputter and try to keep from laughing. Everyone was shooting them looks, but Marvin suddenly couldn’t find it in himself to care. When he grinned at his former lover, and he would grin back, Marvin felt like nothing else mattered.</p><p> </p><p>Was that selfish? Probably. He tried to shift his attention back to Jason’s game.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Mendel said with a grin, “I want to try and steal the knight’s sword.”</p><p> </p><p>“Out of his hand?” Jason gawked at him. “How do you expect to be able to do that? That- I- Mendel, seriously?”</p><p> </p><p>“With double proficiency in sleight of hand!” Mendel chirped, cracking his fingers. “Can I do that? Is that something I can do?” He asked excitedly. </p><p> </p><p>Jason sighed, running his hands through his curls. “You’re going to roll with disadvantage. I’ll roll perception with advantage.” He stopped, shaking his head at Mendel once more, “You know this is crazy, right? You know what I’m going to do if you fail this roll?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mendel,” Charlotte said uneasily, “Maybe this isn’t the best move. There are other things we can do. Minnie can cast Charm Person so maybe we could just convince him to give us the sword.”</p><p> </p><p>Mendel brushed off the concerned comments from his friend, picking up his d20 and rattling them in his hand. “The first one is,” He held his breath and let them go across the table, a smile covering his face, “A seventeen, yes!” He picked up the dice once more, said a little prayer into it, and let it go once more. “A five, fuck!” Despite the opposite reaction, he used the same inflection. Marvin found that quite humorous.</p><p> </p><p>Jason nodded, curt, and picked up his own dice. “The first roll is,” There was a clatter and then a dramatic pause. “A nat one.” He was so bewildered, his eyes were about the size of saucers.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright!” Mendel cheered, pumping his fists in the air.</p><p> </p><p>“No, not so fast,” Jason held up a hand, “I have advantage, remember?” He grinned and picked back up his light blue dice.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Whizzer,” Marvin whispered and turned to face Whizzer. Whizzer turned his head to him and gave him a half smile. His brown eyes gleamed and he looked like he was having so much fun. “Would-” He stopped himself to take in a big inhale of air, “Would it be possible to see you. Or kiss you. Or give you a call.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell? That’s impossible?”</p><p> </p><p>“What? What did you roll?”</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer’s eyes grew wide. He sat up straight in his seat. His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. In that moment, everything else but the two of them faded into the background. Even the clatter of dice on the table was drowned out as Whizzer gave him a simple reply of, “Anythings possible.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s <em> another </em> fucking nat one.”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the moment was ripped from them as all of the other plays let out noises of disbelief. Jason just stared at his older friends, looking so tired already. Marvin blinked, looking around owlishly. “What happened?” He asked Whizzer. Whizzer laughed and shrugged, looking as lost and delighted as Marvin felt.</p><p> </p><p>--</p><p> </p><p>Hours later, Marvin was sitting in the taller man’s dorm room. Marvin watched as he nervously fluttered around his room, not quite wanting to settle anywhere in it. Marvin smiled at him as he rolled his hands over each other and rubbed the outside of his hands. Whizzer was always so expressive with his hands. </p><p> </p><p>“So, obviously we have to talk about what that means for us,” Whizzer sighed and bit his lip. He glanced over at Marvin and fidgeted. When Marvin’s only reply was a nod, he sighed a bit more. “Where should we start? I have a lot to say, Marvin, but I don’t know where to begin. It all feels so … overwhelming.”</p><p> </p><p>Marvin gently grasped one of his fidging appendages and patted the spot next to him. Whizzer shot him a suspicious look, but sat next to him with no question. “I think I should start with an apology,” Marvin said, interlacing his fingers with Whizzer’s. Whizzer’s breath hitched, but Marvin just stared at their hands. He rubbed his thumb along Whizzer’s index finger. “You were the first person I ever actually liked. The girls I dated before … they weren’t actually people I was ever romantically interested in. But I was scared, and a giant asshole.” Whizzer laughed, squeezing his hand for a moment and letting go.</p><p> </p><p>“You can say that again.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was a giant asshole.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Marvin. I feel a lot better after you actually said it again.”</p><p> </p><p>Marvin cut his eyes Whizzer’s way and grinned up at him. The spark in Whizzer’s own eyes gleamed with genuine happiness. “I was so scared of just … being me. That’s okay. It’s okay to not be okay. I’ve learned that since you’ve been gone. But I’ve also learned that it’s important to just be me. That if people don’t like that, then screw them.” Whizzer nodded a little and bumped their shoulders together. Marvin’s smile slowly dripped off of his face and his voice dropped to a whisper, “I wanted you to love me so badly, Whizzer. I wanted you to give your all to a guy who wouldn’t even hold your hand in front of others. I wanted your whole heart while still trying to keep a hold onto Trina’s. That wasn’t fair. To anyone. I’ve already said sorry to everyone else. The others know already that I’ve changed. I’ve practically been revised, Whizzer! You’d hardly believe it! </p><p> </p><p>“But I haven’t gotten to tell you I’m sorry. You deserve it the most, Whizzer. I didn’t realize how terrible I was until later. I hate what I did to you. I’m so…” He faulted, looking for the right words to say, “Disgusted at myself for not noticing it in the moment. Especially with everyone screaming at me that I was being awful.” He took a deep breath and gave the other an uneasy smile, “But I’m doing my best to improve. I don’t act that way anymore. I take responsibility for my actions. I cook now, pretty proud of that one.” Whizzer let out a loud laugh, brushing his lips gently across Marvin’s cheek. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m glad that I turned you down that first time. I needed the space to let myself improve and grow as a person. But Whizzer,” He shifted on the bed to where he was facing the other head on now. Marvin grabbed both of his hands and gave him an earnest smile, “If you’ll have me, I think I’m ready now.”</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer sucked in a quick breath of air. He pressed their foreheads together for a few seconds. “It hurt, a lot, at first. Getting rejected by you. But I think the time was good for the both of us. I’ve changed in the past two years, too. That’s just life.” He pulled back from Marvin and tightened his grip on their interlaced fingers. “One thing that didn’t change, though, was how I feel about you. I wanted to reach out to you, so many times. Everytime I almost did, I would chicken out. But I still …” He trailed off, breaking the eye contact he had maintained since pressing their heads together. “I still love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I still love you, too.” Marvin confessed, voice barely above a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>Whizzer nodded. He was doing his best not to cry. Slowly, he moved his hands to cup Marvin’s face and give him the gentlest kiss of his life. And to Marvin, it felt like heaven on Earth. There weren’t fireworks or any other romantic comedy cliche, but he felt free. He felt right. </p><p> </p><p>Marvin pulled back, just a little. When he pulled back, it was just barely. Their lips still brushed when they talked, and there was no doubt in Marvin’s mind that Whizzer was able to feel the dopey, love-struck smile that crossed his lips. “Do you wanna be with me? For real this time? Like, as my boyfriend?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” Whizzer whispered after not even a moment of hesitation, “Of course I do, Marvin.” He put his head onto Marvin’s shoulder. “Yeah. We can tell the others next week at D&amp;D and give them heart attacks.”</p><p> </p><p>And Marvin laughed. And Whizzer laughed with him. And maybe things weren’t perfect. And maybe their past together wasn’t always pretty. But this was something both of them wanted. They both wanted to put in the work to make a real relationship with each other finally, <em> finally </em> work.</p><p> </p><p>Marvin doesn’t think he had ever looked forward to the future more in his life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>its officially over now!!! i dont have any idea what im gonna write next !! i have some things lined up, but im probably not going to jump back into another chaptered fic so soon !! im honestly very surprised i didn't abandon this. its taken a lot of self control. </p><p>so thank you everyone for reading!! ur comments and support have meant the world to me, honestly!</p><p>and one last reminder that protests for the black lives matter movement are still, at the time of writing this, going on all around the united states. outrage fatigue is so common these days, but this cause is so important for all people of color living in us. if you can, take some time and sign petitions, call senators, donate, anything! the men who murdered breonna taylor still have not been arrested.</p>
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